Depression

[Bjornebye]

4 hours ago, TheSire said:

So I think with most people this is 100% the case. Maybe with me I'm actually comfortable in opening up and I wonder if the actual act of talking isn't the thing that lifts my mood. I think my brain just wants the answer itself? I'm aware I might just be weird though!

 

Funnily enough was chatting to a lad last night about this and he was saying how his loud and dominant persona is all bullshit and he's actually quite sensitive underneath. I think we can really care about how we're perceived and build a front to present to the outside world and we get trapped in this false comfort that harms us in the long run.

Well your mates not alone. I act the bollocks in public but privately I wander if the bannister can hold my weight. It’s a cunt of a thing but it’s manageable if you openly talk about it. Everyone’s fucked it’s just the way of this god forsaken world and all we can do is make the best of this short ride and piss as many people off as possible on the way 

[Section_31]

1 hour ago, YorkshireRed said:

The rejection things that Section wrote about, is me all over. I think I’ve become addicted to the suffering that causes over the years though. There are probably times when I’ve gone looking for it, or seen a rejection that probably wasn’t there. 

 

Yeah self sabotage. 

 

When I was in my 20s and trying to get a Mrs, I had no concept at all of "the chase", or of playing the long game. I'd tend to ask them out from a distance, say via a text or through a friend, and if they weren't immediately up for it I'd swerve them forever. I'd get this almost volcanic feeling of despair and anger bubbling up, I'd delete their numbers, Facebook, even those of their friends. But conversely, the feeling was also sort of empowering, like a drug. I felt like Caesar at a victory parade, but I don't know what the victory was. 

 

A good example was a bird I worked with. I'd asked a female colleague to sound her out about whether she was single. She said yes but wasn't looking for anything. I waited until she left to go to another job, text her asking her out, she said yes but said "just so you know, I'm not looking for anything like that at the moment". So I said we'd leave it. She said well let me know if you ever fancy a drink. 

 

I deleted her number and a week later got a "hey how are you?", I'm like "who's this?" and she's like "it's Nikki, a few of us are going out at the weekend do you fancy it?" And I was like "no." And that was that.

 

I spent that weekend in bed watching The Wire, and was quite happy with that.

 

My 20s were filled with that kind of shit, rinse and repeat.

[Champ]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Well your mates not alone. I act the bollocks in public but privately I wander if the bannister can hold my weight. It’s a cunt of a thing but it’s manageable if you openly talk about it. Everyone’s fucked it’s just the way of this god forsaken world and all we can do is make the best of this short ride and piss as many people off as possible on the way 

But seriously, are the traits that TheSire’s describing resonating with your own experiences

[Captain Willard]

I got obsessed with chasing women in my 20s. Wrecked 2 loving relationships just for the transient thrill of a new pair of tits. Grew out of it finally but it was a curse. 

[TheSire]

1 hour ago, YorkshireRed said:

A lot of kindred spirits on here for me. This brings me comfort, but also saddens me to read of others discomfort. 
 

The rejection things that Section wrote about, is me all over. I think I’ve become addicted to the suffering that causes over the years though. There are probably times when I’ve gone looking for it, or seen a rejection that probably wasn’t there. 
 

I have developed coping mechanisms for many of the things being discussed on these pages but, as I get older, these are becoming all the more difficult.
 

I’m also grieving for a life not lived, but simultaneously feeling guilty for those feelings as I have no right to them. 
 

My hope that, one day, someone will just tell me exactly what’s wrong, and how I can fix it. I’ve had a diagnosis of anxiety and depression, but I feel these are an output of something deeper. 
 

Until then, it’s good to know that places like this exist. It helps. 

A big pointer for me was when I realised there was no obvious trigger to the negative mood shifts and they'd come and go within a day or so. I used to hate grey days as I'd feel really off, now I don't care at all and it's a massive relief. Probably the brain just feeding into my emotional centre ITS GREY AND THE WEATHER ISNT GREAT, THINK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY AND FEEL OFF BALANCE FOR NO OBVIOUS REASON. Thanks! 

[TheSire]

32 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

Yeah self sabotage. 

