Going off work sick.

[Ginny]

These are the types of people who I really feel for :

 

1) People who boast about how many sick days they haven't had

2) People who boast about how late they stay at work

3) People who boast that they haven't had any holidays for a while

4) People who wear ties and waist coats in work when they don't have to

 

*sigh*

 

Just for starters...

[Sugar Ape]

Best time was last year when my Mrs had to have an operation and I got 10 days off paid to look after her. I watched every episode of Sons of Anarchy and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia and most of Parks And Recreation downstairs and just left her in bed upstairs all day.

 

I did pop up every 4/5 hours to bring her a drink. I'm not a total cunt.

[cochyn]

Best time was last year when my Mrs had to have an operation and I got 10 days off paid to look after her. I watched every episode of Sons of Anarchy and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia and most of Parks And Recreation downstairs and just left her in bed upstairs all day.

 

I did pop up every 4/5 hours to bring her a drink. I'm not a total cunt.

 

Hmm. Sounds like a page from Josef Fritzl's diary..

[Pidge]

These are the types of people who I really feel for :

 

1) People who boast about how many sick days they haven't had

2) People who boast about how late they stay at work

3) People who boast that they haven't had any holidays for a while

4) People who wear ties and waist coats in work when they don't have to

 

*sigh*

 

Just for starters...

 

I get more annoyed by skiving cunts who make my life tougher.

[Sugar Ape]

Hmm. Sounds like a page from Josef Fritzl's diary..

 

Apart from the fact my mrs is also my daughter I have absoultely nothing in common with Frtizl.

[Champ]

I rang in work sick on April Fools a few years back to say I'd been riding home from the shops on my mountain bike with a saw down the back of my jeans' date=' as I was at the top of a very steep hill I could feel the saw was about to fall out of my jeans. Instead of stopping and pushing it back down I decided to go no handed down the hill and push the saw back down.

 

But the hill was steeper than I expected, I was going too fast and had to try and take a 90 degree bend no handed. I squared the front tyre off and did a superman through the air, landing, breaking and dislocating my shoulder.

 

Trouble was I was telling the truth.[/quote']

 

Is it normal behaviour to have a saw down the back of your jeans? Only, no-one has picked you up on this small detail

[lifetime fan]

Is it normal behaviour to have a saw down the back of your jeans? Only, no-one has picked you up on this small detail

 

 

I had a bag of shopping on each handlebar but the saw was too long to go in either of these as it just kept tipping out.

[cloggypop]

Handle side down would have worked. Remember that for next time.

[Pony Princess]

A few years ago I worked in software house and you always sorta strike up a convo with the guy next to you on the same project. Turns out this guy was fucking insane. He was called Clive and it turns out everyone know he was mental and on the verge of getting the sack. The week before he drama happened he allegedly broke his ankle but one of the bosses saw him in a local pub and I quote him 'he was doing a little dance' but then clive turned in for work.

 

Clive didn't seem drunk, or high or whatever but he pulled a few of us over and told us that the director of the company believe he was a peado and that there was a smear campaign going on. We were like 'alright mate you need to just calm down'. He got escorted out of the building the next day. I asked him what the fuck? He told me the boss had got his own kid to act as a honeytrap(the bosses son was about eight) and when the bosses son had grabbed this guys groin he had reacted and alll the company bosses had moved in to restrain him. He told me it was a honey trap and there was a conspiracy against him. Legend.

[lifetime fan]

Handle side down would have worked. Remember that for next time.

 

 

Tried that too.

[Red_or_Dead]

Best one I've used is say that you are taking your Mrs/bird to the abortion clinic. No fucking questions asked there then.

[Sugar Ape]

A few years ago I worked in software house and you always sorta strike up a convo with the guy next to you on the same project. Turns out this guy was fucking insane. He was called Clive and it turns out everyone know he was mental and on the verge of getting the sack. The week before he drama happened he allegedly broke his ankle but one of the bosses saw him in a local pub and I quote him 'he was doing a little dance' but then clive turned in for work.

 

Clive didn't seem drunk' date=' or high or whatever but he pulled a few of us over and told us that the director of the company believe he was a peado and that there was a smear campaign going on. We were like 'alright mate you need to just calm down'. He got escorted out of the building the next day. I asked him what the fuck? He told me the boss had got his own kid to act as a honeytrap(the bosses son was about eight) and when the bosses son had grabbed this guys groin he had reacted and alll the company bosses had moved in to restrain him. He told me it was a honey trap and there was a conspiracy against him. Legend.[/quote']

 

Clive? You sure his name wasn't Noel?

[Sugar Ape]

.

[Shitty Arse]

After spending 3 days in Prague at a mates stag do I was fucking ruined. I told work I was on the bus and a brick got launched through the window and hit me on the head. To this day I don't know what compelled me to be so creative with that excuse.

[Total Longo]

Best excuse i ever came up with was "tiredness/nausea".

 

It was the "/" that convinced them. 

[setreal]

The dog ate my homework.

[General Dryness]

Best excuse i ever came up with was "tiredness/nausea".

 

It was the "/" that convinced them. 

 

Always get a / in. So much more effective.

 

Headache/Nausea is my favourite. Tend to avoid saying I've had the shits, don't want people thinking "claggy arse" when they look at me. As opposed to "cunt" like they normally do.

[Juniper]

Lad at ours who is notorious for pulling a sickie a few months ago was off for falling down the stairs.

 

Came back telling us he'd been proscribed antibiotics by the doctors.

 

No one batted an eyelid as it was him.

 

Pissed myself seeing his limp suddenly disappear as soon as he thought he was out of sight of the office.

[skend04]

Lad at ours who is notorious for pulling a sickie a few months ago was off for falling down the stairs.Came back telling us he'd been proscribed antibiotics by the doctors.No one batted an eyelid as it was him.Pissed myself seeing his limp suddenly disappear as soon as he thought he was out of sight of the office.

We've got a guy who's been off for several months with a 'bad knee'. Yet he's regularly posting on FB as to how he's been cycling miles upon miles and that he ran in yesterday's Ramathon. How he hasn't been sacked is a miracle.