Family Strife

[VladimirIlyich]

6 hours ago, General Dryness said:

That would explain why female cheetahs are always lezzing off with each other.

And why you never see them playing 11 a side. They can't get the numbers.

[alles ist gut]

36 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

And why you never see them playing 11 a side. They can't get the numbers.

Proof:

 

[tokyojoe]

Turns out bint and wanker didn't buy a boat after all, they were 'thinking about it'. They all had a lunchtime get together yesterday which I'd swerved. As usual they didn't pay for anything so even more glad I didn't go as I'd have got hammered for the fucking lot.

 

I've been toying with the idea of getting a boat for some years now. We live near a river so I always get those gentle reminders every time I go out for a walk. Think I might accelerate that decision now just to really piss them off.

[Anubis]

Tokyo going round to Bint and Wanker's gaff to show them his new boat...

 

 

[tokyojoe]

5 hours ago, Anubis said:

Tokyo going round to Bint and Wanker's gaff to show them his new boat...

 

 

Brilliant. I was chatting to Her Indoors and we both said they would be just like that couple!

 

You do realise we're considerably wealthier than you etc. Where the fuck the money they do spend comes from I've no idea. Can only guess. Anyway his business 'clients' have threatened to batter him. Top class clientele. Bint is so dim she tells the world about it.

[Section_31]

Strange behaviour from my mum this week. 

 

Took her for lunch on Monday and she asked could I drop her in town, seemed adamant about me not coming with her. Couple of hours later she rings and says she's got no money and the 'bank is closed' so could I pick her up. I said I was in work and couldn't, so asked why she couldn't use a cash machine? She said the main one is broke sometimes. I said use another so she said okay. Phoned her later and she said she'd got money out and was on the bus home.

 

Earlier today she rings me from town again and says she's 'lost her money' and could I bring her some. I said I was in Chester but transferred some to her from our joint account (Mrs was with me at the time and insisted, even though I was suspicious).

 

On the way home I phoned her and asked did she need picking up, she said she was home but was going back into town (at ten past four) as she'd 'forgot some shopping'. I said I could get it of pick her up and take her and it was clear she didn't want me to 'bus will be here soon'.

 

Wealth of possibilities ranging from spending it all on fruit machines, wanting attention from me or my sister pilfering her money. Whatever it is, she will never tell me the truth. She will probably 'lose her money' again on Friday.

[Harry Squatter]

9 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Strange behaviour from my mum this week. 

 

Took her for lunch on Monday and she asked could I drop her in town, seemed adamant about me not coming with her. Couple of hours later she rings and says she's got no money and the 'bank is closed' so could I pick her up. I said I was in work and couldn't, so asked why she couldn't use a cash machine? She said the main one is broke sometimes. I said use another so she said okay. Phoned her later and she said she'd got money out and was on the bus home.

 

Earlier today she rings me from town again and says she's 'lost her money' and could I bring her some. I said I was in Chester but transferred some to her from our joint account (Mrs was with me at the time and insisted, even though I was suspicious).

 

On the way home I phoned her and asked did she need picking up, she said she was home but was going back into town (at ten past four) as she'd 'forgot some shopping'. I said I could get it of pick her up and take her and it was clear she didn't want me to 'bus will be here soon'.

 

Wealth of possibilities ranging from spending it all on fruit machines, wanting attention from me or my sister pilfering her money. Whatever it is, she will never tell me the truth. She will probably 'lose her money' again on Friday.

The bank is closed. Does your Mum live in 1981?

[Section_31]

3 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

The bank is closed. Does your Mum live in 1981?

I actually said to my Mrs 'who is she, Jesse James?'. I thought that was quite Chris Witty.

[Harry Squatter]

1 minute ago, Section_31 said:

I actually said to my Mrs 'who is she, Jesse James?'. I thought that was quite Chris Witty.

Sounds like my Ma. 

 

She bought a dress to wear at my wedding and told me she bought it from a shop in Crosby but went down every week from Litherland to pay it off £3 a week. Like she probably did in 1979.

[littletedwest]

Probably more for world of a woman but while we are on about mums. My sister took my nephew who's 18 months for his hair cut. She then sends my mum a pic on WhatsAp then rings let her know. 

My mums shit with technology so opens a picture of him already on her phone from when he was bald and rings my sister back upset saying he looks like kojak. He hasn't been bald for 12 months but somehow she didn't notice 

[Evelyn Tentions]

On 06/08/2021 at 12:44, VladimirIlyich said:

I think this is just a reflection of the animal kingdom in general. The way female big cats make lions,tigers,cheetahs or leopards make their male potential mates work is way too much bother a lot of the time. And they will only mate to inherit the protection of that suitor for their cubs. Apparently male Cheetahs penises are barbed so its very painful for a female Cheetah to mate with a male,which may explain the hard work involved in the first place.

All cats have barbed penises

[JagSquared]

44 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

All cats have barbed penises

Reported.

[VladimirIlyich]

53 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

All cats have barbed penises

Speak for yourself,brother.

[Paulie Dangerously]

OK got a genuine gripe to put in here. As mentioned on the world of woman thread, MrsD's brother left his wife and moved up here a month and a half ago. He's got a job, a flat and is nearly 50. I'm going to preface this with the fact he was born with very mild brain damage, and although he wouldn't be first pick on the pub quiz team, he's a generally functioning member of society. 

 

The whole situation is starting to get on my tits now. He can't do anything. I've had to install his washing machine, put up a curtain rail and Mrs D and his mum have arranged everything for him. His stuff was all moved when he was in work and I lugged the rest of the bags with minimal assistance from him. He went from livng with mum, to living with dad, to living with cuntwife so don't think he's ever actually had to fend for himself. He's at ours for tea multiple times a week; he's a unit and is eating and drinking us out of house and home. Ive stopped having beers in because half of them end up in him. He keeps mentioning the takeaway he bought for us last month as a thank you for everything we've done . 

 

He's now got profiles on our netflix, disney and deezer accounts and hasn't offered a penny towards them (principle, not price the issue here) he watches on a 42" telly we've given him, instead of having it in our bedroom which was the plan, but is constantly moaning he can't get the sound on his bluray player to work through it. 

 

I've told MrsD that when we're back in work in September it needs to stop because I can't be having him round when I'm trying to work of an evening. He needs to start building a life for himself, I've sent him links to various social clubs  spurs related things (he's a Tottenham fan) and encouraged him to get to know his new work colleagues. Its only been a month since he's been up so I'm probably being really harsh but my whole summer holidays has been spent sorting his life out and I'm approaching the end of my tether. 

 

He's family though whaddayagonnado?

 

End rant. 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

28 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

OK got a genuine gripe to put in here. As mentioned on the world of woman thread, MrsD's brother left his wife and moved up here a month and a half ago. He's got a job, a flat and is nearly 50. I'm going to preface this with the fact he was born with very mild brain damage, and although he wouldn't be first pick on the pub quiz team, he's a generally functioning member of society. 

 

The whole situation is starting to get on my tits now. He can't do anything. I've had to install his washing machine, put up a curtain rail and Mrs D and his mum have arranged everything for him. His stuff was all moved when he was in work and I lugged the rest of the bags with minimal assistance from him. He went from livng with mum, to living with dad, to living with cuntwife so don't think he's ever actually had to fend for himself. He's at ours for tea multiple times a week; he's a unit and is eating and drinking us out of house and home. Ive stopped having beers in because half of them end up in him. He keeps mentioning the takeaway he bought for us last month as a thank you for everything we've done . 

 

He's now got profiles on our netflix, disney and deezer accounts and hasn't offered a penny towards them (principle, not price the issue here) he watches on a 42" telly we've given him, instead of having it in our bedroom which was the plan, but is constantly moaning he can't get the sound on his bluray player to work through it. 