 

When I was in my 20s and trying to get a Mrs, I had no concept at all of "the chase", or of playing the long game. I'd tend to ask them out from a distance, say via a text or through a friend, and if they weren't immediately up for it I'd swerve them forever. I'd get this almost volcanic feeling of despair and anger bubbling up, I'd delete their numbers, Facebook, even those of their friends. But conversely, the feeling was also sort of empowering, like a drug. I felt like Caesar at a victory parade, but I don't know what the victory was. 

 

A good example was a bird I worked with. I'd asked a female colleague to sound her out about whether she was single. She said yes but wasn't looking for anything. I waited until she left to go to another job, text her asking her out, she said yes but said "just so you know, I'm not looking for anything like that at the moment". So I said we'd leave it. She said well let me know if you ever fancy a drink. 

 

I deleted her number and a week later got a "hey how are you?", I'm like "who's this?" and she's like "it's Nikki, a few of us are going out at the weekend do you fancy it?" And I was like "no." And that was that.

 

I spent that weekend in bed watching The Wire, and was quite happy with that.

 

My 20s were filled with that kind of shit, rinse and repeat.

Yep, just non existent emotional regulation. That inability to pause, back off and then rationally think through just isn't there and as a result your emotions are just way too strong for the actual situation but you can't help this aspect without some help. It leads to kneejerk reacting and the stronger those negative feelings the more dramatic and potentially damaging the reaction is.

 

I've done this in the past, my thing was usually to push people away or shut them off if I thought I could get hurt and later you regret it a bit. Those feelings fade and you wish you could have left things more amicable.

 

Having said that it's in the past and most likely no one is bearing a grudge against you, you also probably don't have as much control over these feelings right now or in the past so forgive yourself, we don't always behave rationally. We're imperfect.

 

I'm sure you mentioned issues with your family. Do you have parents or siblings with chaotic lives? My sister is undiagnosed but it's terribly impulsive and gets herself into some bad spots, again ADHD is mostly genetic but if you have family with some tendency to behave impulsively or issues with concentration and emotion etc then a few of them probably do too. If they've caused you strife in the past they probably didn't intend to either and that may provide some comfort.

[TheSire]

41 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

Yeah self sabotage. 

 

When I was in my 20s and trying to get a Mrs, I had no concept at all of "the chase", or of playing the long game. I'd tend to ask them out from a distance, say via a text or through a friend, and if they weren't immediately up for it I'd swerve them forever. I'd get this almost volcanic feeling of despair and anger bubbling up, I'd delete their numbers, Facebook, even those of their friends. But conversely, the feeling was also sort of empowering, like a drug. I felt like Caesar at a victory parade, but I don't know what the victory was. 

 

A good example was a bird I worked with. I'd asked a female colleague to sound her out about whether she was single. She said yes but wasn't looking for anything. I waited until she left to go to another job, text her asking her out, she said yes but said "just so you know, I'm not looking for anything like that at the moment". So I said we'd leave it. She said well let me know if you ever fancy a drink. 

 

I deleted her number and a week later got a "hey how are you?", I'm like "who's this?" and she's like "it's Nikki, a few of us are going out at the weekend do you fancy it?" And I was like "no." And that was that.

 

I spent that weekend in bed watching The Wire, and was quite happy with that.

 

My 20s were filled with that kind of shit, rinse and repeat.

I think the victory was probably just a sense of safety and control, understandable.

[TheSire]

26 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

I got obsessed with chasing women in my 20s. Wrecked 2 loving relationships just for the transient thrill of a new pair of tits. Grew out of it finally but it was a curse. 

Curse of the Tits

[Section_31]

1 minute ago, TheSire said:

Yep, just non existent emotional regulation. That inability to pause, back off and then rationally think through just isn't there and as a result your emotions are just way too strong for the actual situation but you can't help this aspect without some help. It leads to kneejerk reacting and the stronger those negative feelings the more dramatic and potentially damaging the reaction is.

 

I've done this in the past, my thing was usually to push people away or shut them off if I thought I could get hurt and later you regret it a bit. Those feelings fade and you wish you could have left things more amicable.

 

Having said that it's in the past and most likely no one is bearing a grudge against you, you also probably don't have as much control over these feelings right now or in the past so forgive yourself, we don't always behave rationally. We're imperfect.

