Valentine's Day

[paddyberger15]

Grandmother's day?

 

It's the same thing as Valentines Day, only Noos combines the two to save money. And socks.

[loadsoftrophies]

Roses are red, violets are blue...

 

[YOUTUBE]dmJMPPrLFFw[/YOUTUBE]

[Thants]

Roses are black

Violets are black

Everything is black

I am blind

[Thants]

Never done VD. Never will.

[Bogman]

My missus is on the rag this week, so for Valentines Day she's getting the same as me, fuck all.

 

 

Ditto, but to compound it, she's gone and gotten herself a bad case of tonsillitis.

 

Oh well, COD it is then.

[Fugitive]

Never done VD. Never will.

 

Good man. Just make sure you keep using condoms when fucking complete slags and you will never get infected.

[Einch]

I was driving Mrs Einch to the train station this morning and she says "happy valentines day" with a heavy dose of expectancy. She phoned a couple of hours ago to confirm when she wanted to be collected from the train station and I happened to mention she had a parcel here at which point she got really excited. What she does not know is that the parcel contains 2 x 2.5m garage door seals and I used her credit card to buy them because I was too lazy to find my own cards last week.

[Trumo]

I was driving Mrs Einch to the train station this morning and she says "happy valentines day" with a heavy dose of expectancy. She phoned a couple of hours ago to confirm when she wanted to be collected from the train station and I happened to mention she had a parcel here at which point she got really excited. What she does not know is that the parcel contains 2 x 2.5m garage door seals and I used her credit card to buy them because I was too lazy to find my own cards last week.

 

Those will come in handy when she inevitably kicks you out of the house. Look on the bright side. It will be less nippy in the garage tonight.

[Einch]

Those will come in handy when she inevitably kicks you out of the house. Look on the bright side. It will be less nippy in the garage tonight.

 

You make a good point but I have not fitted them yet so I should dig out my thermals and prepare for the worst I think. At least the wireless network extends to the garage so I will not be totally without the modern comforts I have become used to.

[Juniper]

Due to work hours I only managed to get to the local florist about 5minutes before they shut. As a result I picked up a massive bunch of roses worth near on £50 for half price.

 

(she won't find that out mind)

 

Although I'm sat celebrating in our kitchen, basking in my own glory and eating a pork pie and a yogurt while I wait for her to get home from work I'm shortly off to see Gnomeo and Juliet (her choice) so my celebrations will be short lived.

 

For fucks sake.

[Captain]

I might have dodged a bullet here. He rang before to see what I was up to this afternoon and I said I was going out to get him a present. He said "No, no, don't get me a present. You've already booked the hotel, that's enough". Even though I'm not fluent in man, I interpreted that as "No, no, don't get me a present. I haven't got you anything". In which case, he can't complain that our night away isn't really away. What do you reckon?

 

I hope some day you'll get the man you deserve. And I really mean that best way possible.

 

Things being the way they are, he'll probably show up with a fucking mixer.

[VladimirIlyich]

I'm in the doghouse with 'er indoors at the moment because I completely forgot about it.

In my defence I've had 2 operations in the last 3 weeks to worry about and after almost 25 years of marriage,in the words of Tina Turner 'Whats love got to do with it?'

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Mrs O'T was in Sainsbury's today and she saw a rack of "romantic" DVDs, specially selected as a Valentine's Day treat.

 

So, naturally, she went to the other side of the shop, where the rest of the DVDs are and picked up Death Race 4 - Beyond Anarchy to add to the Valentine's selection. 

 

It's the little things that count.

[Bjornebye]

It can fuck off. 

[3 Stacks]

My girl told me she might peg me on the night of the 14th as my present. Feeling pretty good right now. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Peg?

[3 Stacks]

14 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Peg?

Yeah, dude. Pretty excited!

[Rico1304]

Everyday is Valentine’s Day in our house. 

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Peg?

the woman wears a strap-on and fucks her partner up the arse

[AngryOfTuebrook]

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

1 hour ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

the woman wears a strap-on and fucks her partner up the arse

 

[VladimirIlyich]

9 hours ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

the woman wears a strap-on and fucks her partner up the arse

 

Its generally just called Marriage.

[Guest]

36 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Its generally just called Marriage.

I thought that it was part of the divorce settlement.

[Bjornebye]

[ZonkoVille77]

Legend