Depression

[Bjornebye]

Neville Southall and Clarke Carlisle on talksport talking about depression/suicide here. Opened a lot of old feelings for me and that release when you actually speak to someone about how you are feeling. When I first started feeling it I didn't speak to anyone for ages, I just let it fester. It began the worst 2 years of my life and issues I am still trying to sort out to this day. If only I had faced it head on right away and talked to someone. Anyone feeling down, please talk about it. And those who aren't feeling down, look at your family and mates and make sure they are ok. Talk! 

[Oh Buoy]

 

8 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Neville Southall and Clarke Carlisle on talksport talking about depression/suicide here. Opened a lot of old feelings for me and that release when you actually speak to someone about how you are feeling. When I first started feeling it I didn't speak to anyone for ages, I just let it fester. It began the worst 2 years of my life and issues I am still trying to sort out to this day. If only I had faced it head on right away and talked to someone. Anyone feeling down, please talk about it. And those who aren't feeling down, look at your family and mates and make sure they are ok. Talk! 

I think it's great to hear the message being hammered home but the common question I come across with clients' is, how? Or even who? 

• How can I tell my partner that everything is fucking awful? That I'm not enjoying anything right now?
• How can I bring up suicide or let someone know that I'm not thinking straight? 
• Is it normal to have these thoughts? 
• Who would listen? Who would care? Where do I even start? 

People relate to personal stories/experiences, it's one of the most talked about things within CBT. "I didn't realise this was so common", "I really related to that because I do that - it's really odd to hear it from someone else", "I'm not alone and that's really comforting". 

 

You've mentioned that you let those thoughts/feelings fester. Can you remember what you were thinking or why you didn't reach out? What's the timeline and what are you doing now to get yourself back to your best? 

 

Don't feel like you have to share though mate - I think it'd help those lurking.

[Champ]

Well, here’s a weird one...is there any evidence that severe pain works like ECT to treat depression?

 

I was away with family for a week and had a really nice time and a couple of days after we got back I became aware of the tell tale signs, a drop in my mood, tightening of my throat, pressure behind my eyes, churning thoughts that seemed to be setting in. I had this pretty constantly for about 3 days and then on Wednesday afternoon I had a follow up hospital appointment (not serious) which involved the doctor putting a camera on a wire up my nose. I got no preparation but I will tell you I reckon it was the most acute pain I have ever felt. I actually ended up screaming at her to stop. The appointment finished pretty much ended there and I left the room reeling from what had happened but, do you know, from that point all those feelings I’d been getting just vanished and a week on haven’t returned.

 

Just coincidence or is this a drastic remedy?

 

Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

[Bjornebye]

52 minutes ago, Seasons said:

 

I think it's great to hear the message being hammered home but the common question I come across with clients' is, how? Or even who? 

• How can I tell my partner that everything is fucking awful? That I'm not enjoying anything right now?
• How can I bring up suicide or let someone know that I'm not thinking straight? 
• Is it normal to have these thoughts? 
• Who would listen? Who would care? Where do I even start? 

People relate to personal stories/experiences, it's one of the most talked about things within CBT. "I didn't realise this was so common", "I really related to that because I do that - it's really odd to hear it from someone else", "I'm not alone and that's really comforting". 

 

You've mentioned that you let those thoughts/feelings fester. Can you remember what you were thinking or why you didn't reach out? What's the timeline and what are you doing now to get yourself back to your best? 

 

Don't feel like you have to share though mate - I think it'd help those lurking.

Firstly mate I had never really believed in depression before. I always thought I (and everyone else) had complete control of their state of mind. When I first started to feel down I was actually living a great life. probably the most comfortable i'd been. Had a good job, a lovely missus, a dog, a house.... On the outside I was very happy. I couldn't pinpoint a moment when I started feeling shit, it just kind of happened and I noticed it (well my ex noticed a change in me). I didn't believe it and certainly didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't tell you that I was thinking either. To be honest I think I had just stopped thinking. Stopped appreciating the good things around me and taking it all for granted. 