 

I'm sure you mentioned issues with your family. Do you have parents or siblings with chaotic lives? My sister is undiagnosed but it's terribly impulsive and gets herself into some bad spots, again ADHD is mostly genetic but if you have family with some tendency to behave impulsively or issues with concentration and emotion etc then a few of them probably do too. If they've caused you strife in the past they probably didn't intend to either and that may provide some comfort.

 

Yeah i think most of my family have pretty chaotic lives. My sister is disguised autism and adhd, my cousin too. I think a few of the older relatives probably have it but it wasn't diagnosed back then. 

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Champ said:

But seriously, are the traits that TheSire’s describing resonating with your own experiences

A bit yeah. Denial being the first bit and not wanting to talk about it. Took me a while but doing it literally lifted the biggest weight id been carrying. Me and you spoke at the time and I was gone completely a mess. But I kept talking about it and recovered. I’m still mentally fighting all the time but I can deal with it now x 

[Captain Howdy]

Have to say I can’t relate to virtually anything on this thread, some strange angles. This is not a criticism by the way rather it just serves to illustrate how we are all so different.

[TheSire]

16 minutes ago, Captain Howdy said:

Have to say I can’t relate to virtually anything on this thread, some strange angles. This is not a criticism by the way rather it just serves to illustrate how we are all so different.

Ban?

[Captain Howdy]

Just now, TheSire said:

Ban?

Ban what?

[Babb'sBurstNad]

8 hours ago, Section_31 said:

I'm also certain I've got an aspect of adhd called rejection sensitivity dysphoria. When i read the symptoms it sounded exactly like me. Sensitive to all forms of rejection or perceived rejection, constantly looking for evidence of it, and it causes instant physical pain/anger.

 

That's the one that tipped me over into trying to get diagnosed. I know I've probably acted a right twat at times due to this.

 

I just figured everyone felt the same, that physical pain, and I was bad at dealing with things.

[3 Stacks]

I got Zoloft prescribed a month ago for my health anxiety and haven't started taking it yet because I'm scared of side effects. My brain is absolutely dusted.

[TheSire]

18 minutes ago, 3 Stacks said:

I got Zoloft prescribed a month ago for my health anxiety and haven't started taking it yet because I'm scared of side effects. My brain is absolutely dusted.

If you stick them up your bum you'll avoid side effects. I read it on the Internet.

[Harry's Lad]

17 minutes ago, 3 Stacks said:

I got Zoloft prescribed a month ago for my health anxiety and haven't started taking it yet because I'm scared of side effects. My brain is absolutely dusted.

My Mum is exactly the same.

Whenever she's prescribed a new medication she scrutinises the leaflet that comes with it then either refuses to take it or worries about it if she does.

 

She's always been that way. She's almost 82 now and on a lot of meds for varying conditions, some of them chronic so they're essential.

Doesn't stop her anxiety though.

[Charles Penrose]

Been a couple of years since I've been on here but going through some shite at the minute and don't feel particularly great.

 

Me and the girlfriend are in the final stages of separation after fifteen or so years together. We have two great kids who are ten and seven. I wouldn't change either of them and will thankfully have 50/50 custody. They will essentially become my entire life. 

 

She has been chronically ill for the past 6-7 years now and is medically retired after quite a long battle. She has endured such a lot but I can't say it hasn't had a knock on impact on me either. It's certainly made me even more prone to catastrophizing, as it was just another thing in a long list of things which have affected those close to me. Over the last few years I've become progressively more anxious and even small things seem like a big deal. She has herself had CBT and found it a help but I am cynical to my core and am so entrenched I can't see anything changing from talking to anyone. 

 

The reality for me is that I genuinely don't see a happy future for myself and probably never have. I've always been generally low mood with sporadic highs which by the end became annoying to her. I've taken secret days holiday sat by the side of the road in my car not wanting to go home so at least that won't be a factor anymore. 

 

I couldn't bring myself to hurt my children by hurting myself but I do think there is a very strong possibility I'll see my kids into adulthood before nipping off to the self checkout after retiring in just over a decade. My goal seems to banking enough money to give them a leg up and nothing else. It does feel a bit like being trapped in life these days and I guess with her illness she will have had similar too. It's always been in the back of my head that any pension pot I get will be for them as I can't see a world in which I'll actually get to spend any of it. 

