Divorce

[skend04]

Courts apparently are more willing to enforce your orders especially under the newer Children's Act. I'll let you know how this goes as I'm about to lodge my first C79 enforcement order but on some quiet evenings I think it'd be cheaper to arrange some accident.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I've pretty much capitulated, for my own sake. I'm absolutely drained and really couldn't take anymore. I will still be going to see a solicitor next week so that I know exactly where I stand if she tries to pull another stunt out of the blue on me.

 

I've got Friday & Saturday nights one week (where I don't have to take the girls back until 6pm Sunday; the only concession I got) and then Thursday-Friday nights the next.

 

Not ideal but pretty much all I was going to get.

 

Thanks very much for all your advice and help. It really is appreciated. I'm off to get drunk!

 

 

Your situation is similar to a friend of mines mate, and I keep saying the same thing to him, it could be worse, imagine this woman that you're dealing with right now, who's torturing you, was still sleeping in the same bed as you, and you had to answer to her. If nothing more, she's surely making the break up easier, if you're a good person, and you know you wouldn't put someone else what she's putting you through then you KNOW, it's the best possible thing that you are no longer together.

[Rico1304]

Jenson - the wife is now working at Shoosmiths in Manchester. She says their family law dept is good too, and will be cheaper than DWF.

[Rico1304]

PS I realise I'm fucked if this ever happens to me, she's got lawyers coming out of her arse....

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Jenson - the wife is now working at Shoosmiths in Manchester. She says their family law dept is good too, and will be cheaper than DWF.

I hardly think this is the time for him to start worrying about going the cobblers.

[Bob]

Scared to see how it can turn, and just hope you can get through it without too much pain. I feel for you, pal.

[Nunavut Patrick]

My tuppenceworth-

 

If its gone south, and it appears it has in a hurry, careful what you put in writing via text, email or any social media- screen shots are easy to do.

 

Careful what you say as well, anything deemed threatening will come back on you and its one of societies double standards that men are always easily believed to be abusers but women not so much.

 

I never laid a hand on my ex in anger through 22 yrs of marriage but she assaulted me three times, four if you count the tub of margerine she winged at me but just bounced off.

 

It would be ace to avoid the lawyers because of the cost, and maybe she is counting on this, knowing you may capitulate to her demands to avoid this.

 

I remember one particular moment in my divorce when my ex said you are not getting a penny of my fucking pension (she makes triple what I made and I looked after the kids whilst she worked for about half the marriage) and I just said well, we will leave that to the lawyers.

 

She spent a good three days haranguing me, telling me I will regret it, I will end up with nothing, just rememebr I have a long memory, I never forget, can hold a grudge, etc... I just held my ground calmly.

 

I get 30% of her pension and 3k in support a month, plus she had to provide downpayment for a house.

 

When they realize fhey can not get a reaction out of you, or wind you up, and you are calm and methodical, and also remember their biggest weapon in the arsenal....tits, arse and fanny...are no longer in play, they have nothing to use against you. I was fortunate as all my kids were over 18 yrs.

 

In your case, and I suspect many others, dependent children become the weapon of choice.

 

Also be careful with the liquor....that lead to a pretty ugly scene with me.

 

Only Sunnyvale Trailer Park Supervisor Jim Lahey can get away with that shit.... I am the liquor, Randy!

 

Best of luck, there will be more bad days than good in the year ahead, but it does get better. Who knows, you may end up driving a bus living the dream, mate.

 

Oh, and for the love of God, do not go back no matter what.

[Evelyn Tentions]

The way I've always looked at relationships ending is that it's another chapter of your life closing, ready to open another one. While that doesn't make it easier it's a positive way of looking at things. Like your favourite band breaking up, you have the great memories to bring forward, but there's always another great band on the horizon just ready to bring you more great memories. Obviously kids are very important so always try your best to be a decent guy around them and for them, especially during heated moments. Kids don't forget and the last thing you'd want is them telling you in 15 years about the time you were a cunt to their mum during separation. Head up, look after the kids and yourself, keep dignified and remember the auld saying - plenty more fish in the sea (well maybe not near fukushima).

 

 

Just gone through all this with my own daughter and now grand daughters. Long story, had several goes at writing something but too traumatic still.

Jensen, if you have to sell your house, all your possessions and still go into debt to pay for it, get the best legal team you can to give you the best possible access - including an annual holiday.Just get the paperwork straight first!

Everything else is just stuff, you can't replace your relationship with your girls

[Paulie Dangerously]

PS I realise I'm fucked if this ever happens to me, she's got lawyers coming in her arse....

 

Probably best out of that relationship then mate

[Trumo]

You read a thread like this and see the impact the end of a relationship has on so many different people, especially when there are kids involved. And then you turn on the news only to hear about some celebrities getting divorced because of "irreconcilable differences" - the same bullshit excuse trotted out in all those instances.

[Champ]

You read a thread like this and see the impact the end of a relationship has on so many different people, especially when there are kids involved. And then you turn on the news only to hear about some celebrities getting divorced because of "irreconcilable differences" - the same bullshit excuse trotted out in all those instances.

The bit that always gets me is the apparent ease with which they all appear to discard one partner and take up with another within a matter of days/weeks and life just carries on like no-one I've ever met before

[Strontium]

It's all the what if's that are driving mad right now, and the how the hell did we end up here? I just don't understand how she can do this after so long together. I probably never will.