 

I was still denying it but she made me go to the doctors. I sat in the waiting room thinking this was pointless but when the doctor came out and called me in, I was in tears before I even got to her room. Like uncontrollable sobbing, i'd not cried like that since I was a young kid. She asked me to just talk to her and I was sat there with a complete stranger talking about things from childhood and things that are getting me down. She signed me off work straight away. I left there and felt like I had lifted the worlds biggest weight off my shoulders, then I started on the antidepressants which I've mentioned on here before and they just sent my head west. most nights id be sat on the floor in my bedroom drinking and listening to Jeff Buckley. I had serious suicidal thoughts and had 1 serious incident that ended up with me in hospital and nearly getting sectioned. Hindsight is a great thing but if I could go back to one moment in my life it would be them sleepless nights living in my own home 3 years ago and I would act upon it. 

 

As for now I've had such an up and down 2 and a half years since it all happened. Ive been in and out of work, had a bad drink problem which I have managed to curtail and mentally despite not being 100% I feel a hell of a lot better. No suicidal thoughts and I am just trying to rebuild, its taking longer than I want but so be it. I do not envy anyone suffering that illness, it consumes you and there is fuck all you can do about it other than talk to people. Drinking to forget is NOT the thing to do even though it seems at the time to be the easiest remedy. 

 

As for 'How can I tell my partner?'.... Thats the hard part mate. Admitting it. If thats how you are feeling then book an appointment with your doctor. Your partner does't have to know, maybe you just need someone to talk too. The doctors know what to say/ask and they will diagnose how bad it is. Then if it is bad, you tell your partner and at least you back it up with a doctors visit and will feel easier talking about it. An example of how good a doctors visit is for this... I am friends on whatsapp with quite a few people off here. Some I have never even met. Before I went to the doctors, no way would I ever open up about my feelings as much as I have since. 

 

Like I said earlier... TALK. 

[Bjornebye]

4 minutes ago, Champ said:

Well, here’s a weird one...is there any evidence that severe pain works like ECT to treat depression?

 

I was away with family for a week and had a really nice time and a couple of days after we got back I became aware of the tell tale signs, a drop in my mood, tightening of my throat, pressure behind my eyes, churning thoughts that seemed to be setting in. I had this pretty constantly for about 3 days and then on Wednesday afternoon I had a follow up hospital appointment (not serious) which involved the doctor putting a camera on a wire up my nose. I got no preparation but I will tell you I reckon it was the most acute pain I have ever felt. I actually ended up screaming at her to stop. The appointment finished pretty much ended there and I left the room reeling from what had happened but, do you know, from that point all those feelings I’d been getting just vanished and a week on haven’t returned.

 

Just coincidence or is this a drastic remedy?

 

Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

I don't know the answer Cath but I am burning a knife on the cooker as we speak! 

[Dr Nowt]

19 minutes ago, Champ said:

Well, here’s a weird one...is there any evidence that severe pain works like ECT to treat depression?

 

I was away with family for a week and had a really nice time and a couple of days after we got back I became aware of the tell tale signs, a drop in my mood, tightening of my throat, pressure behind my eyes, churning thoughts that seemed to be setting in. I had this pretty constantly for about 3 days and then on Wednesday afternoon I had a follow up hospital appointment (not serious) which involved the doctor putting a camera on a wire up my nose. I got no preparation but I will tell you I reckon it was the most acute pain I have ever felt. I actually ended up screaming at her to stop. The appointment finished pretty much ended there and I left the room reeling from what had happened but, do you know, from that point all those feelings I’d been getting just vanished and a week on haven’t returned.

 

Just coincidence or is this a drastic remedy?

 

Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

Hahaha.  I’m not laughing to be a bastard Cath, I have had that very procedure on a number of occasions and genuinely thought about punching one of the people inflicting it on me without any sympathy or patience.  Your description reminded me of that visceral pain reaction and just can’t help but chuckle at it for some reason.

 

I do get what you mean as well.  Whether it’s something to fight against/through resetting your mind for a bit or feeling more alive due to the extreme sensation compared to normal, it does sometimes adjust your perception of stuff for a bit after.