 

I've told MrsD that when we're back in work in September it needs to stop because I can't be having him round when I'm trying to work of an evening. He needs to start building a life for himself, I've sent him links to various social clubs  spurs related things (he's a Tottenham fan) and encouraged him to get to know his new work colleagues. Its only been a month since he's been up so I'm probably being really harsh but my whole summer holidays has been spent sorting his life out and I'm approaching the end of my tether. 

 

He's family though whaddayagonnado?

 

End rant. 

 

He has a flat so that's where he should be spending most of his time,no?

[Paulie Dangerously]

49 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

He has a flat so that's where he should be spending most of his time,no?

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

[VladimirIlyich]

1 minute ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Just get your missus to redesign it and he probably wont even be able to get out of his front door. That'll teach him.

[Paulie Dangerously]

20 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Just get your missus to redesign it and he probably wont even be able to get out of his front door. That'll teach him.

He's here now and hadn't had any breakfast. I'm in the garden pretending to weed 

[Captain Turdseye]

*Puts on Tony Moanero hat*
 

 

What takeaway did he buy you? And what did you have?

[General Dryness]

2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

OK got a genuine gripe to put in here. As mentioned on the world of woman thread, MrsD's brother left his wife and moved up here a month and a half ago. He's got a job, a flat and is nearly 50. I'm going to preface this with the fact he was born with very mild brain damage, and although he wouldn't be first pick on the pub quiz team, he's a generally functioning member of society. 

 

The whole situation is starting to get on my tits now. He can't do anything. I've had to install his washing machine, put up a curtain rail and Mrs D and his mum have arranged everything for him. His stuff was all moved when he was in work and I lugged the rest of the bags with minimal assistance from him. He went from livng with mum, to living with dad, to living with cuntwife so don't think he's ever actually had to fend for himself. He's at ours for tea multiple times a week; he's a unit and is eating and drinking us out of house and home. Ive stopped having beers in because half of them end up in him. He keeps mentioning the takeaway he bought for us last month as a thank you for everything we've done . 

 

He's now got profiles on our netflix, disney and deezer accounts and hasn't offered a penny towards them (principle, not price the issue here) he watches on a 42" telly we've given him, instead of having it in our bedroom which was the plan, but is constantly moaning he can't get the sound on his bluray player to work through it. 

 

I've told MrsD that when we're back in work in September it needs to stop because I can't be having him round when I'm trying to work of an evening. He needs to start building a life for himself, I've sent him links to various social clubs  spurs related things (he's a Tottenham fan) and encouraged him to get to know his new work colleagues. Its only been a month since he's been up so I'm probably being really harsh but my whole summer holidays has been spent sorting his life out and I'm approaching the end of my tether. 

 

He's family though whaddayagonnado?

 

End rant. 

 

Isn't your missus french? Is he french? Tell him to fuck off back to France.

[Anubis]

Take him on a field trip to ASDA. Show him the ready meal section and bid farewell with the words “run wild and free, my padawan.”

[Evelyn Tentions]

7 hours ago, JagSquared said:

Reported.

 

7 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Speak for yourself,brother.

 Reproductive biology, the barbs

induce ovulation in the female. All males in the cat family have them. Thats why the females yowl when they mate. Google it.

[Mudface]

9 minutes ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

 

 Reproductive biology, the barbs

induce ovulation in the female. All males in the cat family have them. Thats why the females yowl when they mate. Google it.

With hindsight, 'pussies painfully fucked' probably wasn't the best search term to use.

[Bjornebye]

Tough one Paulie. Whats the missus saying about it? Is she agreeing with you are is she all in on carrying on helping him function? If she's siding with you then she needs to talk with him. Failing that, Vlads idea's pretty solid. 

 

Is he on dating sites and stuff? Get him on them pronto. 

[Rico1304]

Just come on to him one night.  He’ll either shit himself and you’ll never see him again or you’ll get a fuck out of it.