 

Chances are that you were an excellent husband and father, and that is why she is acting the twat. She clearly feels guilty about the decision she has made, and is therefore trying to ramp up the level of conflict between you in an attempt to post hoc rationalise that decision.

 

I went through a very painful break up in 2004 that I struggled to come to terms with, because it was so utterly senseless. Even now I don't understand it. All attempts to repair what had been an incredible and rewarding relationship were rebuffed with increasing levels of hostility.

 

Be prepared to be amused, irritated and bewildered as she proceeds to hook up with guys who are your inferior on every conceivable measure.

 

In the meantime, just be the best dad you can be to your kids, and I wish you the very best for the future.

[Section_31]

[Paulie Dangerously]

Chances are that you were an excellent husband and father, and that is why she is acting the twat. She clearly feels guilty about the decision she has made, and is therefore trying to ramp up the level of conflict between you in an attempt to post hoc rationalise that decision.

 

I went through a very painful break up in 2004 that I struggled to come to terms with, because it was so utterly senseless. Even now I don't understand it. All attempts to repair what had been an incredible and rewarding relationship were rebuffed with increasing levels of hostility.

 

Be prepared to be amused, irritated and bewildered as she proceeds to hook up with guys who are your inferior on every conceivable measure.

 

In the meantime, just be the best dad you can be to your kids, and I wish you the very best for the future.

 

 

I think I do...

 

 

 

 

Joking aside great post from Strontz.  There are enough people who've been to the heartbreak hotel in life, not to mention on here, to know that you're not the first to go through something like this and you wont be the last.  The number of people chipping in here with their own experiences shows you're not alone in this and everyone wishes that you get the result you want which is best for the kids.

[Nunavut Patrick]

The bit that always gets me is the apparent ease with which they all appear to discard one partner and take up with another within a matter of days/weeks and life just carries on like no-one I've ever met before

Some people have no problem moving on quickly but the strange thing is that thise relationships usually don't last very long or are unhappy ones.

 

A mutual friend of my ex and I she divorced and in less than a month found a guy, six weeks later the fella had moved in.

 

They fight all the time now and are both probabky trying to figure out how to disentangle from each other.

[A Red]

You need to go through a process.

 

1. Grieve for what has happened

 

2. Worry about your future

 

3. Get fucking angry, fight all means fair and refuse to be walked on *

 

4. Get an agreement you can work with and self respect

 

5. Get into another relationship and thank fuck you are no longer with the nasty woman that started your problems

 

 

* Make sure you get to stage 3 as quick as possible

[Jenson]

You need to go through a process.

 

1. Grieve for what has happened

 

2. Worry about your future

 

3. Get fucking angry, fight all means fair and refuse to be walked on *

 

4. Get an agreement you can work with and self respect

 

5. Get into another relationship and thank fuck you are no longer with the nasty woman that started your problems

 

 

* Make sure you get to stage 3 as quick as possible

 

I know I need to get to stage 3, and I really wish I could hate* her so that I wouldn't feel so bad and get there sooner. But right now I can't, I love her too much and I'm more annoyed at myself for being such an idiot to still feel this way towards her.

 

 

*I don't really want to hate her, more feel indifferent so she can't hurt me anymore, and I feel ready to move on. Her moving on and finding someone else is the part I'm dreading more than anything. The very thought of it makes me feel sick.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Have you still got the engagement ring SD ?? I know that bad boys worth a few quid now.

 

I've never had my heart broken, or come even close, not a boast just a fact, unless you're considering certain girls over the years closing the back door when I've been dying forthem to open it, that's broke me heart a few times.

[Champ]

I know I need to get to stage 3, and I really wish I could hate* her so that I wouldn't feel so bad and get there sooner. But right now I can't, I love her too much and I'm more annoyed at myself for being such an idiot to still feel this way towards her.

 

 

*I don't really want to hate her, more feel indifferent so she can't hurt me anymore, and I feel ready to move on. Her moving on and finding someone else is the part I'm dreading more than anything. The very thought of it makes me feel sick.

Anger is one of the recognised stages of grief/loss. It may or may not end up being significant in what's happening to you and equally it doesn't mean that any anger has to be directed at her.

 

I see it as a generally negative emotion that doesn't really help in resolving complex situations or any situations really. Don't feel you're missing out by not feeling it

[Jenson]

I'm getting on my own nerves now, whining like this. Time to man up, look forward, and get back on Tinder!

[Champ]

I'm getting on my own nerves now, whining like this. Time to man up, look forward, and get back on Tinder!

Bloody hell! It's not Eastenders, you know

[Paulie Dangerously]

Bloody hell! It's not Eastenders, you know

 

 

'Ar carn't believe am 'earing this'

 

[setreal]

[Trumo]

I'm getting on my own nerves now, whining like this. Time to man up, look forward, and get back on Tinder!

 

Wait, back on Tinder? If she's been nosing around your phone, we might have narrowed down the cause of her aggro. A woman with a logical reason for being pissy? Wonders will never cease!

[russ1979]

I'm getting on my own nerves now, whining like this. Time to man up, look forward, and get back on Tinder!

https://youtu.be/bX81qzmkzq0