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Hermes

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Everything posted by Hermes

  1. Hermes

    Winston Churchill

    Enough of these senseless quotes from brain dead American politicians. Here's one from the great man himself. To a well-endowed American woman who wished him to know that she had got up at dawn and driven 100 miles to attend the unveiling of his bust in Richmond, Virginia. "Madam, I want you to know that I would happily reciprocate the honour" That's why we won the war!!!
  2. Hermes

    STARS IN THEIR EYES

    My mate Simon recently appeared on the show. Matthew Kelly introduced him and the conversation continued like this: Matthew Kelly: Well Simon, I believe you have an amazing humanitarian story to tell us. Simon: Yes Matthew. A few months ago I had a motorcycle accident and was told that I would have to have both of my legs amputated. My Uncle Jim offered to donate both of his legs for a transplant to enable me to walk. Matthew Kelly: An amazing story Simon. So tell us, who are you going to be tonight? Simon: Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be SIMON AND ARFUNKEL
  3. Hermes

    Gazza

    Back in football management, I'll give it a month.
  4. Hermes

    Fats Domino

    Been rescued in New Orleans. He'd taken refuge on Blueberry Hill, been there for 3 days. Ain't that a shame.
  5. Hermes

    Airport security

    Off on my hols soon. Any body used the airports since the attempt to blow up the airport in Scotland? How has the security increased, what do I need to be aware of? My last trip had the usual questions: Check in: "Did you pack your bag yourself sir?". Me: "Yes". Check in: "Are you carrying any sharp implements in your hand luggage?". Me: "No". Check in: "Have you left your bag unattended at any time?". Me: "Yes, it's been in the loft for 11 months".
  6. 'Man Butchered And Eaten By Three Tramps' 2:04pm UK, Sunday November 15, 2009 Graham Fitzgerald, Sky News Online Russian police have arrested three homeless men suspected of killing and eating a 25-year-old and selling parts of his body to a kebab and pie kiosk. It's not known if the kebab seller cooked and sold any of the man's flesh The alarm was raised when bits of a corpse were found near a bus stop on the outskirts of Perm, about 720 miles east of Moscow. A statement on the Perm police website said the three alleged cannibals had previous criminal records. The statement said they were detained on suspicion of stabbing a man to death and then chopping him up for food. It went on: "After carrying out the crime, the corpse was divided up. "Part was eaten and part was also sold to a kiosk selling kebabs and pies." It was not clear from the statement if the kiosk had cooked any of the man's flesh and sold it to customers. The three suspects are due to appear in court on Monday.
  7. Hermes

    Labour Leadership Contest

    Whose bright idea was it to have Gordon Brown calling for unity in the party against a background of two carousels spinning in opposite directions. Sums his party up perfectly.
  8. Hermes

    Should Mario stay or should he go

    Ron Atkinson was 11 years ahead of his time.
  9. Guaranteed way to reduce blood pressure, clinically proven. Die.
  10. I used to drink about 50 pints a week. My GP told me to reduce my alcohol consumption. At my 3 month review I told him I had reduced my alcohol consumption by half. He was delighted and tested my BP and found no difference. I said "I don't get it. I'm drinking 49 and half pints per week, what other sacrifices can I make to reduce it". He said "The best thing you can do is cut alcohol completely, don't smoke, no meat, and run 10 miles a day". I said "What's the second best?"
  11. Hermes

    Labour Leadership Contest

    I was wrong about Corbyn. I thought he was as big a clown as Tony Benn. His decision to renege on commitment to clause IV proves he isn't.
  12. Hermes

    Labour Leadership Contest

    I see another socialist country is on the verge of collapse, there isn't even enough toilet paper to wipe their arses in Venezuela.
  13. Hermes

    Top Ten Conspiracy Theories

    Ah, so they were told to have no truck with him?
  14. Hermes

    Top Ten Conspiracy Theories

    The copper spent all of the lorry driver's money?
  15. Hermes

    Joke!

    A fireman requested a satellite dish to be installed on the roof of his workplace. His boss refused, saying "You are getting ideas above your station".
  16. Hermes

    Top Ten Conspiracy Theories

    Wow. I wouldn't have believed that there was so many gullible cranks in the world, never mind posting in a single thread.
  17. Hermes

    Cilla Black has died..

    Her last words were "Something tells me something's going to happen tonight".
  18. Hermes

    Labour Leadership Contest

    The Titanic would be appropriate in more ways than one.
  19. Hermes

    This business in Calais

    Take them in and send our fake homeless to their countries.
  20. Hermes

    This business in Calais

    Can we exchange them for the work shy British? A win win situation.
  21. Hermes

    Labour Leadership Contest

    Can the Socialists on here please decide whether democracy is good or bad or is it only good when a socialist Government is elected.
  22. Hermes

    Labour Leadership Contest

    Murdoch's rag backed Labour for years.
  23. Hermes

    Labour Leadership Contest

    Socialism is dead so let's call it something else and hope nobody notices. Pythonesque.
  24. Hermes

    Labour Leadership Contest

    Haha, you checked it then. . One minute and 24 seconds in. No Labour MP response. Or any sensible one here. I rest my case.
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