What is the maddest thing your bird has done?

[Remmie]

1 hour ago, Sugar Ape said:

Legendary TLW post. 

Some of the replies are absolute belters as well

[Remmie]

On 28/11/2010 at 00:13, manwiththestick said:

Sounds like a game bird, don't suppose you have her number do you?

 

On 28/11/2010 at 00:16, Doctor Troy said:

You want to see all the videos that she sent my mate that were shown in court and the texts she sent him that were read out in a posh voice by his barrister.

 

"You did text my client on the 4th of March - come round to my house, fuck me up the arse, i'll suck your cock when you pull it out my arse and you can jizz on my face". The jury tried really hard to keep a straight face.

 

On 28/11/2010 at 00:19, Guest TesticleOReilly said:

 

Still got her number?

 

On 28/11/2010 at 01:08, TheBitch said:

 

 

No. Seriously. I need this number.

 

On 28/11/2010 at 02:26, The-Sir said:

Maddest thing my bird done?

 

Hmmm. It's difficult. There was this one time she started sleeping with some other lad. He came round to the house one night and stabbed me 18 times. That was pretty shitty like.

 

On 29/11/2010 at 01:52, Captain Turdseye said:

 

As you do.

 

On 27/11/2010 at 22:59, Guest TesticleOReilly said:

 

And he just slips it in like it's background info. Yeah, he stabbed him 18 times, but the guy lived and he's now got a job as a sieve, so every cloud an' all that.

Pure TLW gold

[Sugar Ape]

You still in touch with Stabby Ste @Doctor Troy ?

[Harry Squatter]

1 hour ago, Sugar Ape said:

You still in touch with Stabby Ste @Doctor Troy ?

Yeah. Spoke to him last week, weirdly him and the guy he stabbed are friends now and even had a pint together last year. 

[lifetime fan]

25 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Yeah. Spoke to him last week, weirdly him and the guy he stabbed are friends now and even had a pint together last year. 

 

Outstanding.

[TheBitch]

What a lovely conclusion.

[Bjornebye]

He threw his pint at him and soaked the fella behind him 

[Harry Squatter]

He ran off though after he asked him if he fancied a game of darts.

[Harry Squatter]

Bump.

 

Just got told today that my cousins ex Mrs drove her car down to a beach in North Wales last year with his two kids in the back and drove into the sea. 

 

Luckily a couple of passers by managed to drag the kids out of the car and she ended up in hospital. He's been given custody of the kids and she's been sectioned. 

 

She was always highly strung and argumentative, also wouldn't let him out of her sight for long as she always believed that he was seeing other women behind her back. Despite him having the conversation skills of an inanimate object. 

[Kevin D]

On 26/11/2010 at 14:35, Colonol said:

who are u going to believe, some michelin star chef known for his innovative dishes with a sensitive pallet or some random lad on a forum. I would choose the latter every time.

 

On 27/11/2010 at 22:00, Harry Squatter said:

My mates ex bird sacked him off to move in with a guy 25 years older than her who lived 3 doors away from my mate, 2 months after this she started shagging my mate behind her new fellas back. As her and my mate had a kid together he was desperate to get back together with her. She got pregnant about 3 months later but said it was the older guy's kid so he was devastated. Later she changed her mind and toild him it was his but kept getting the other guy to wind him up as much as possible.

 

My mate was stupid enough to believe that she still wanted to get back with him and she kept shagging him behind the other guys back, texting and sending picture messages every 5 minutes. She moved into her dads with his kid when she was heavily pregnant but set up a situation by texting my mate asking him to come round when she knew he was bladdered and then wound the other guy up so much he wanted to batter my mate. When my mate came round to her house the other guy tried to batter him and my mate ended up stabbing him 18 times, luckily the guy lived but my mate got 13 years.

 

At the trial she lied under oath about everything she did and said that she only kept shagging my mate because she was "terrified" of him and "wanted to keep the peace"

 

On 28/11/2010 at 02:26, The-Sir said:

Maddest thing my bird done?

 

Hmmm. It's difficult. There was this one time she started sleeping with some other lad. He came round to the house one night and stabbed me 18 times. That was pretty shitty like.

God I love this forum.

[Curly]

On 26/11/2010 at 14:44, Trumo said:

 

 

Should just point out it was originally done by Silk in 1992. I'd say the ex definitely qualifies as a nutter, and a flagrant tea-leaf at that.

This has blown my mind! Just had a look there and they’ve absolutely robbed the arse out of it!

 

This popping up as I had an early morning flick through my phone has done nothing for my post bank holiday productivity. Nothing.

[Fugitive]

On 29/11/2010 at 10:47, robbief said:

Mt bird's boss. We hardly ever fight, we did however have an argument in town once. I went to Tranmere away and she went shopping and we met up afterwards for a drink. I wanted to get pissed and she wanted t ogo home so she fucked off in a mood. I ended up getting a taxi to hers an hour later after a few pints and she walked round the corner from the bus stop as I got out the cab. I said sorry and mad sex ensued in her mums kitchen.

 

She does go a bit nutty now and again thinking she looks horrible and stuff. She just decides shes going to stay in bed and that. She hasn't done it for a while though.......... Probably because last time she done it she thought we we're going to the Lakes for the weekend but I had booked to go to Paris as a suprise. It cost me a grand so I decided 'you can be a spoiled twat, I'm still going' and off I went. I forgot to tell her though and got a phone call a few hours later saying 'Where are you........'

 

My reply of 'By the fruitmachines in Manchester airport' didn't go down well.

Didn’t the beefs bird turn out to be underage in the end?

[lifetime fan]

45 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

Didn’t the beefs bird turn out to be underage in the end?

Wasn’t it RobbieF who was playing pool? 

[Captain Turdseye]

8 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Wasn’t it RobbieF who was playing pool? 

Philly knocked out some army punk. 

[littletedwest]

On 24/11/2010 at 10:34, lifetime fan said:

I had a 2 inch nipple hair that I'd nicknamed Harry, I used to shampoo him extra special and he'd come out on special occasions at parties to entertain the crowd. His fans loved him.

 

One night I'd annoyed her over something, probably shitting over the back of the pan, and she pulled Harry out when I was asleep.

 

Bitch.

You should have called him Tony as he was the Tony one you had.

[Harry Squatter]

On 17/04/2020 at 11:25, TheBitch said:

What a lovely conclusion.

It was like the non Scooby Doo ending in Wayne's World where everyone sees the error of their ways and vows to be a better person. 

[Harry Squatter]

Spoke to a lad I used to play footy with who I haven't seen for years. He's just split up with his bird. She said it was because he wasn't career focused and hasn't grown up. He's been a fireman for fifteen years and owns his own house with no mortgage. Hes also got a teenage daughter who he has sole custody of. She is 38, a hairdresser and has lived with her parents all her life. 

[Harry Squatter]

On 17/04/2020 at 11:25, Bjornebye said:

He threw his pint at him and soaked the fella behind him 

Talking of pubs I remember him getting filled in outside a pub in Waterloo by a gang of 12 year old and getting a bmx launched onto his head.

 

He walked into the pub and his head was bleeding. A couple of us put our pints down and said we'd find them and fill them in but he said no. We all said why "err you can't cause they were about 12"