Wank Phrases people use at work.

[NoelM]

The latest one in our place- "We'll keep going like this unless we get a 'bluebird' from somewhere" wtf?

[Mook]

"Round the houses."

 

Does my tits in, can they not just say it's been passed about a bit?

[bouncebrigade]

"Good weekend?"

 

Especially when it's the office twat who is only asking because they want you to ask about theirs so they can tell you how important and great and shit and aids ridden and rich and shit and fuckety fucking fuck fuck boring they are.

 

VIP at usher? Die in a sinking pig skin car in a pool of fire breathing piranha's you slag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An wash your twat.

 

This had me in convulsions.

 

Had to walk away from my desk.

[Bjornebye]

Soz laa.

 

 

 

yeah "bluebird" is another one new on me. They use it in our place as a term for a deal coming in out of the blue. Fucking shits.

[Champ]

The latest one in our place- "We'll keep going like this unless we get a 'bluebird' from somewhere" wtf?

Nah, never heard that one before. It'll only be a matter of time though

[redheart]

Someone needs to "triage" the situation. Not unless you work in a hospital they fucking don't.

 

Someone needs to "cascade" this information to all staff. Not unless you work for an environment agency and you deal with waterfalls.

 

And one final thing as per Alexei Sayle if you are not in light engineering and you use the word "workshop" you are a cunt of the highest order!

[Harry Squatter]

Triage was the buzzword in my work for about a year. I went to a meeting and kept a bar chart of how many times it got said. In a 45 minute meeting I counted 33 "Triages"

[lifetime fan]

Just spoke to a customer care executive. Or a call centre worker.

[Bjornebye]

"rationale" 

 

One of the female managers at our place uses that term all the time.... but.... the best (or worst) thing about it is.. she says "ration'ell'" instead of rationale. Fucking mancunian as well. A proper one, not a southern man u fan but a bonafide, born in manchester heathen. 

[Harry Squatter]

"Quick wins". Basically a piss easy case that someone can get an easy stat for.

[magicrat]

I give you "Rain-makers" . Beat that motherfuckers.

I genuinely heard someone described as a rain-maker last week. Pityful 

[sir roger]

The most annoying recent addition in our place is if anybody makes a valid query or raises a perfectly good reason to not do what the meeting leader is pushing, they then put their head patronisingly on one side, mutter ' Yeah, Yeah, I get that ' and then just plough on ignoring it.

[Trumo]

"It's not my job to..."

 

No it might not be one of the listed requirements of your role, but you need to realise that certain things have made your job a little bit easier because somebody somewhere has gone out of their way, ie, beyond their listed job remit - to ensure that things get done and work more smoothly. You fucking cretin.

[Rico1304]

I know of busines's where come bonus time the Operation, the bit that makes the money, doesn't hit its target so the workers,don't get full bonus, but HR get full bonus. Work that out.

[scottyb9r]

All they seem to say at my work to me is.......when you gonna get that finished??!! And..... you where supposed to be at another job tomorrow....but you haven't finished here yet!!!

[Original202]

"Let's take this offline, we can discuss it in the break-out area. 10 o'clock, can you diarise that?"

 

Fuck off.

[General Dryness]

I give you "Rain-makers" . Beat that motherfuckers.

I genuinely heard someone described as a rain-maker last week. Pityful 

 

Jokes on you when this fella turns up.

 

[Duff Man]

Noticed a few cunts in my work have started talking as if their politicians. Beginning sentences with shit like "what I would say, is..." and "let me be clear,...". Some twat even does the whole Tony Blair hand thing, even though we're only having an informal meeting in the coffee room. If it carries on I'll be left with no option but to staple gun his face.

[Ginny]

Confirm

[Harry Squatter]

"Case conference". Which means sitting down and having a chat about a case that isn't straightforward.

[Harry Squatter]

Noticed a few cunts in my work have started talking as if their politicians. Beginning sentences with shit like "what I would say, is..." and "let me be clear,...". Some twat even does the whole Tony Blair hand thing, even though we're only having an informal meeting in the coffee room. If it carries on I'll be left with no option but to staple gun his face.

Some midget cunt in my workplace describes anything remotely shite as "not fit for purpose". The Hobbit bell end.

[Mad Erik]

I enjoy taking a turn on the 'ideas carousel'.

[redinblack62]

People who want to know if there are any points people want to raise at a meeting "are there any call outs?" are we plumbers?

 

People who want to sum up a meeting..."so the take away from this is......" and they dont mean salt and pepper ribs with char sui fried rice.

 

Bollocks it is.

[General Dryness]

Some midget cunt in my workplace describes anything remotely shite as "not fit for purpose". The Hobbit bell end.

 

Put all their office equipment on a high shelf. That ought to fix the problem.

 

"I can't reach my stapler."

"Whats up, arms not fit for purpose?"

[Section_31]

"Can I challenge you on that?"

 

"Let me just challenge you back."

 

Management spiel is basically just double speak, people just working for a living but trying to pretend they do genuinely care about the company.