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

Hahaha.  I’m not laughing to be a bastard Cath, I have had that very procedure on a number of occasions and genuinely thought about punching one of the people inflicting it on me without any sympathy and your description of me reminded me of that visceral pain reaction.

 

I do get what you mean as well.  Whether it’s something to fight against or feeling more alive due to the extreme sensation compared to normal, it does sometimes adjust your perception of stuff for a bit after.

Ive read or heard somewhere that adrenaline rushes help. Like a skydive or some shit. Next time I feel down i'm gonna base jump off The Shard. Knowing my luck the parachute won't work and i'll land on a discarded piss stained mattress. 

[M_B]

Here is what I do to help me with my addiction, but I have found it helps me with depression too. If it helps anyone out there then great.

 

1: I take life one day at a time. If I think beyond one day, I get overwhelmed. I'll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

2: Each morning I get up, get clean, put on clean clothes and eat breakfast. Then I get on my knees and I pray to god*. After that I look through my gratitude list, which is a list of things in my life I am grateful for. Then I read at least a page from a book about my addiction. I do that every morning before I go to work.

3: At some point during the day I'll phone one or two fellow sufferers. I find chatting helps enormously especially with someone who can empathise and it helps to avoid any feelings of isolation and loneliness. I'll also chat with my sponsor.

4: If at any point during the day I find myself sucuumbing to fear, anxiety, loneliness or depression then I take action  - phone someone, do some exercise, go to a familiar social place.

5: At night I look back on my day. What caused me to have negative feelings? Why did I react the way I did?

6: Lastly I re-examine and add to my gratitude list.

 

* I don't believe in God. However I have taken to Buddhism which is more a philosphy than a religion. Buddha was not a god, nor did he ever claim to be. He was simply a person who came to understand that life is suffering and how to overcome it. I find the practise of Buddhism very calming to my spirit. When I pray each morning I don't really know who or what I am talking to and all I ask for is help to get through the day. I have no idea really why this works, but oddly for me it does.

 

My daily routine is enormously helpful to me and I notice that when I don't do it then depression returns together with the urge to act out. In addition to the daily routine I get myself to a group twice a week of likeminded folks. That fellowship is just fantastic.

 

Fellow addicts out there will recognise this as the blue card and the 12 step programme. It literally is a life saver. However I guess what I am saying is that it also helps me with depression. For me companionship and a daily discipline get me through the day.

 

Anyway, hope that helps.

 

[Dr Nowt]

6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Ive read or heard somewhere that adrenaline rushes help. Like a skydive or some shit. Next time I feel down i'm gonna base jump off The Shard. Knowing my luck the parachute won't work and i'll land on a discarded piss stained mattress. 

It’s possibly similar to the cold water swimming thing having very nascent investigations done into it currently.

 

The theory it taps into fight or flight and whether exposure to one stressor effectively acclimatises you to others, for various physiological reasons.

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

It’s possibly similar to the cold water swimming thing having very nascent investigations done into it currently.

 

The theory it taps into fight or flight and whether exposure to one stressor effectively acclimatises you to others, for various physiological reasons.

That explains why my sunday morning swims in the solent used to get rid of my hangover. 

[Dr Nowt]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

That explains why my sunday morning swims in the solent used to get rid of my hangover. 

Defo gonna wake you up.

[Champ]

12 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

It’s possibly similar to the cold water swimming thing having very nascent investigations done into it currently.

 

The theory it taps into fight or flight and whether exposure to one stressor effectively acclimatises you to others, for various physiological reasons.

That came into my head as I’ve been trying to process what happened.

Two of my least favourite things in a oner...being cold and swimming.

 

PS If anyone’d have ‘chuckled’ to my face at the time I think I’d have punched them

[Nunavut Patrick]

14 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

That explains why my sunday morning swims in the solent used to get rid of my hangover. 

The adrelaine rush of dodging WightLink vessels whilst your bollocks have receded to half way up your gut for warmth. Cure anything that. 

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Nunavut Patrick said:

The adrelaine rush of dodging WightLink vessels whilst your bollocks have receded to half way up your gut for warmth. Cure anything that. 

