Turd report - your first shit of the day

[Sugar Ape]

I've got a massive one brewing, it's not there yet though and I've got a 3 hour meeting in half an hour. I know I'm going to need it right in the middle of the meeting.

[Bjornebye]

I never used to have a shit rota but now it seems everyday when I get in from work I need to throne it and drop brown gods off. Age.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

As soon as I so much as sniff my morning coffee at my desk, its off to the traps to lose a few pounds.

[Section_31]

My arsehole is virtually disintegrating lately after a lifetime of shitting. Been pounding the Anusol lately, feel like I've been locked in a gulag with Purps for three years. 

[Trumo]

My arsehole is virtually disintegrating lately after a lifetime of shitting. Been pounding the Anusol lately, feel like I've been locked in a gulag with Purps for three years. 

 

 

Next time, you should try removing the cap and applying the cream within to your stinging ringpiece instead.

[JagSquared]

What's the norm for trips in a day? I'm up to 3. Is that a healthy amount?

 

- First thing when I wake up.

- Normally a second after I've been up for about an hour

- then back again after I come home from work.

 

Seems too many.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

What's the norm for trips in a day? I'm up to 3. Is that a healthy amount?

 

- First thing when I wake up.

- Normally a second after I've been up for about an hour

- then back again after I come home from work.

 

Seems too many.

 

 

My mate told me he took 6 shits a day and was surprised to hear I was a 1-3 a day kinda guy.

[Section_31]

What's the norm for trips in a day? I'm up to 3. Is that a healthy amount?

 

- First thing when I wake up.

- Normally a second after I've been up for about an hour

- then back again after I come home from work.

 

Seems too many.

I'm 1-3.

 

Your bowel seems to get into habits. If I resist the urge to go during working hours I won't need to do it for a while, but when I do I'll need to do the same again the next day.

 

You've got to show it who's boss.

[JagSquared]

Nice one guys. 1-3 seems to be the consensus so I'm happy. Guess that makes us all turd buddies!

 

 

 

...Wait that doesn't sound quite right.

[Dr Nowt]

Got out of the shower this morning, went to break wind, and out came the first poo of the day. Not good.

 

Fortunately I was unencumbered by a dressing gown or towel at the time, so the only things that needed cleaning were myself and a solitary tile on the bathroom floor.

 

The biggest problem now is that every time I fart I have to do it on the bog just in case. And being veggie I probably fart more than the average.

 

Also, I don't remember eating nuts yesterday...?

This made me crack up.

 

Fantastic.

[RedKnight]

Still a one a day man. Just had my visit for the day, firm but soft enough to slip out like a small boat being launched.

[Section_31]

I never seem to follow through, my sphincter is so tough that if Elton John did ever try it on, he'd instead find himself singing to Nikita who'd be stood on top of it smirking at him.

 

My Mrs's mate went on a curry date with some bloke and she shit the bed the next morning, they're still together too. Although he is a pisshead and she voted UKIP.

[ZonkoVille77]

Haven't drank this weekend so my shits were normal today. Weird feeling. They usually shoot out like a cum load from an LA hookers hoop.

[Bjornebye]

Brewing todays. I was ready when I got in but got sidetracked so just letting it wait until I get half an hour.

[Dr Nowt]

It's coming out as I type. Holy fuck I feel like I've just passed a torso.

[Section_31]

Bit sloppy today. Quick and painless, like a hitman's bullets. 

[Dr Nowt]

I was sat in there for so long my legs were completely dead when I tried to stand.

 

Thought I was going to have to try and drag myself out along the floor by my arms, like Bob Morton.

[Alan Sex]

[AngryOfTuebrook]

All 3 of my poos today have been appalling in every way.

 

Tonight I intend to drink heavily. This isn't going to get any better.

[Bjornebye]

Ive been squirting hot sauce out my arse since about the 20th.

[Kloppite]

Talking about your bae, I am sure she will love you for it!

[Bjornebye]

Talking about your bae, I am sure she will love you for it!

Bae? I hope you die

[Kloppite]

Bae? I hope you die

Bae is Dutch for turn!

[Anubis]

I haven't pood today.

[Mook]

Bae is Dutch for turn!

 

Don't bae around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore.