Boring anecdotes

[Total Longo]

A dull anecdote about dull anecdotes.

 

A few years ago i got sick of people's completely dull facebook status updates like "Just been the chippy for special fried rice....with *tag in girlfriends name*" or "staying in....with  *tag in girlfriends name*", so i went out of my way to put in the most tediously uninteresting status updates of all time. I tried to do it without a hint of sarcasm and i think the majority of my mates got on to it, but i did get a fewf PM's asking if i was alright, always off females.  

[ZonkoVille77]

I walked past a girl I used to pal around with in my late teens. I recognised her but she didn't recognise me. So I walked faster to overtake her. I then noticed her getting on the same train as me. She walked by me again and still didn't recognise me. Or else she does and wants to forget all about it.

[Karl_b]

I was looking for a job and then I found a job.

[littletedwest]

I just cleaned the bathroom, amazing how dog hairs get everywhere

[littletedwest]

I just cleaned the bathroom, amazing how dog hairs get everywhere

[Rico1304]

I seem to be eating more duck than I normally do.

[TheHowieLama]

Just about to tell the story of how I sparred a few rounds with Evander Holyfield years ago, then put on my glasses, anyway....

[SlugTrail]

I was slightly startled by a cat when i took the bin out this morning.

pussy

[SammyAftershave]

I spewed up a few months ago and was surprised to find there didn't appear to be any carrot content in it. So that story about there 'always' being carrot in your spew even when you haven't eat any is nothing more than an old wives tale to me. I was going to write to my MP but after some consideration I thought better of it.

[Stouffer]

A bloke at work (Jeff) saw am unusual moth a few months ago; he took a picture of it.

[VladimirIlyich]

I was looking for a job and then I found a job.

I'm miserable now.

[General Dryness]

I got to work this morning and realised how much I hate it and how much I want to kill everyone here.

 

If anyone wants to see a picture of me, keep an eye on the NZ media. I'll be the one wearing a necklace of human ears.

[Reckoner]

About 3 minutes before I discovered this thread I was told a story so long and boring I can't even bring myself to type it out.

Would you like to share with the group Mathew?

[matt1983]

Would you like to share with the group Mathew?

Turns out the new caretaker at work used to work where I got married,and...nope, still can't.

[Reckoner]

Turns out the new caretaker at work used to work where I got married,and...nope, still can't.

How does that make you feel? Im sensing some unresolved issues here.

[Reckoner]

I really feel it would be beneficial for your character development to share this Mathew.

Besides we're all nosey cunts here.

[Section_31]

All of my work anecdotes are boring. The Mrs always asks me how my day went and it's usually along the lines of "they had chicken soup in the canteen, I thought about getting some but didn't".

[Moctezuma]

I just cleaned the bathroom, amazing how dog hairs get everywhere

My flatmate and Girlfriend malt like a golden retriever, to point where I'm considering a robot hoover.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

We went to aintree for the thur-fri of grand national weekend as we've done a fair few times as a bit of a Uni reunion. Trouble is the small group we started with has dwindled as ones unreliable, and two others are in Dubai and Australia, so we basically drafted a few replacements in to make sure we had a decent number. About 8 of us, maybe 9.

 

Anyway, getting to the point, one lad who was drafted in had been on a golfing holiday the week prior and having just got back had it pretty firmly on the brain.

 

The problem is that he's a bit autistic and while he's a lovely lad and very funny, you're mostly laughing at rather than with.

 

Sat down for dinner in Buffet Star in town after a day on the beer at the races, he begins to tell a tape from his golf weekend. The three lads that travelled over from Leeds with him on the train had heard it already so rolled their eyes. The rest of us listened in amazement as he took twenty minutes to tell the most boring anecdote I've ever heard, which I summed up for him when he'd finished by saying: "so, you nearly missed golf, but then didn't?" To which he nodded his head and said "aye".

 

We obviously pissed ourselves laughing at him.

 

The next night we went back to get changed after the races before heading into town, and he started to tell the same tale to the taxi driver on the way in. We were pudding ourselves again as the driver pulled to an urgent stop on ullet road, stated across at him in the passenger seat, and said with a completely straight face "get out, that's the most boring thing I've ever heard, get out"

Has anyone actually mentioned it to yer mate - that he might be a bit fucking repetitive on the story telling? If you are a bit of an autistic spaccer self awareness when yer having a ramble is pretty limited. Took me years to get onto the eye rolling as I retold a story for the umpteenth time, now I can appreciate it and laugh at myself when i get onto it.

[A Red]

I was cleaning inside a shower this morning listening to music on my iphone headphones when the phone rang. "Thats odd" I thought, " I dont normally get a signal here" and scrambled to answer it. 

 

It was then that I realised that my phone in fact wasnt ringing but The Back of Love by Echo & the Bunnymen had come on, the opening bars of which are my ringtone. I did have a chuckle. 

[Juniper]

Talking of showers, ours has had a leak for a couple weeks, been waiting for a plumber based neighbour to come over and take a look.

 

Turns out the drain pipe had come loose against one of the other pipes and the washer simply wasn't tight against it to stop some leakage.

 

Got on my hands and knees the other day and tightened it up after checking all the pipes were right after a brainwave.

 

The result now? No leaks on our bathroom tiles.

 

Chuffed with it

[Bobby Hundreds]

I had blueberry ketchup the other day, it was nice I was expecting it not to be nice... But it was.

[PestiRed]

Last night my taxi driver didn't take cards and I was slightly short of the cash amount. He let me off and I didn't have to be arse- raped or anything

[Dr Nowt]

Last night my taxi driver didn't take cards and I was slightly short of the cash amount. He let me off and I didn't have to be arse- raped or anything

Maybe he posts on here, and having read your non-butty dipping soup pretensions and no milk in tea filthy deviance, didn't fancy risking bad shithouse dog AIDS.

[PestiRed]

Maybe he posts on here, and having read your non-butty dipping soup pretensions and no milk in tea filthy deviance, didn't fancy risking bad shithouse dog AIDS.

My excellent taste in both of these matters is likely to make me hugely attractive on the East European taxi scene