Hahaha, try racing the hovercraft 

[Champ]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Firstly mate I had never really believed in depression before. I always thought I (and everyone else) had complete control of their state of mind. When I first started to feel down I was actually living a great life. probably the most comfortable i'd been. Had a good job, a lovely missus, a dog, a house.... On the outside I was very happy. I couldn't pinpoint a moment when I started feeling shit, it just kind of happened and I noticed it (well my ex noticed a change in me). I didn't believe it and certainly didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't tell you that I was thinking either. To be honest I think I had just stopped thinking. Stopped appreciating the good things around me and taking it all for granted. 

 

I was still denying it but she made me go to the doctors. I sat in the waiting room thinking this was pointless but when the doctor came out and called me in, I was in tears before I even got to her room. Like uncontrollable sobbing, i'd not cried like that since I was a young kid. She asked me to just talk to her and I was sat there with a complete stranger talking about things from childhood and things that are getting me down. She signed me off work straight away. I left there and felt like I had lifted the worlds biggest weight off my shoulders, then I started on the antidepressants which I've mentioned on here before and they just sent my head west. most nights id be sat on the floor in my bedroom drinking and listening to Jeff Buckley. I had serious suicidal thoughts and had 1 serious incident that ended up with me in hospital and nearly getting sectioned. Hindsight is a great thing but if I could go back to one moment in my life it would be them sleepless nights living in my own home 3 years ago and I would act upon it. 

 

As for now I've had such an up and down 2 and a half years since it all happened. Ive been in and out of work, had a bad drink problem which I have managed to curtail and mentally despite not being 100% I feel a hell of a lot better. No suicidal thoughts and I am just trying to rebuild, its taking longer than I want but so be it. I do not envy anyone suffering that illness, it consumes you and there is fuck all you can do about it other than talk to people. Drinking to forget is NOT the thing to do even though it seems at the time to be the easiest remedy. 

 

As for 'How can I tell my partner?'.... Thats the hard part mate. Admitting it. If thats how you are feeling then book an appointment with your doctor. Your partner does't have to know, maybe you just need someone to talk too. The doctors know what to say/ask and they will diagnose how bad it is. Then if it is bad, you tell your partner and at least you back it up with a doctors visit and will feel easier talking about it. An example of how good a doctors visit is for this... I am friends on whatsapp with quite a few people off here. Some I have never even met. Before I went to the doctors, no way would I ever open up about my feelings as much as I have since. 

 

Like I said earlier... TALK. 

Can you imagine having been able to share all that 3 years ago?

 

It’s a weird thing. You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy but I think it makes a better person of you

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Champ said:

Can you imagine having been able to share all that 3 years ago?

 

It’s a weird thing. You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy but I think it makes a better person of you

No chance, not even to my mum or dad. 

 

It makes you realise a lot. What impact memories, people and even diet has on your mental state. We aren't made of glass physically but mentally we are nowhere near as strong as we like to think. Not sure about 'a better person' in my case. I was pretty fucking awesome at 25. Im miles away from that lad now. 

[Oh Buoy]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Firstly mate I had never really believed in depression before. I always thought I (and everyone else) had complete control of their state of mind. When I first started to feel down I was actually living a great life. probably the most comfortable i'd been. Had a good job, a lovely missus, a dog, a house.... On the outside I was very happy. I couldn't pinpoint a moment when I started feeling shit, it just kind of happened and I noticed it (well my ex noticed a change in me). I didn't believe it and certainly didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't tell you that I was thinking either. To be honest I think I had just stopped thinking. Stopped appreciating the good things around me and taking it all for granted. 

 

I was still denying it but she made me go to the doctors. I sat in the waiting room thinking this was pointless but when the doctor came out and called me in, I was in tears before I even got to her room. Like uncontrollable sobbing, i'd not cried like that since I was a young kid. She asked me to just talk to her and I was sat there with a complete stranger talking about things from childhood and things that are getting me down. She signed me off work straight away. I left there and felt like I had lifted the worlds biggest weight off my shoulders, then I started on the antidepressants which I've mentioned on here before and they just sent my head west. most nights id be sat on the floor in my bedroom drinking and listening to Jeff Buckley. I had serious suicidal thoughts and had 1 serious incident that ended up with me in hospital and nearly getting sectioned. Hindsight is a great thing but if I could go back to one moment in my life it would be them sleepless nights living in my own home 3 years ago and I would act upon it. 

