The world of a woman.

[littletedwest]

We've started watching peaky blinders. 

 

The other night " shall we watch some sneaky peakers?"

 

[manwiththestick]

To be fair Sneaky Peakers sounds like it could be more interesting.

[Remmie]

I've seen Sneaky peakers 1-17 and quite frankly your Mrs is a pervert if she wants to watch that

[Harry Squatter]

 

Anyone remember this loudmouth annoying scrubber?. 

[Bjornebye]

8 minutes ago, Harry Squatter said:

 

Anyone remember this loudmouth annoying scrubber?. 

I remember seeing some videos shared on Twitter. From New Brighton or somewhere like that isn’t she? A right crank 

[Harry Squatter]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

I remember seeing some videos shared on Twitter. From New Brighton or somewhere like that isn’t she? A right crank 

Woodchurch, I'm sure she will get filled in when she's in prison when she can't shut the fuck up for 5 seconds.

[sir roger]

46 minutes ago, Harry Squatter said:

Woodchurch, I'm sure she will get filled in when she's in prison when she can't shut the fuck up for 5 seconds.

Nah , she'll be on spice in 5 minutes and playing statues for 8 weeks.

[Mook]

Missus just said 'A mortgage isn't really debt.".

 

I just burst out laughing. You'll can guess who pays the mortgage off as well.

[Bruce Spanner]

We were walking past the cows on the farm and the new ones we have are massive, so I pointed at one and called it a ‘fat cow’ being the hilarious cunt I am.

 

Her response ‘Don’t fat shame her’

 

She was serious as well.

 

Too much Twitter for somebody…

[Harry Squatter]

A woman in work said she was watching The Wolfman with Benicio Del Toro in it. She genuinely thought he was Johnny from Coronation Street and thought he was killed off from the soap to star in more Hollywood films. 

[Section_31]

The Mrs wanted an extension and a new kitchen, so now most of my savings are gone and I'm in debt, but happy wife happy life etc. I can work from home and she can't, so for the last six weeks I've lived with the dust and racket, no water and all that bollocks. Now she keeps asking me why things aren't finished or why a tradesman is coming on one day but not another, saying she's fed up as it's gone on too long. I spend the days trying to project manage these shits, acting as a go between between what she wants and what they've done/haven't done the day before, then spend my evenings trying to convince her it'll all be worth it and not to get too downbeat, even though it's her baby in the first place. 

 

Stay single kids, get a dog, get a pocket pussy - be a thinker, not a stinker.  

[Total Longo]

The Mrs has just come into the house with a three foot long piece of some kind of white plastic edging. I said "What's that?" and she said "I don't know, it was out in the front". I followed up with "Is it ours?" and she said "No". I said "Why have you brought it into the house?" and she said "It's windy". 

 

There's only so far you can go with these conversations. 

[Section_31]

12 minutes ago, Total Longo said:

The Mrs has just come into the house with a three foot long piece of some kind of white plastic edging. I said "What's that?" and she said "I don't know, it was out in the front". I followed up with "Is it ours?" and she said "No". I said "Why have you brought it into the house?" and she said "It's windy". 

 

There's only so far you can go with these conversations. 

 

I read that in a Joe Pesci voice. 

[Mook]

41 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

The Mrs wanted an extension and a new kitchen, so now most of my savings are gone and I'm in debt, but happy wife happy life etc. I can work from home and she can't, so for the last six weeks I've lived with the dust and racket, no water and all that bollocks. Now she keeps asking me why things aren't finished or why a tradesman is coming on one day but not another, saying she's fed up as it's gone on too long. I spend the days trying to project manage these shits, acting as a go between between what she wants and what they've done/haven't done the day before, then spend my evenings trying to convince her it'll all be worth it and not to get too downbeat, even though it's her baby in the first place. 

 

Stay single kids, get a dog, get a pocket pussy - be a thinker, not a stinker.  

This has been my life since we moved into our new house.

 

My favourite part is when the joiner or whoever is finished, the missus will start moaning about all the things they've done wrong, like I give a flying fuck. As long as I have a TV, stereo, sofa, kitchen & bed, I'm happy. I could'nt give two fucks about what a door looks like.

[Section_31]

4 minutes ago, Mook said:

This has been my life since we moved into our new house.

 

My favourite part is when the joiner or whoever is finished, the missus will start moaning about all the things they've done wrong, like I give a flying fuck. As long as I have a TV, stereo, sofa, kitchen & bed, I'm happy. I could'nt give two fucks about what a door looks like.

 

Women definitely like setting men against each other in some sort of conflict situation, it's one step away from 'are you going to let him talk to me like that?' in the pub. 

 

It's like me saying I want my toilet cleaned but getting my Mrs to organise it with a female cleaner, coming home, looking at the bog and saying 'not good enough, get on the blower and call her a bitch'. 

[Tony Moanero]

20 minutes ago, Mook said:

This has been my life since we moved into our new house.

 

My favourite part is when the joiner or whoever is finished, the missus will start moaning about all the things they've done wrong, like I give a flying fuck. As long as I have a TV, stereo, sofa, kitchen & bed, I'm happy. I could'nt give two fucks about what a door looks like.

In the early eighties, my parents had the living room ceiling artexed. For the next ten years, whenever there was nothing on telly and he was bored, my dad would sit there looking up at ceiling, pointing out the minute flaws in the pattern. It used to drive my mum nuts.

[Preston Red]

47 minutes ago, Mook said:

This has been my life since we moved into our new house.

 

My favourite part is when the joiner or whoever is finished, the missus will start moaning about all the things they've done wrong, like I give a flying fuck. As long as I have a TV, stereo, sofa, kitchen & bed, I'm happy. I could'nt give two fucks about what a door looks like.

This and the uncanny ability to become a structural engineer to tell you what's wrong with the house. Mine acquires this talent when we argue about where the damp problem in our house is coming from. It must be the eaves and the roof that's a problem along with the drain pipe that's leaking.

 

Absolutely nothing to do with the pointing that needs redoing or the fact that she has the fucking windows shut all round the house and then has a skin-melting temperature shower upon whereby the moisture in the air has nowhere to go. Add into this her reluctance to get a dehumidifier since she could smell burning with the last one. Only she could smell it.

 

Then there's her secret career she must have as a mechanic too. That's a real piss boiler.

[Section_31]

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Section_31 said:

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

Well? 

[Section_31]

32 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Well? 

Tremendous. 

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Tremendous. 

 

 

[Geoff Woade]

36 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

Missed a chance to cause maximum awkwardness there. Should have gone something like ‘I don’t really notice arses, I’m more into feet’

[Jose Jones]

18 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Met my wife's new boss the other day at a wedding do, my Mrs thinks she's great and has been raving about her for ages. 

 

I have to say, she looks a lot like a tall Terri Hatcher, and at the end of the night she comes up to both of us and goes to me: "Someone from work just told me I've got no arse, what do you think of my arse?"

 

Mrs was totally oblivious to the inappropriateness of this, and I just replied 'ha, have a word with HR!' 

 

"No, seriously - what do you think of my arse?!"

 

Me: "ha indeed, hashtag metoo!"

 

Strange creatures. 

 

 

Should've just gone with the Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman "Hoo ah!" there.

 

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

My mum was bemoaning the lack of shopping options since the Walton Vale Heron closed down. The Iceland has gone really down market. 

 

That's the artisanal deli/boutique of....The Iceland. 

[sir roger]

If I lived near Walton Vale I wouldn't need anything other than the Iceland and the Chicken Barbecue.