 

My future is probably the taking on of looking after my younger brother (who has a learning disability and cannot look after himself) when my Dad is unable to or passes away.  I do have other siblings but assume it will fall to me given my circumstances. This makes me hesitant to even consider meeting anyone else and I have probably too many quirks to inflict on a new partner anyway. It is apparent to me over the past few days that she has met someone (she is entitled to as we are separated even whilst living under the same roof pending house equity transfer) but it still really hurts. She used to love me a lot and everything about me she valued I have stripped away. 

 

As an aside, the rise of awareness for ADHD as evidenced in this thread only makes me more certain I have it, as I am sure does my own Dad and potentially one of my sons. Reading that list a few pages back is like my synopsis. How I wish I could just give the medication a bash without the bullshit diagnosis roller coaster. Send me your spares. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Creator Supreme]

13 minutes ago, Charles Penrose said:

catastrophizing

My favourite pastime.

 

Hope you come out the end of this OK mate, it's a shit time for you, but concentrating on the kids and your own health will help.

 

And remember us wankers (and Cath) are always here if you fancy a rant.

 

Stay safe mate.

[YorkshireRed]

22 minutes ago, Charles Penrose said:

Been a couple of years since I've been on here but going through some shite at the minute and don't feel particularly great.

 

Me and the girlfriend are in the final stages of separation after fifteen or so years together. We have two great kids who are ten and seven. I wouldn't change either of them and will thankfully have 50/50 custody. They will essentially become my entire life. 

 

She has been chronically ill for the past 6-7 years now and is medically retired after quite a long battle. She has endured such a lot but I can't say it hasn't had a knock on impact on me either. It's certainly made me even more prone to catastrophizing, as it was just another thing in a long list of things which have affected those close to me. Over the last few years I've become progressively more anxious and even small things seem like a big deal. She has herself had CBT and found it a help but I am cynical to my core and am so entrenched I can't see anything changing from talking to anyone. 

 

The reality for me is that I genuinely don't see a happy future for myself and probably never have. I've always been generally low mood with sporadic highs which by the end became annoying to her. I've taken secret days holiday sat by the side of the road in my car not wanting to go home so at least that won't be a factor anymore. 

 

I couldn't bring myself to hurt my children by hurting myself but I do think there is a very strong possibility I'll see my kids into adulthood before nipping off to the self checkout after retiring in just over a decade. My goal seems to banking enough money to give them a leg up and nothing else. It does feel a bit like being trapped in life these days and I guess with her illness she will have had similar too. It's always been in the back of my head that any pension pot I get will be for them as I can't see a world in which I'll actually get to spend any of it. 

 

My future is probably the taking on of looking after my younger brother (who has a learning disability and cannot look after himself) when my Dad is unable to or passes away.  I do have other siblings but assume it will fall to me given my circumstances. This makes me hesitant to even consider meeting anyone else and I have probably too many quirks to inflict on a new partner anyway. It is apparent to me over the past few days that she has met someone (she is entitled to as we are separated even whilst living under the same roof pending house equity transfer) but it still really hurts. She used to love me a lot and everything about me she valued I have stripped away. 

 

As an aside, the rise of awareness for ADHD as evidenced in this thread only makes me more certain I have it, as I am sure does my own Dad and potentially one of my sons. Reading that list a few pages back is like my synopsis. How I wish I could just give the medication a bash without the bullshit diagnosis roller coaster. Send me your spares. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That all sounds very difficult. You’re obviously barely surviving, let alone thriving. 
 

If you can step outside of that self described cynicism then take any help you can get. Perhaps some of it won’t help, but something might. I know it’s easier said than done, but you won’t know until you try. 
 

Keep focusing on what is providing you with purpose, that’s what will keep you moving forward.
 

Hopefully better days will come, but until then I’m glad you feel you can check in here, rather than checking out anywhere else. For what it’s worth, we do care. 
 

YNWA. 

[Captain Willard]

12 hours ago, Charles Penrose said:

Been a couple of years since I've been on here but going through some shite at the minute and don't feel particularly great.

