What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Bjornebye]

You horrible horrible bastard 

[TheHowieLama]

Thats not bad. The beans have breached the breakwater but at least they look cooked properly. Fat splashed on eggs - decent looking meats.

 

If it had a tomato and some mushrooms I would scrape off the beans and feed it to my dog.

 

Good effort -- agree 7.5/10.

 

Not toasting the bread counts against you, warm bread is by definition not yet toast.

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, TheHowieLama said:

Thats not bad. The beans have breached the breakwater but at least they look cooked properly. Fat splashed on eggs - decent looking meats.

 

If it had a tomato and some mushrooms I would scrape off the beans and feed it to my dog.

 

Good effort -- agree 7.5/10.

 

Not toasting the bread counts against you, warm bread is by definition not yet toast.

 

 

[Karl_b]

6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

You horrible horrible bastard 

Yeah, ok mate.

 

On 20/01/2021 at 07:18, Bjornebye said:

Richmond Meat Free Sausages, Scrambled Egg, Vegan Black Pudding, Cherry Tomatoes and Sardines. Come at me. 

 

 

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

Yeah, ok mate.

 

 

Fuck all wrong with mine there. Nothing at all.  

[YorkshireRed]

Just now, Karl_b said:

It's been a while since I contributed and even longer (years) since it was a home cooked effort. The wife is veggie so I can never be bothered with cooking a full breakfast just for me and prefer to go out. We went out for a walk yesterday and walked past the butchers, me and the dog gave each other a knowing look and I nipped in for some quality local pork products.

 

2 x Proper Fucking Lincolnshire Sausages.

3 x Smoked cured bacon.

2 x fried eggs, perfectly cooked.

Beans, obviously.

1 x slice of frsh sourdough (normally I'd have toast but this was still warm having baked it first thing).

 

Pretty pleased with my efforts, 7.5/10. Bring it on, you cunts.

You should be given credit for making a contribution to this thread after all this time so a quick doff of the cap before I get down to business.

 

This is far from the worst breakfast I’ve seen on here but, as you know, this thread maintains a high bar for culinary atrocities. 
 

The sausages look nice, if a little thin. Think Kate Moss in her pre Pete Doherty days. Also three is always better than two (see the threesomes thread).

 

I think the bacon is a tad undercooked for my tastes, but it’s possible you have some form of mental disorder which has prevented you from fully committing to cooking it properly so I’ll try not to criticise.  
 

One of the eggs looks nice, the other looks like it’s ugly mate. I’ve had enough of ‘ugly mates’ to last me a lifetime.

 

Not enough beans, no mushrooms or black pudding. You lose points for some unforced errors here. It’s possible you might be the Buster Mottram of breakfast chefs.

 

That type of bread might be tolerated by a French onion soup but the English breakfast didn’t reclaim its sovereignty and control over its borders to let this on the plate. Bloody foreigners, coming over here and fucking up our breakfasts.

 

7/10.

[Karl_b]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Fuck all wrong with mine there. Nothing at all.  

It's a fucking disgrace, people have banned off this forum for less. Repped for standing by your guns, you pervert.

[TheHowieLama]

16 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

 

The day you can spell sourdough, much less make one, will be a high water mark in your culinary career.

[TheHowieLama]

3 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

It's a fucking disgrace,

Repulsive on multiple levels.

[Bjornebye]

Karl if you uploaded that breakfast to facebook nonce S.W.A.T would be through the door within minutes 

 

Mines better 

[Bob]

3 hours ago, Karl_b said:

It's been a while since I contributed and even longer (years) since it was a home cooked effort. The wife is veggie so I can never be bothered with cooking a full breakfast just for me and prefer to go out. We went out for a walk yesterday and walked past the butchers, me and the dog gave each other a knowing look and I nipped in for some quality local pork products.

 

2 x Proper Fucking Lincolnshire Sausages.

3 x Smoked cured bacon.

2 x fried eggs, perfectly cooked.

Beans, obviously.

1 x slice of frsh sourdough (normally I'd have toast but this was still warm having baked it first thing).

 

Pretty pleased with my efforts, 7.5/10. Bring it on, you cunts.

 

Edit - the dog got 2 sausages, 10/10 from him.

 

I’d want that bread toasted, even with it being freshly baked. Toast with a break or is as much for consistency as anything.

 

given it was freshly baked, I’d have snook in a slice with butter while cooking breakfast and been satisfied with the best of both worlds.

 

Otherwise, all looks grand. Personal preference would be a plainer flavoured sausage than a Lincolnshire, but that’s just me, and I’d love to see some mushrooms, but that’s quibbling.  

[Pidge]

3 hours ago, Karl_b said:

It's been a while since I contributed and even longer (years) since it was a home cooked effort. The wife is veggie so I can never be bothered with cooking a full breakfast just for me and prefer to go out. We went out for a walk yesterday and walked past the butchers, me and the dog gave each other a knowing look and I nipped in for some quality local pork products.

 

2 x Proper Fucking Lincolnshire Sausages.

3 x Smoked cured bacon.

2 x fried eggs, perfectly cooked.

Beans, obviously.

1 x slice of frsh sourdough (normally I'd have toast but this was still warm having baked it first thing).

 

Pretty pleased with my efforts, 7.5/10. Bring it on, you cunts.

 

Edit - the dog got 2 sausages, 10/10 from him.

 

Looking good, guessing the blackening on the eggs is because you've actually fried everything, rather than burned them. 

 

Needs black pudding and a fried tomato, but looks great all in all. 

 

No conker though, fucking prick.

[TheHowieLama]

8 minutes ago, Pidge said:

 

No conker though, fucking prick.

Yep, those are key.

[cloggypop]

Keeps the spiders off your breakfast as well. 

[Bjornebye]

Defo wasn't expecting Stronz brekkie not to be the worst thing this weekend. 

[Curly]

14 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

You horrible horrible bastard 

You should be sitting on the naughty step and thinking about what you’ve done still after that last entry. In your house of glass

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, belarus said:

You should be sitting on the naughty step and thinking about what you’ve done still after that last entry. In your house of glass

No I shouldn't. 

[General Dryness]

On 20/01/2021 at 20:18, Bjornebye said:

Richmond Meat Free Sausages, Scrambled Egg, Vegan Black Pudding, Cherry Tomatoes and Sardines. Come at me. 

 

I hope someone smashes your face through every window in the Burj Khalifa for that. Fucking sardines you cunt.

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

I hope someone smashes your face through every window in the Burj Khalifa for that. Fucking sardines you cunt.

Get some omega 3 in you you fucking trestle table 

[General Dryness]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

Get some omega 3 in you you fucking trestle table 

On a breakfast though man. It's an affront to humanity.

[Bjornebye]

10 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

On a breakfast though man. It's an affront to humanity.

Fuck off before I finger your cat

[Guest]

On 28/02/2021 at 18:07, Bjornebye said:

Fuck all wrong with mine there. Nothing at all.  

Was that taken off the Rate my Plate thread? If it wasn't, it should have. 

[General Dryness]

12 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Fuck off before I finger your cat

He'd take your fingering and then never call you again. Snubbed. By a cat.

[General Dryness]

1 hour ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

Was that taken off the Rate my Lack of Common Decency thread? If it wasn't, it should have. 

Fixed.

[Strontium]

An army marches on its stomach. I am sorely tempted...

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/174658101186