 

As for now I've had such an up and down 2 and a half years since it all happened. Ive been in and out of work, had a bad drink problem which I have managed to curtail and mentally despite not being 100% I feel a hell of a lot better. No suicidal thoughts and I am just trying to rebuild, its taking longer than I want but so be it. I do not envy anyone suffering that illness, it consumes you and there is fuck all you can do about it other than talk to people. Drinking to forget is NOT the thing to do even though it seems at the time to be the easiest remedy. 

 

As for 'How can I tell my partner?'.... Thats the hard part mate. Admitting it. If thats how you are feeling then book an appointment with your doctor. Your partner does't have to know, maybe you just need someone to talk too. The doctors know what to say/ask and they will diagnose how bad it is. Then if it is bad, you tell your partner and at least you back it up with a doctors visit and will feel easier talking about it. An example of how good a doctors visit is for this... I am friends on whatsapp with quite a few people off here. Some I have never even met. Before I went to the doctors, no way would I ever open up about my feelings as much as I have since. 

 

Like I said earlier... TALK. 

Brilliant response mate - and well done for speaking about it. 

 

I have spoken to a few of you on here regarding seeking help and providing advice where and when I can. My story isn't too dissimilar from the majority on here but it did start at a young age. It involved relocating from Liverpool and moving away from my family. From the age of 9/10, I grew up in an environment where I experienced a lot of physical and emotional abuse from my mothers partner and witnessed a lot of domestic violence as a result. Alcohol was a key factor in these events and often this led to a lot of self-harm, suicide ideation and isolation. There were times where I'd boil the kettle and pour it over myself so I didn't have to attend school, overdose in nearby fields having made false plans to allow me to go 3-4 days unnoticed or purchase bleach and try and mix a solution of water/bleach after a serious amount of research. 

 

I was never hospitalised and my parents are only aware of my self-harm to this date. I was pressured into counselling by my GP at a young age and lied my way through it so I could further isolate myself. I went on antidepressants and I experienced what is described by many as, 'feeling numb'. 

 

It wasn't until one day where I decided that there was another solution and that was attending university. It would mean I could disconnect from my family, friends and current situation and start afresh. I then failed my GCSE's and took another hit of depression but refocused and retook the exams. Ended up at university, graduated with 85% (first-class) and was within the 1% of the highest scores in the university. Since then I've switched careers and decided to use my experience and skill to focus on mental health. I feel I can relate to a lot of clients when it comes to suicide/self harm and I guess that offers them some reassurance. 

 

If I could say three words to my younger self, it'd be, "it gets better". 

 

Talking helps but knowing there's a route out is also as equally important. It's been a fucking journey so far but what we experience makes us who we are. 

[Bjornebye]

7 minutes ago, Seasons said:

Brilliant response mate - and well done for speaking about it. 

 

I have spoken to a few of you on here regarding seeking help and providing advice where and when I can. My story isn't too dissimilar from the majority on here but it did start at a young age. It involved relocating from Liverpool and moving away from my family. From the age of 9/10, I grew up in an environment where I experienced a lot of physical and emotional abuse from my mothers partner and witnessed a lot of domestic violence as a result. Alcohol was a key factor in these events and often this led to a lot of self-harm, suicide ideation and isolation. There were times where I'd boil the kettle and pour it over myself so I didn't have to attend school, overdose in nearby fields having made false plans to allow me to go 3-4 days unnoticed or purchase bleach and try and mix a solution of water/bleach after a serious amount of research. 

 

I was never hospitalised and my parents are only aware of my self-harm to this date. I was pressured into counselling by my GP at a young age and lied my way through it so I could further isolate myself. I went on antidepressants and I experienced what is described by many as, 'feeling numb'. 

