What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[TheHowieLama]

The hallucinogenic table cloth.

 

By FAR the best bit.

[mgw100]

First rule of acid, never mix with a full English.

[Bruce Spanner]

13 minutes ago, mgw100 said:

First rule of acid, never mix with a full English.

 

Once got kicked out of a Cafe in Huddersfield off my tits on acid and base cocaine, I can attest to the fact that never the twian should meet.

 

It was seven o'clock in the morning and me and my fuck head friend thought the best idea in the world was to drop acid, take coke and get a train to Huddersfield straight from an all night club.

 

The police were called as my mate refused to come down from a tree in the town centre.

 

Good times.

[KMD7]

3 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Must cost the Codes a fortune taking themselves out for breakfast.
 

He gets a group discount, so it's not all bad. 

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

On 11/06/2021 at 14:24, Tony Moanero said:

Looks pretty nice, that. Needs some tomatoes, though.

Proper tomatoes, though (not out of a tin). Also, they must have spent more than 5 seconds in the pan. 

 

There is no excuse for lowering standards on this breakfast item, but it happens all too often when ordering a fry-up. They come out all anemic like this monstrosity:

 

 

When they should be like this:

 

 

 

 

Properly done tomatoes on a breakfast is a delight.

[Tony Moanero]

32 minutes ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

Proper tomatoes, though (not out of a tin). Also, they must have spent more than 5 seconds in the pan. 

 

There is no excuse for lowering standards on this breakfast item, but it happens all too often when ordering a fry-up. They come out all anemic like this monstrosity:

 

 

When they should be like this:

 

 

 

 

Properly done tomatoes on a breakfast is a delight.

Fresh tomatoes are preferable to tinned whole tomatoes, but I don’t mind the latter. I agree that tomatoes need to be fried or grilled properly.

[Bjornebye]

On 11/06/2021 at 16:11, Jairzinho said:

Could happily eat about 10 slices of heavily buttered toast. 

This. Best post of the year so far. 

5 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Out now at my favourite local breakfast spot, same outside table. Idyllic if you pretend you can’t hear the cars on the main road 6 feet behind you, and pretend you can’t see the shell garage next door.

 

anyway, another belting breakfast.

 

my missus didn’t have her norks out I’m afraid.

 

mine: full English (£7.10) including coffee and two granary toast with extra black pudding (£0.80).

 

hers: vegetarian breakfast (£6.50) including coffee.

 

my sausage was a title underdone on yhw

inside but a good quality product, the black pudding was superb. Her veggie sausages looked great but she had to leave a hash brown cause it was a bit soggy.

 

all in all... bostin.

No tits and cunt devil spawn? Fuck you mate. Honestly, fuck you. It's the weekend ruined you .. just fuck off mate I hope it gave you aids 

2 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

Went to Ma Wom's for breakfast this morning and was served this lot up. Some tea and white bread with it, I wasn't in the mood for toast this morning. 

 

 

 

 

[Bjornebye]

2 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

 

Once got kicked out of a Cafe in Huddersfield off my tits on acid and base cocaine, I can attest to the fact that never the twian should meet.

 

It was seven o'clock in the morning and me and my fuck head friend thought the best idea in the world was to drop acid, take coke and get a train to Huddersfield straight from an all night club.

 

The police were called as my mate refused to come down from a tree in the town centre.

 

Good times.

Outstanding. 

[Pidge]

2 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

Went to Ma Wom's for breakfast this morning and was served this lot up. Some tea and white bread with it, I wasn't in the mood for toast this morning. 

 

 

Would happily sit down to that with a half pint of HP Sauce. 

[Stouffer]

3 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

Went to Ma Wom's for breakfast this morning and was served this lot up. Some tea and white bread with it, I wasn't in the mood for toast this morning. 

 

 

Is it just me that thinks that looks upside down?

 

I can't explain what I mean any better I'm afraid. 

[Mudface]

4 minutes ago, Stouffer said:

Is it just me that thinks that looks upside down?

 

I can't explain what I mean any better I'm afraid. 

Haha, I've thought the same a couple times too.

[Bjornebye]

57 minutes ago, Stouffer said:

Is it just me that thinks that looks upside down?

 

I can't explain what I mean any better I'm afraid. 

If I got served that the plate would have been upside down. 

[Barrington Womble]

2 hours ago, Stouffer said:

Is it just me that thinks that looks upside down?

 

I can't explain what I mean any better I'm afraid. 

Not as upside down as this looks. 

[Stouffer]

8 minutes ago, Barrington Womble said:

Not as upside down as this looks. 

You're freaking me out now; is that brekki stuck to the ceiling?

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Stouffer said:

You're freaking me out now; is that brekki stuck to the ceiling?

Would be if I got served it. 

 

Etc 

[Curly]

22 hours ago, Pidge said:

Can't trust a grown adult who insists on only eating white bread. Do you want your crusts cut off as well?

Brown bread is delicious if left untoasted. Although I don’t wish to conform to your adult and trust opinions, so stick that in your boyfriend’s crack pipe and smoke it

[Bob]

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

[Bruce Spanner]

7 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

 

Fuck that off and lean in to being a heifer.

 

Buy a joke book, learn a few, as it's a universal fact that women love a fat, loud, funny cunt and reap the rewards of my sound advice

 

Don't put yourself through this misery, life's too short.

