Gift Ideas for a tart.

[loadsoftrophies]

Tickets to the gun show.

[Rush 346]

Take her away for the weekend, nice hotel, book a nice restaurant.

[paddyberger15]

Just kick her in the cunt and say "That's for nothing, see what you get when you do something".

Then go out and get bevvied with Dave. It's a tactic I've always used and it's almost never worked for me.

I offer it up for what it's worth.

 

If you don't find merit in the above, start the day off with the traditional Flowers and a card, buy her some Perfume, and either go to hers and cook for her with a nice bottle of Wine, or invite her round to your gaff and do the same and get the Perfume wrapped proper and it could be the highway to knicker removal. Birds like it when it looks as though you have made a proper effort just for them.

The meal doesn't have to be too lavish, just something that is obviously home made that says 'I've done this for you, even though I'm a useless, piss handed fuck who can't cook'.

 

I still say you should go with option 1 mind.

[Thants]

£50-60??!!

Jesus, I've never spent that much on a woman.

 

ISLE OF MAN 1996 FAMOUS WOMEN SET OF 2 ON FDC on eBay (end time 26-Aug-10 12:48:55 BST)

 

Vintage knitting pattern ladies twin set 34-38" bust on eBay (end time 13-Aug-10 17:02:45 BST)

 

FAST LANE SEXY LADIES CROP TOP SET on eBay (end time 09-Sep-10 10:46:38 BST)

 

Sorted.

 

Or buy these.

 

Beautiful old wrought iron type entrance gates on eBay (end time 25-Aug-10 00:00:25 BST)

[paddyberger15]

I think Thants has sorted it.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

No to the gate. No to just a card. Although I'm secretly hating this bitch I'd suggest something like a spa package that includes a massage. If you're only going 40-60 quid it's no on any kind of gift cards. Think ds is somewhat on the right track. Is there anything in particular she likes? Apart from your privates I mean.

 

Get her a DS ?? I suppose it's a good idea because she can play on that instead of wanting to turen the telly off and 'talk'. Thanks for all the ideas people, I'm just getting her perfume, it just happens that her favourite is chanel and it's like 80 quid a bottle, great success ! I'm taking her to see Jason Manford as well or whatever his name is, I hope he's not shit, I've only seen snippets of him. I think of Mcintyre when I think of him though, and I HATE Mcintyre.

[Nick Leeson]

get her a restraining order. You sound well under the thumb already. Whkhtshhh!

[Ezekiel 25:17]

£50-60??!!

Jesus, I've never spent that much on a woman.

 

ISLE OF MAN 1996 FAMOUS WOMEN SET OF 2 ON FDC on eBay (end time 26-Aug-10 12:48:55 BST)

 

Vintage knitting pattern ladies twin set 34-38" bust on eBay (end time 13-Aug-10 17:02:45 BST)

 

FAST LANE SEXY LADIES CROP TOP SET on eBay (end time 09-Sep-10 10:46:38 BST)

 

Sorted.

 

Or buy these.

 

Beautiful old wrought iron type entrance gates on eBay (end time 25-Aug-10 00:00:25 BST)

 

 

The man with the plan, a plethora of gift fun.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

get her a restraining order. You sound well under the thumb already. Whkhtshhh!

 

Are you shittin' me ? we both know that will never happen now don't we, hang on, she's ringing....

[Nick Leeson]

Tell her Happy Birthday from me, innit.

[Hermes]

I got a horse for my wife, not a bad exchange actually.

[The Special One]

If you hate Mcintyre you will hate Manford. You do know he's a manc right?

Tell her I said happy birthday. And that I hope she has a miserable time and breaks a heel. Ta.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

If you hate Mcintyre you will hate Manford. You do know he's a manc right?

Tell her I said happy birthday. And that I hope she has a miserable time and breaks a heel. Ta.

 

I'm not arsed where he's from to be honest, interesting you say I'll hate him if I hate Mcintyre, why's that ??? are they similar ?

[Nick Leeson]

The GF production of The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

[The Special One]

It's the same type of comedy. I find people usually hate them both or love them both. Manford's less hyper though. I used to love him but he's become slightly corny and mainstream. Plus his scouse impersonation really grates on me.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

It's the same type of comedy. I find people usually hate them both or love them both. Manford's less hyper though. I used to love him but he's become slightly corny and mainstream. Plus his scouse impersonation really grates on me.

 

Well it's not till November so I'll probably watch his stand up before then, Mcintyre is just a fucking turd, I cannot stand his style of comedy so if Manford is similar I'm going to fucking hate it !!

[The Special One]

Catch his Apollo routine on Youtube. If you don't like that then you won't like him.

[RedinSweden]

I think manford is very ordinary. he has some good material and I quite like his style, but it isn't exactly groundbreaking.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

|Manford did a funny sketch where he talked about making that shout noise when you're drifting off to sleep and then suddenly jolt up, it was funny sheet, especially as I do that all the time.

[dirty_sanchez]

I think manford is very ordinary. he has some good material and I quite like his style, but it isn't exactly groundbreaking.

 

Oh yeah? And what do you know about standup comedy then Jim? Fancy yourself as some kind of comedian?

[RedKnight]

Nah you'll like Manford, Al. He's waaaaaay better than McIntyre.

[RedinSweden]

Oh yeah? And what do you know about standup comedy then Jim? Fancy yourself as some kind of comedian?

 

I have spent the last hour watching more clips and I will up him from ordinary to really good. The groundbreaking thing still stands though, but to be honest that isn't necessary. Much rather have standard and very funny than new and shit. I am starting to really like him and his delivery is excellent.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Sound I was dreading it a bit when TSO said he's the same as Mcintyre but surely noone can be like him so I'll watch a bit more of his stuff when I can, I love a bit of stand up me.

[Nick Leeson]

You ran over the deer didn't you?

[The Special One]

I like Mcintyre before he became big and his jokes became shit. I'll still watch him even if I don't laugh. I just meant most people I've known either like both or don't like both. He talks about his family a lot so you'll probably hear that.. specially about his twins.