 

Me and the girlfriend are in the final stages of separation after fifteen or so years together. We have two great kids who are ten and seven. I wouldn't change either of them and will thankfully have 50/50 custody. They will essentially become my entire life. 

 

She has been chronically ill for the past 6-7 years now and is medically retired after quite a long battle. She has endured such a lot but I can't say it hasn't had a knock on impact on me either. It's certainly made me even more prone to catastrophizing, as it was just another thing in a long list of things which have affected those close to me. Over the last few years I've become progressively more anxious and even small things seem like a big deal. She has herself had CBT and found it a help but I am cynical to my core and am so entrenched I can't see anything changing from talking to anyone. 

 

The reality for me is that I genuinely don't see a happy future for myself and probably never have. I've always been generally low mood with sporadic highs which by the end became annoying to her. I've taken secret days holiday sat by the side of the road in my car not wanting to go home so at least that won't be a factor anymore. 

 

I couldn't bring myself to hurt my children by hurting myself but I do think there is a very strong possibility I'll see my kids into adulthood before nipping off to the self checkout after retiring in just over a decade. My goal seems to banking enough money to give them a leg up and nothing else. It does feel a bit like being trapped in life these days and I guess with her illness she will have had similar too. It's always been in the back of my head that any pension pot I get will be for them as I can't see a world in which I'll actually get to spend any of it. 

 

My future is probably the taking on of looking after my younger brother (who has a learning disability and cannot look after himself) when my Dad is unable to or passes away.  I do have other siblings but assume it will fall to me given my circumstances. This makes me hesitant to even consider meeting anyone else and I have probably too many quirks to inflict on a new partner anyway. It is apparent to me over the past few days that she has met someone (she is entitled to as we are separated even whilst living under the same roof pending house equity transfer) but it still really hurts. She used to love me a lot and everything about me she valued I have stripped away. 

 

As an aside, the rise of awareness for ADHD as evidenced in this thread only makes me more certain I have it, as I am sure does my own Dad and potentially one of my sons. Reading that list a few pages back is like my synopsis. How I wish I could just give the medication a bash without the bullshit diagnosis roller coaster. Send me your spares. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keep going. Divorce is really hard especially when she meets someone else but you will get through this. Don’t focus on the distant future, just get through the next 3 months. That’s how I coped. Stay strong. 

[Aventus]

On 28/04/2024 at 19:42, 3 Stacks said:

I got Zoloft prescribed a month ago for my health anxiety and haven't started taking it yet because I'm scared of side effects. My brain is absolutely dusted.

Just need to decide if your mental health is more important than the potential side effects.

 

Some of which can be permanent, like Anhedonia, or various sexual dysfunctions. 

 

 

[elvis]

On 26/04/2024 at 21:47, Captain Howdy said:

Never understood the concept of therapy, not knocking it like but nobody knows your own mind like yourself and you’re only ever going to reveal what you feel comfortable or choose to reveal. Nobody can tell you why you think or feel a certain way, it’s way too complex, your mind is like a black hole. To each their own though . I’ve never suffered from depression but I did suffer excruciating anxiety many years ago, prescribed beta blockers and life was totally transformed within 24 hours. I’m cleithraphobic and I tried CBT and even hypnotism, complete and utter waste of time and money.

How long did you stay on the beta blockers ? I was prescribed propanol a few years ago  seem to remember them helping a bit. I'm going through an impending divorce/separation that's been brewing for years , and the thought of having to sell the house and go it alone is filling me with dread.

[Captain Howdy]

7 hours ago, elvis said:

How long did you stay on the beta blockers ? I was prescribed propanol a few years ago  seem to remember them helping a bit. I'm going through an impending divorce/separation that's been brewing for years , and the thought of having to sell the house and go it alone is filling me with dread.

Still on them mate 

[Bjornebye]

7 hours ago, elvis said:

How long did you stay on the beta blockers ? I was prescribed propanol a few years ago  seem to remember them helping a bit. I'm going through an impending divorce/separation that's been brewing for years , and the thought of having to sell the house and go it alone is filling me with dread.

The only thing you can do pal is embrace it. Go into it with an open mind. Anything can happen now and there is nothing to say it won’t be amazing. Wishing you all the best