Strategic wanks in dirty public toilets

[llego]

I used to work with a fella who would often slope off for a 'shit' at brew time. It was a running joke' date=' "Charlies off for a wank" sort of thing, though in truth most of us just thought he was having a shit. One of the lads, probably the same one who started the wanker rumour, decided to catch him in the act, and followed him into the toilet and held his camera phone over the cubicle door. He came back into the brew hut, phone in hand, saying "I've got him". We gathered round the tiny screen and sure enough there was Charlie, pants down, banging one off. About ten seconds into the footage Charlie spots the phone, gives a thumbs up and a wink, and carries on regardless.[/quote']

 

Thread saved.

[Alan Sex]

Try putting your willy through the magic hole in the side of the cubicle.

 

Bingo! Magic cumshot, no cleanup required.

[sir roger]

Surely a young'un like yourself with a weekend-only relationship should be looking at at least 2 goes on the Saturday, even after fitting in the rest of the stuff, so the first one is a pipe cleaner with a ' God you don't know how much I 've been looking forward to that all week' thrown in to salve both egos & the second one is the bomb.

 

Stop throwing yourself around dodgy bogs would be my advice.

[lifetime fan]

Surely a young'un like yourself with a weekend-only relationship should be looking at at least 2 goes on the Saturday, even after fitting in the rest of the stuff, so the first one is a pipe cleaner with a ' God you don't know how much I 've been looking forward to that all week' thrown in to salve both egos & the second one is the bomb.

 

Stop throwing yourself around dodgy bogs would be my advice.

 

 

If I'd not had any for a week she'd be on her back as soon as I got there before I was taking her out and spending money on her. I'd expect her to be the same.

 

Are you sure she's not fucking around behind your back?

[General Dryness]

Try putting your willy through the magic hole in the side of the cubicle.

 

Bingo! Magic cumshot, no cleanup required.

 

Ahh, the magic hole. Can't see whats on t'other side, don't care whats on t'other side.

 

In your head its Jessica Alba getting analingus off Kate Middleton. Glory days my friend, glory days.

[General Dryness]

I used to work with a fella who would often slope off for a 'shit' at brew time. It was a running joke, "Charlies off for a wank" sort of thing, though in truth most of us just thought he was having a shit. One of the lads, probably the same one who started the wanker rumour, decided to catch him in the act, and followed him into the toilet and held his camera phone over the cubicle door. He came back into the brew hut, phone in hand, saying "I've got him". We gathered round the tiny screen and sure enough there was Charlie, pants down, banging one off. About ten seconds into the footage Charlie spots the phone, gives a thumbs up and a wink, and carries on regardless.

 

I knew there was a reason I called my cat Charlie.

 

Its because this cunt is my new hero. Thats the cosmos fuckin' with shit, people.

[Captain Turdseye]

My mate Dan will wank anywhere too. He was visiting his nan in the old folks home that she lives in when the feeling took him. He was cracking one off in his nans tiny bathroom when she walked in on him. The old dear apologised and left the room so Dan finished himself off and cleaned himself up before he went out to face the music.

[General Dryness]

My mate Dan will wank anywhere too. He was visiting his nan in the old folks home that she lives in when the feeling took him. He was cracking one off in his nans tiny bathroom when she walked in on him. The old dear apologised and left the room so Dan finished himself off and cleaned himself up before he went out to face the music.

 

Hahahaha fucking hell.

 

Thats getting repped when I can.

[Fowlers God]

Fucking hell lad, my Mrs goes down another aisle to me in the supermarket and I'm banging one out in the frozen section. Men and wanking go hand in hand.

[RJ Fan club]

Men and wanking go hand in hand.

 

I've never held another man's hand when wanking. It would be fucking strange.

[zigackly]

[YOUTUBE]NPUNsN-0Lz4&autoplay=1[/YOUTUBE]

 

Neg away mofos. This thread demanded a theme tune.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

A title like that deserves a little explanation so hear me out.

 

Since I started seriously dating a wonderful

girl for the first time in several years, Ive felt unusually wholesome and healthy where sexual matters are concerned. I stopped watching porn and I dont miss it. Ive stopped wanking every day or more out of boredom. My performances in the sack have been fairly steadily improving.

