Hermes

Whose bright idea was it to have Gordon Brown calling for unity in the party against a background of two carousels spinning in opposite directions. Sums his party up perfectly.

Ron Atkinson was 11 years ahead of his time.

Guaranteed way to reduce blood pressure, clinically proven. Die.

I used to drink about 50 pints a week. My GP told me to reduce my alcohol consumption. At my 3 month review I told him I had reduced my alcohol consumption by half. He was delighted and tested my BP and found no difference. I said "I don't get it. I'm drinking 49 and half pints per week, what other sacrifices can I make to reduce it". He said "The best thing you can do is cut alcohol completely, don't smoke, no meat, and run 10 miles a day". I said "What's the second best?"

Drink beetroot juice.

I was wrong about Corbyn. I thought he was as big a clown as Tony Benn. His decision to renege on commitment to clause IV proves he isn't.

I see another socialist country is on the verge of collapse, there isn't even enough toilet paper to wipe their arses in Venezuela.

Ah, so they were told to have no truck with him?

The copper spent all of the lorry driver's money?

A fireman requested a satellite dish to be installed on the roof of his workplace. His boss refused, saying "You are getting ideas above your station".

Wow. I wouldn't have believed that there was so many gullible cranks in the world, never mind posting in a single thread.

Her last words were "Something tells me something's going to happen tonight".

The Titanic would be appropriate in more ways than one.

Take them in and send our fake homeless to their countries.

Can we exchange them for the work shy British? A win win situation.