 

It wasn't until one day where I decided that there was another solution and that was attending university. It would mean I could disconnect from my family, friends and current situation and start afresh. I then failed my GCSE's and took another hit of depression but refocused and retook the exams. Ended up at university, graduated with 85% (first-class) and was within the 1% of the highest scores in the university. Since then I've switched careers and decided to use my experience and skill to focus on mental health. I feel I can relate to a lot of clients when it comes to suicide/self harm and I guess that offers them some reassurance. 

 

If I could say three words to my younger self, it'd be, "it gets better". 

 

Talking helps but knowing there's a route out is also as equally important. It's been a fucking journey so far but what we experience makes us who we are. 

Jesus christ mate. Sorry you went through all that. Fair play to you for sharing it. Me and a shit load of others on here will always be here if you need to talk. 

[Oh Buoy]

Just now, Bjornebye said:

Jesus christ mate. Sorry you went through all that. Fair play to you for sharing it. Me and a shit load of others on here will always be here if you need to talk. 

In a weird and wonderful way, I can understand why it happened. I think working in both mental health and psychological services has helped me become understanding. It's happened because of a combination of low self-esteem/confidence and someone who has severe trauma and therefore needs to control situations. Add alcoholism to the mix and the environment becomes toxic and dangerous for child development. 

 

I don't think I can ever forgive them both for the circumstances because you should always seek support but equally, if I'd have acted I'd have been removed from their parental responsibility. I think that's probably what's horrible to know - life could have actually been entirely different. 

 

Thanks for the offer mate, I'm perfectly well now. Great partner, brilliant friends and a career helping people in similar situations. It's been a shit childhood and one that's impacted me deeply but just wanted to share it so people can see that you can pull yourself through it - no matter how hard and dark it gets. 

[Section_31]

Daft as it sounds, I love this thread. The GF at its best. 

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Seasons said:

In a weird and wonderful way, I can understand why it happened. I think working in both mental health and psychological services has helped me become understanding. It's happened because of a combination of low self-esteem/confidence and someone who has severe trauma and therefore needs to control situations. Add alcoholism to the mix and the environment becomes toxic and dangerous for child development. 

 

I don't think I can ever forgive them both for the circumstances because you should always seek support but equally, if I'd have acted I'd have been removed from their parental responsibility. I think that's probably what's horrible to know - life could have actually been entirely different. 

 

Thanks for the offer mate, I'm perfectly well now. Great partner, brilliant friends and a career helping people in similar situations. It's been a shit childhood and one that's impacted me deeply but just wanted to share it so people can see that you can pull yourself through it - no matter how hard and dark it gets. 

Nice one mate. Leaving the thread for a bit now because I've got something in my eye. keep on keeping on x

[Champ]

4 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

No chance, not even to my mum or dad. 

 

It makes you realise a lot. What impact memories, people and even diet has on your mental state. We aren't made of glass physically but mentally we are nowhere near as strong as we like to think. Not sure about 'a better person' in my case. I was pretty fucking awesome at 25. Im miles away from that lad now. 

More self aware and maybe more sympathetic/empathic towards others' 'difficulties', particular those with depression?

 

I tell you about 'talking' though I hardly say a word to my family and friends when I'm not feeling good. Bad enough that I'm feeling that way, I can't bear bringing them down too. Which is why this place is such a sanctuary...amongst 'friends' but without the risk of upsetting anyone 

[Bjornebye]

17 hours ago, Champ said:

More self aware and maybe more sympathetic/empathic towards others' 'difficulties', particular those with depression?

 

I tell you about 'talking' though I hardly say a word to my family and friends when I'm not feeling good. Bad enough that I'm feeling that way, I can't bear bringing them down too. Which is why this place is such a sanctuary...amongst 'friends' but without the risk of upsetting anyone 

Call me anytime and thanks for your message x 

[Aventus]

Seems appropriate to bump this thread. 

 

It's a bad time of year for stuff like this, and my thoughts are with anyone struggling.

 

Stay strong homies, and I'll try to do the same. 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Probably the worst time, we’ll said mate.