 

But theres a big logistical issue- I live two hours away from her and we usually only see each other on weekends. We do loads of active stuff together all day and when night comes, given that theres also a full work week behind us, we are both pretty tired. So the window of opportunity is pretty small, and the sexy times are limited to once or twice a week. That means theyve gotta count!

 

Now true love and rapturous physical symbiosis notwithstanding, if I havent splooged all week the lovemaking will be short and not so sweet. Thats a fact of life as far as Im concerned.

 

This has lead to an ever more frequent situation where I find myself at work, in some building in NY (I work on film shoots so its usually a different one every day), and Im going to be seeing the lady later that night. And I need to clear out my

balls or sexy time will be ruined.

 

Hence hunkering down in some shit covered toilet stall at 2 in the afternoon, with grunting shitting farting men 3 feet away from me behind a thin wall, their fecal smells wafting over me as I clench my eyes shut, think of titties and furiously try to rub one out into the toilet bowl, feeling an awful lot like a 15 year old.

 

Anyone know where Im coming from? No pun intended.

 

I don't really get this, well I understand the premise, but why would you not just have a thoroughly enjoyable quickie with her then half an hour/hour later go again ??

[s(k)aturation]

Freud would agree, but he doesnt know shit.

 

No, Freud would ask whether your Mum was in the next cubicle.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

My mate Dan will wank anywhere too. He was visiting his nan in the old folks home that she lives in when the feeling took him. He was cracking one off in his nans tiny bathroom when she walked in on him. The old dear apologised and left the room so Dan finished himself off and cleaned himself up before he went out to face the music.

 

Was this not an episode of the Inbetweeners ??

[Champ]

 

I don't really get this' date=' well I understand the premise, but why would you not just have a thoroughly enjoyable quickie with her then half an hour/hour later go again ??[/quote']

 

Agreed. It all sounds a bit clincal

[s(k)aturation]

Agreed. It all sounds a bit clincal

 

We can't all be spontaneous, incorrigible, insatiable night-shifters like you, Champ.

 

And don't you think CT should own up to his own perversions and not invent mates called "Dan"?

[Captain Turdseye]

Was this not an episode of the Inbetweeners ??

 

Was it? It happened to my mate years ago, before The Inbetweeners. He was also allegedly seen by friends of his little sister, knocking one out in his mums living room in the middle of the day with the curtains wide open.

 

And don't you think CT should own up to his own perversions and not invent mates called "Dan"?

 

Ha. It wasn't me. Call me weird but I like to keep my masturbation limited to inside my own home.

[Captain Turdseye]

I've just remembered the episode of The Inbetweeners that you're on about Zeke. IIRC it was Jay while he was working there, tossing off to a photo at the end of the bed. It is similar, I'll give you that.

[kingkenny78]

I always thought a 'strategic wank' was a purely performance enhancing manoeuvre designed to make you last a bit longer during sex.

 

The old adage ' Never go in with a loaded gun ' and all that.

 

Unlike Oscar.

[VladimirIlyich]

I struggle to piss in public toilets so there's no way on earth I could do the five knuckle shuffle in there.

[Indian Red]

I`ve wanked in work bogs quite often. Usually when reading some thread on GF with fit birds in it

[llego]

 

I don't really get this' date=' well I understand the premise, but why would you not just have a thoroughly enjoyable quickie with her then half an hour/hour later go again ??[/quote']

 

Yes, of course that makes more sense, but the trouble is with the exhaustion from the busy week and the full weekend schedules (shes all about getting up early and jogging etc) a second round is usually quite tricky to initiate.

 

Shamefully I must admit the filthy toilet wank worked a charm once again this week.

[Champ]

Yes, of course that makes more sense, but the trouble is with the exhaustion from the busy week and the full weekend schedules (shes all about getting up early and jogging etc) a second round is usually quite tricky to initiate.

 

Shamefully I must admit the filthy toilet wank worked a charm once again this week.

 

I'm coming round to the idea that lifey may have a point here!

[Bjornebye]

I've just remembered the episode of The Inbetweeners that you're on about Zeke. IIRC it was Jay while he was working there, tossing off to a photo at the end of the bed. It is similar, I'll give you that.

 

caught blagging again?

[Pony Princess]

I usually neg for auto-play but this is so good I'm ok with it.

 

Years ago I got a nosh off a guy in the London Natural History Museum (the floor where all the dinosaur shit is) and I would have loved this tune to be playing.