[DJLJ]

1 hour ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

Do you have a picture after you cooked it, to compare against?

[Barrington Womble]

A double breakfast weekend for me as the family wanted to go out this morning, no wonder I'm a far cunt. Tilda's kitchen in Walton Vale. It's been a while since I've been here and the breakfast was a little different to before. The below was £8.50 with tea and 2 toast. 

 

Positive

Lovely quality bacon and well cooked. 

Nice quality eggs with tasty yokes. 

Hash browns while just frozen jobs were lovely. 

 

Negative

Took 50 mins to arrive (they warned half an hour)

One of the eggs was overcooked and the yoke spoilt. 

The sausages were very different to last time, they were small and a bit dry and tough. The flavour was ok, but just cooked badly I think. 

The black pudding was ok flavour wise, but too dry. 

Toast as seems to be the theme these days was undercooked. 

 

Overall it did the job and was a decent feed, but I won't be rushing back. 6/10

 

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

2 minutes ago, Barrington Womble said:

A double breakfast weekend for me as the family wanted to go out this morning, no wonder I'm a far cunt. Tilda's kitchen in Walton Vale. It's been a while since I've been here and the breakfast was a little different to before. The below was £8.50 with tea and 2 toast. 

 

Positive

Lovely quality bacon and well cooked. 

Nice quality eggs with tasty yokes. 

Hash browns while just frozen jobs were lovely. 

 

Negative

Took 50 mins to arrive (they warned half an hour)

One of the eggs was overcooked and the yoke spoilt. 

The sausages were very different to last time, they were small and a bit dry and tough. The flavour was ok, but just cooked badly I think. 

The black pudding was ok flavour wise, but too dry. 

Toast as seems to be the theme these days was undercooked. 

 

Overall it did the job and was a decent feed, but I won't be rushing back. 6/10

 

 

 

Where to even start…

 

The plate doesn’t know if it’s Arthur or Martha. It’s shape is disturbing to say the least. Not quite as disturbing as the black pudding cut to look like the smile of a woman who’s going to make you pay.

 

I’d say one egg is overcooked, the other undercooked. Both belong in some form of correctional facility. 
 

Bacon looks ok. The sausages look too small and where bangers are concerned, size most definitely does matter. 
 

I’m undecided on the hash browns being placed on their edges. You’re possibly trying to convey some kind of SOS with this. If so, I hope somebody comes to your aid. Even if you didn’t need it before, after eating that breakfast you will now.

 

Bonus point for the beans.

 

4/10

[Curly]

1 hour ago, Barrington Womble said:

A double breakfast weekend for me as the family wanted to go out this morning, no wonder I'm a far cunt. Tilda's kitchen in Walton Vale. It's been a while since I've been here and the breakfast was a little different to before. The below was £8.50 with tea and 2 toast. 

 

Positive

Lovely quality bacon and well cooked. 

Nice quality eggs with tasty yokes. 

Hash browns while just frozen jobs were lovely. 

 

Negative

Took 50 mins to arrive (they warned half an hour)

One of the eggs was overcooked and the yoke spoilt. 

The sausages were very different to last time, they were small and a bit dry and tough. The flavour was ok, but just cooked badly I think. 

The black pudding was ok flavour wise, but too dry. 

Toast as seems to be the theme these days was undercooked. 

 

Overall it did the job and was a decent feed, but I won't be rushing back. 6/10

 

 

 

“Sorry about the long wait - just finishing the sausages for you mate. They’re nearly there. 5 more minutes of this and it’ll be with you”

 

 

[Curly]

2 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

Sugar free beans are turd, so I applaud the decision there. I thought I’d caught covid when I had them on toast - don’t taste of anything, the tasteless cunts

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

Hahahahahahahaha fuck you mate 

2 hours ago, Barrington Womble said:

A double breakfast weekend for me as the family wanted to go out this morning, no wonder I'm a far cunt. Tilda's kitchen in Walton Vale. It's been a while since I've been here and the breakfast was a little different to before. The below was £8.50 with tea and 2 toast. 

 

Positive

Lovely quality bacon and well cooked. 

Nice quality eggs with tasty yokes. 

Hash browns while just frozen jobs were lovely. 

 

Negative

Took 50 mins to arrive (they warned half an hour)

One of the eggs was overcooked and the yoke spoilt. 

The sausages were very different to last time, they were small and a bit dry and tough. The flavour was ok, but just cooked badly I think. 

The black pudding was ok flavour wise, but too dry. 

Toast as seems to be the theme these days was undercooked. 

 

Overall it did the job and was a decent feed, but I won't be rushing back. 6/10

 

 

 

Dirty twat 

[Tony Moanero]

4 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Back on the slow carb diet today after writing last week off due to leftover birthday cake and beer, so cooked up breakfast this morning.

 

it’ll go down very badly on here, I’m sure, but went down very well in actual fact.

 

one bacon rasher, 1.5 turkey bacon rashers, half of 5 scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes, smashed avo(cado) and some wonderful mushrooms.

 

the big gap on the plate is where the beans I couldn’t be arsed making (cause I cant have sugary Heinz ones) should go.

 

 

Lovely shade of blue on that mug.