The world of a woman.

[Trumo]

I got sent a Facebook link to a video about a guy asking his girlfriend a maths question while driving - if you are travelling at 80mph, how long does it take to do 80 miles? Admittedly, the guy is a bit of a twat, but thankfully the video has also been uploaded to Youtube.

 

[YOUTUBE]Qhm7-LEBznk[/YOUTUBE]

[Champ]

Er, who's filming that?

[Chairman Meow]

She's clearly very thick. But you would have to say the bloke is a fucking twat to film her like that and put it on the net to make her look stupid. Fucking arsehole.

[Trumo]

I agree it's funnier when you let them come out with gems off their own accord, rather than set them up to humiliate them.

[cloggypop]

An ex of mine once told me that at school she was a computer monitor .

[Unrighteous]

That girl is clearly thick. very, very, thick.

[Harry Squatter]

Some stupid woman on my mrs Facebook page updated her status "travelling back from Wales on the train and some stupid bitch has just asked me to move cos she has reserved this seat, who the fuck does she think she is, she only got on at the last stop and I was here before her"

[RedinSweden]

Some stupid woman on my mrs Facebook page updated her status "travelling back from Wales on the train and some stupid bitch has just asked me to move cos she has reserved this seat, who the fuck does she think she is, she only got on at the last stop and I was here before her"

 

Amazing.

[bri]

We were driving back from somewhere or other and I go to the missus I'm going to stop at the next services.

 

She goes to me "But we always stop at Leigh Delamere" as if to say why aren't we stopping there.

 

I had to point out to her that the UK road network is pretty big and to direct me to one service station on the M4 in between Bristol and Swindon for a piss and a brew would be a couple of hundred miles out of our way.

[Staniola]

My mate's bird was filling up with petrol and went to put a tenner in. She picked up the pump for the more expensive ultra unleaded, so my mate told her to just put the normal unleaded in as she would get more petrol, to which she replied "what difference does it make? I'll get a tenner's worth either way."

[Scrump]

We were driving back from somewhere or other and I go to the missus I'm going to stop at the next services.

 

She goes to me "But we always stop at Leigh Delamere" as if to say why aren't we stopping there.

 

I had to point out to her that the UK road network is pretty big and to direct me to one service station on the M4 in between Bristol and Swindon for a piss and a brew would be a couple of hundred miles out of our way.

 

For some reason in my head "Leigh Delamere" is always said loudly in the voice of a comedy compere or gameshow host.

[Champ]

For some reason in my head "Leigh Delamere" is always said loudly in the voice of a comedy compere or gameshow host.

 

I see where you're coming from.....I can hear it in the style of the voiceover guy from X Factor

[Liverpool lad]

Fucking girls who spend all day snacking and then think about skipping their tea.

 

Here is a plan, eat proper meals, snack in moderation and maybe exercise. While you are at it, buy clothes that fit and not the size below.

[Hand Shandy]

Girlfriend not cooking your tea for you tonight then?

[Liverpool lad]

I'm talking about some cretins I know

[bri]

boss in our place told one of the team to start wearing makeup as he had to sit opposite her all day.

 

as a guide check out the rock heads on Christmas Island

[Trumo]

boss in our place told one of the team to start wearing makeup as he had to sit opposite her all day.

 

as a guide check out the rock heads on Christmas Island

 

Or Easter Island if you prefer!

[Harry Squatter]

Watching some documentary on Sky Movies the other night about Bond girls. One of the Bond girls from the 80's was interviewing a load of other Bond girls about how their roles have changed since Sean Connery's films.

 

She interviewed some bird called Gemma Arterton who was in Quantam of Solace, both of them start getting all excited saying "I love the way the roles for women have changed in Bond films down the years, the women are cleverer, have more to say, they aren't bimbos and are Bond's equal"

 

80's Bondgirl "so Gemma, tell us a bit about the character you play in Quantam of Solace?"

 

"Well she turns up at the airport with the specific intention to send Bond back to London when he arrives in Bolivia, Bond ignores her, she ends up having sex with him in his hotel then she gets murdered"

[Tj hooker]

I had a Passat when I was with my ex. Warning light came on one day indicating I needed new brake pads. That, according to her, was my fault for 'braking too much.'

 

Yeah, I should just slide into the arse end of the car in front then should I?

 

Fantastic , tears are rolling down my face

[Unrighteous]

Watching some documentary on Sky Movies the other night about Bond girls. One of the Bond girls from the 80's was interviewing a load of other Bond girls about how their roles have changed since Sean Connery's films.

 

She interviewed some bird called Gemma Arterton who was in Quantam of Solace, both of them start getting all excited saying "I love the way the roles for women have changed in Bond films down the years, the women are cleverer, have more to say, they aren't bimbos and are Bond's equal"

 

80's Bondgirl "so Gemma, tell us a bit about the character you play in Quantam of Solace?"

 

"Well she turns up at the airport with the specific intention to send Bond back to London when he arrives in Bolivia, Bond ignores her, she ends up having sex with him in his hotel then she gets murdered"

 

Hahahhahaa

[Lurtz]

A female colleague at work yestarday was convinced there were only 30 days in January. I mentioned the "30 days have September..." mnemonic, she said there's no way she'd be able to remember that. She then said she didn't know why there's a poem to remind people what day bonfire night is on as surely everyone knows it's 5th November. I had to ask her what she meant. She looked at me as if I was stupid, "Remember remember the 5th of November, that one".

[Paulie Dangerously]

Talking about famous people who committed crimes in work and OJ Simpson got brought up.

 

Blonde 1: OJ? Who's that?

Blonde 2: What, don't you know? He shot J.R.

[Liverpool lad]

'When you have a cold sore, how do you spell it? Is it like coleslaw without the 'l'?

[VladimirIlyich]

Its a 'cold sore.'

[Pony Princess]

Our office tranny got sacked the other day. It always makes me chuckle how m-to-f's always dress appallingly. Face like a bag of spanners, big deep Wigan accent, big hands and feet, legs like a dream, cock in-between. From behind, 10/10 - would bang.

 

Knee high boots, flesh-coloured tights and a short skirt? C'mon mate, you are fooling nobody.