Instant cunt identifiers

[Captain Turdseye]

4 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

@Captain Turdseye, one for you pal.

I’m not the Shants Guy, you cheeky bastard. 
 

If I was in Kurtz position I’d have stretched my legs under the table and rested my feet on the seats opposite, digging into his midriff. 

[Chris]

Has this been done before?

 

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

 

 

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Riding along no-hands on a bicycle

[Pidge]

I think you misplaced the 'Cool guy identifiers' thread.

[Clem H Fandango]

Mirrored sunglasses

[cloggypop]

6 hours ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Riding along no-hands on a bicycle

Some bloke cycled past the pub yesterday no handed wearing denim dungarees, no shirt underneath, floppy straw hat, no shoes, whilst playing a half size acoustic guitar badly. Twat of the year so far for me.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

2 hours ago, cloggypop said:

Some bloke cycled past the pub yesterday no handed wearing denim dungarees, no shirt underneath, floppy straw hat, no shoes, whilst playing a half size acoustic guitar badly. Twat of the year so far for me.

Fuck me bandy. Definitely in training for the Cunt Olympics.

[littletedwest]

There is a guy near me who works in a pub kitchen who dresses as Mrs Brown from Mrs Brown's boys occasionally for charity and serves food dressed that way

 

First off who the fuck thinks that's funny and secondly who would travel to a pub to see that

[Ezekiel 25:17]

You can stick going to see Coldplay right on the list now, I liked the first couple of albums a lot, not a lot after that but the new furore to see them because they turn the lights on and off a few times and do some fucking party poppers is nauseating, it's about the fucking pyrotechnics more than the music now, scousers have an incredible knack of latching onto these things. 

 

I went to see the Eagles in June, Don Henley walked out and said 'we've brought some guitars, our voices and not a lot else' they were absolutely unreal from start to finish.

[manwiththestick]

59 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

You can stick going to see Coldplay right on the list now, I liked the first couple of albums a lot, not a lot after that but the new furore to see them because they turn the lights on and off a few times and do some fucking party poppers is nauseating, it's about the fucking pyrotechnics more than the music now, scousers have an incredible knack of latching onto these things. 

 

I went to see the Eagles in June, Don Henley walked out and said 'we've brought some guitars, our voices and not a lot else' they were absolutely unreal from start to finish.

Absolutely. My sister went all the way down to Wembley last week, paid a small fortune in tickets, hotel for the night to sit so far away your watching little tiny people on stage or staring at the big screen, saying that most are probably watching it through their phones anyway.

 

Concert cunts.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

People who put read receipts on their emails, get fucked I am specifically not letting you know now because you have asked.

[Stouffer]

3 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

People who put read receipts on their emails, get fucked I am specifically not letting you know now because you have asked.

The epitome of an ICI

[lifetime fan]

2 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

People who put read receipts on their emails, get fucked I am specifically not letting you know now because you have asked.

Always fucking corporate brown noses that do that. 

[Babb'sBurstNad]

People who drive over a zebra crossing just as you start walking on it.

[KMD7]

On 23/08/2022 at 12:34, Section_31 said:

You should have ordered a brandy, poured it on his feet and threw a match on the motherfucker.

 

[Section_31]

Wearing a dickie bow to a wedding.

[manwiththestick]

I went to a cousins wedding and there was this lad about 30, friend of the groom turned up wearing brown slip on shoes, no socks, drainpipe blue trousers and suit combo with a white shirt and brown dickie bow and to cap off the shitness he had a walking cane. 

 

It was checked, there was no medical reason for the cane, even his mates were ripping him to bits, by the end of the evening when everyone had a few beers he was getting grief from all angles.

[ZonkoVille77]

37 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

I went to a cousins wedding and there was this lad about 30, friend of the groom turned up wearing brown slip on shoes, no socks, drainpipe blue trousers and suit combo with a white shirt and brown dickie bow and to cap off the shitness he had a walking cane. 

 

It was checked, there was no medical reason for the cane, even his mates were ripping him to bits, by the end of the evening when everyone had a few beers he was getting grief from all angles.

 

I was at Haydock Park races on Saturday and the amount of bellends dressed similarly blew my mind. Some absolute creatures dressed like the worse boy band excesses.

[Tony Moanero]

Speaking with a Transatlantic accent.

[easytoslip]

3 hours ago, manwiththestick said:

I went to a cousins wedding and there was this lad about 30, friend of the groom turned up wearing brown slip on shoes, no socks, drainpipe blue trousers and suit combo with a white shirt and brown dickie bow and to cap off the shitness he had a walking cane. 

 

It was checked, there was no medical reason for the cane, even his mates were ripping him to bits, by the end of the evening when everyone had a few beers he was getting grief from all angles.

Christ, did homicide spring to mind? Or any form of torture like thumb screws? 

[manwiththestick]

6 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

Christ, did homicide spring to mind? Or any form of torture like thumb screws? 

As I said he was getting shit all day like when he was walking about his mates were asking if he needed help and asking other people to look out as he's coming through.

 

The best I seen was he was about to get up from the table to go the bar and one of my uncles jumps up and says something like "whoa there, sit yourself down Boyz2Men, I'll get these, you give that leg a rest"

 

Early 90's pop group reference there.

[Section_31]

Anyone whom, when you talk about Genesis, tells you they prefer Peter Gabriel to Phil Collins. Holding that opinion doesn't necessarily make them a cunt, but insisting on telling you does.

[Shitty Arse]

Anyone who drives a pick up truck. 

[Mudface]

6 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Anyone whom, when you talk about Genesis, tells you they prefer Peter Gabriel to Phil Collins. Holding that opinion doesn't necessarily make them a cunt, but insisting on telling you does.

It makes them correct, but yeah, it's so blatantly obvious it doesn't need to be said.