What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Pidge]

10 hours ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

Tomatoes give you beany tomatoeiness but we may have to disagree; however, without the anaemic mushrooms I ventue aRdj would have spent £15 on that (if he was still in Wandsworth/ London).

No chance he'd get two sausages for £15.

[Captain Willard]

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

3 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

That's a good system - eat the breakfast but keep a slice on toast back for if you want beans on toast.

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

That is the most tory, back of the radio times, queen mother, downing street, thatcher shagging, nonce plate I've ever seen in my career 

 

Sausages look superb, eggs look great, toast would be lovely if it wasn't cut into nonce shapes, fuck you for the beans you cunt and that tea-pot is lovely. 

 

You're cheating on your wife with a light eater and all you bastard. 

[Tony Moanero]

9 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

Did they serve the toast on the little plate? If so, why did you put it on the big plate with the rest of your food? 

[Total Longo]

On 28/12/2021 at 15:54, TheBitch said:

You don’t have a biscuit tin?

 

I don’t know what you are Tony. 
 

*looks at forum*
 

I don’t know what he is. 

Avid Merrion reference. Incredibly niche. Repped. 

[Pidge]

12 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

Does the teapot hold the extra beans you ordered?

[Total Longo]

On 02/01/2022 at 10:52, Pidge said:

No chance he'd get two sausages for £15.

[Mike D]

26 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

I’d still be unhappy that the beans in the cup are indirectly touching my plate, but looks nice.

[YorkshireRed]

21 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

A kindly old lady across the road from us, when I was a kid, used to invite us for tea and serve up jam tarts on a plate like this. 
 

It makes me sad to think that her belongings, once she died, made their way south and ended up being used to house nonsense like this piss take of a breakfast. 
 

I know the Greeks are a little miffed that the Elgin marbles are not where they belong, but that’s nothing compared to my requirement that this plate be returned to Wakefield. 

[Bjornebye]

I bet he drank that cup of beans like this the baldy blue ribbon bastard

 

 

[Captain Willard]

35 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Did they serve the toast on the little plate? If so, why did you put it on the big plate with the rest of your food? 

Artistic composition 

[Captain Willard]

16 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

A kindly old lady across the road from us, when I was a kid, used to invite us for tea and serve up jam tarts on a plate like this. 
 

It makes me sad to think that her belongings, once she died, made their way south and ended up being used to house nonsense like this piss take of a breakfast. 
 

I know the Greeks are a little miffed that the Elgin marbles are not where they belong, but that’s nothing compared to my requirement that this plate be returned to Wakefield. 

It’s a chintzy little cafe run by middle aged Surrey housewives with fresh flowers in vases and shit amateur art on the wall that never gets sold.  You’re not going to get stuff served on bits of slate in a place like this. 

[Captain Willard]

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

I bet he drank that cup of beans like this the baldy blue ribbon bastard

 

 

I crook my little finger (I actually do this). 

[Strontium]

3 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

I bet he drank that cup of beans like this the baldy blue ribbon bastard

 

 

 

I drink mine uncooked straight from the can.

[Trumo]

4 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

 

Nice of them to use the eggs to thaw out the sausage.

[DalyanPete]

On 13/01/2022 at 15:38, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

Was Fiona Bruce there? Ming dynasty crockery.

Sausages look sound and well in on the beans brother.

[DalyanPete]

I had a twat of a meal out in New restaurant last night.

Steak medley was 2 slivers of fillet and 2 big chunks of inedible fat.

Had to have this for breakfast.

Asda sausage and Dales smokey bacon smuggled into Turkey last Sunday.

Fried bread, potato cake, egg, toast, tomato with horrible skin removed and fuckin beans.

 

[Oh Buoy]

On 13/01/2022 at 12:38, Captain Willard said:

 Stuck working at home whilst Mrs Willard is out all day so taken to going out  for lunch just to break up the monotony. Today’s treat was another all day breakfast at the local cafe. Inspired no doubt by Chernobyl, they put the beans in a separate metal container to reduce contamination. Good solid pale blue teapot and £7.95. 

 

A grim artist's representation of society, that. 

 

Let's begin with the plate - a foundation piece that dictates how the story usually plays out. In this instance, the artist has chosen to use a plate from the 1900's in which forces everythnig to be close together and places more emphasis on the decorative art, than it does the food. A poor start in many eyes. 

 

Next on the judgment table is the beans. I'm lover of beans but keeping them contained in a mug is both confusing and idiotic as it prevents the juices from mixing and adding flavour. If one wishes them to be contained, they should be placed in a jug of some sort. A mini jug if you're all about scale and social significance. 

 

There appears to be two sausages. One hidden under the egg. I have no problems with the amount, I'm just confused at why the egg is mounting one of them like some graphic porno. Perhaps the artist wanted to establish a sense of inequality here, or sexism. 

 

The bread is a fucking disgrace and represents how Tories have fucked up the country with irreversible damage. The artist chose well here. Not only is the butter half melted but the whole shape is wrong and offensive. 

 

The empty plate on the table represents poverty. A sad and honest account of where we are as a nation and society. Morally bankrupt, financially fucked and the bread Tories out in numbers fucking up the only good thing on the table, the eggs. 

 

Eggs are alright, broken and damaged. Like everyone's mental health and future. An insight into what the future holds for our children and future generations. 

 

An insightful piece, one that I'll score 6/10 for the effort but deducting 4 points for the grim and cold feeling it's left me with. 

[Oh Buoy]

7 minutes ago, DalyanPete said:

I had a twat of a meal out in New restaurant last night.

Steak medley was 2 slivers of fillet and 2 big chunks of inedible fat.

Had to have this for breakfast.

Asda sausage and Dales smokey bacon smuggled into Turkey last Sunday.

Fried bread, potato cake, egg, toast, tomato with horrible skin removed and fuckin beans.

 

 

Deserves an outright ban this. 

[DalyanPete]

1 hour ago, ._. said:

 

Deserves an outright ban this. 

It was stunning.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, DalyanPete said:

I had a twat of a meal out in New restaurant last night.

Steak medley was 2 slivers of fillet and 2 big chunks of inedible fat.

Had to have this for breakfast.

Asda sausage and Dales smokey bacon smuggled into Turkey last Sunday.

Fried bread, potato cake, egg, toast, tomato with horrible skin removed and fuckin beans.

 

I wouldn't eat that after 10 pints of Efes 

[Oh Buoy]

2 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I wouldn't eat that after 10 pints of Efes 

 

Fucking love Efes. 

[YorkshireRed]

1 hour ago, DalyanPete said:

I had a twat of a meal out in New restaurant last night.

Steak medley was 2 slivers of fillet and 2 big chunks of inedible fat.

Had to have this for breakfast.

Asda sausage and Dales smokey bacon smuggled into Turkey last Sunday.

Fried bread, potato cake, egg, toast, tomato with horrible skin removed and fuckin beans.

 

The guy in Midnight Express had better breakfasts than this. 

[Strontium]

People can criticise DalyanPete, but he had to smuggle the ingredients into the country. It's a commitment to cooked breakfastry that has rarely been seen in this thread.