What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Stouffer]

5 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Why did you move the kettle? 

It's a Hinari.

[cloggypop]

I've just tried to google what dinosaurs you actually get from Bernard Matthews with no success at all so what is it? 

[Bjornebye]

16 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

I've just tried to google what dinosaurs you actually get from Bernard Matthews with no success at all so what is it? 

Jarg Pterodactyl 

[Bruce Spanner]

29 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

I've just tried to google what dinosaurs you actually get from Bernard Matthews with no success at all so what is it? 

 

It's an Asphxyisaur, not great if you're prone to anaphylaxis apparently.

 

I will now collect my 'wins the internet award'

 

Signed photos are $50 a pop, speak to my assistant for details.

[cloggypop]

42 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Jarg Pterodactyl 

Is that like a Stigosaurus? 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I'm glad we've got the 'yer ma on toast' tag back, saves a lot of time.

[Guest]

On 06/10/2021 at 11:14, Carvalho Diablo said:

A late breakfast:

 

Branston beans & sausages with 3 fried eggs, strong cheddar and saracha hot sauce.

 

The plate is for Tony.

 

Looks like a cooked breakfast version of jenga. 

[Guest]

10 hours ago, cloggypop said:

I've just tried to google what dinosaurs you actually get from Bernard Matthews with no success at all so what is it? 

Jufinkhesaurus

[Total Longo]

After reading the last few pages of this thread, i am now convinced that all US spree killers of the last few years have been served similar breakfasts prior to their "sprees"  

[JagSquared]

19 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Here we go...

Imagine getting hit by a bus and that being your last meal. 
 

I’m also not sure what this is doing on a breakfast thread. In fact I’m not sure what this is doing in any thread let alone it being repped. Were people just impressed by the audacity of it?

[Carvalho Diablo]

40 minutes ago, JagSquared said:

Imagine getting hit by a bus and that being your last meal. 
 

I’m also not sure what this is doing on a breakfast thread. In fact I’m not sure what this is doing in any thread let alone it being repped. Were people just impressed by the audacity of it?

Where else would my famous breakfast burritos belong?

[Bjornebye]

35 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Where else would my famous breakfast burritos belong?

Back on the floor outside Popworld where you found them 

[JagSquared]

34 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Where else would my famous breakfast burritos belong?

There’s nothing traditionally breakfast on it for a start. Lettuce? Chicken dinosaurs? Rice?

 

That is pure anarchy.  

[TheBitch]

17 hours ago, Karl_b said:

I have a few hotel stays for work coming up in the next week, I'm hoping to spoil the GF with some shite breakfasts. You lucky cunts.

I’ll start off with one from the canteen in the new office block at work. £3 for 7 items. 

[Bjornebye]

I don't blame you for punching your hash brown in anger. Was this before you handed your notice in with a note from your solicitor warning about the impending lawsuit? 

[Carvalho Diablo]

2 hours ago, JagSquared said:

There’s nothing traditionally breakfast on it for a start. Lettuce? Chicken dinosaurs? Rice?

 

That is pure anarchy.  

Turkey dinosaurs

[Total Longo]

1 hour ago, TheBitch said:

I’ll start off with one from the canteen in the new office block at work. £3 for 7 items. 

Even the egg doesn't really want to be there. It's attempting to slither as far away as possible from the microwaved bacon but it's realised that it's slithered the wrong way and now has beans to contend with.

[Captain Turdseye]

On 07/10/2021 at 11:37, Carvalho Diablo said:

Gonna knock up some breakfast burritos in a bit.

 

Some Uncle Ben's microwaveable egg fried rice, some Bernard Matthews Dinosaur Shapes, lettuce, tomato, grated cheddar, some Cool flavoured Doritos for the crunch, maybe some Doritos salsa and some saracha hot sauce.

 

A couple of those should hit the spot.

I am like a pregnant woman with Cool Doritos at the moment. The amount of them I’m putting away is dangerous. Sainsbury’s are doing the enormous ‘50% more’ sharing bags for £1.25 and I’m going through them at a rate that Fat Barry from Birmingham wouldn’t be able to keep up with. 
 

Relevant to the breakfast thread too. I opened a packet (270g) yesterday at 09:15 and demolished them all in about 20 minutes. 
 

I’m out of control. I’m stopping at Sainsbury’s again in a bit because I’m all out. I’m thinking ahead to the weekend and wondering what’s on at the cinema, purely so I can stop at Tesco on the way and grab another pack. 

[Carvalho Diablo]

They add a lovely bit of crunch and saltiness toa burrito. Just saying.

[Karl_b]

A Premier Inn breakfast but because they were quiet it was al cooked to order, so it was better than I was expecting.

 

There's nothing special here but I didn't pay for it, it was tasty enough and it filled a void.

 

6/10.

[Bjornebye]

Completely ruined with the shape of that toast and b*eans. Rest of it looks lovely Karl, even the glass which looks like it's got the last of your triple brandy in it. If I was to be picky I'd say the sausages look like a couple of the chefs bum tremors which even if they were they would still be the second worst thing on the plate. 

[Karl_b]

Just now, Bjornebye said:

Completely ruined with the shape of that toast and b*eans. Rest of it looks lovely Karl, even the glass which looks like it's got the last of your triple brandy in it. If I was to be picky I'd say the sausages look like a couple of the chefs bum tremors which even if they were they would still be the second worst thing on the plate. 

Coming from you I'm taking that as a massive compliment and will have a spring in my step for the rest of the afternoon.

[Remmie]

1 hour ago, TheBitch said:

I’ll start off with one from the canteen in the new office block at work. £3 for 7 items. 

They've beaned the shit out of that, I can only assume the vessel in the picture is not for coffee but for double portion bean haulage? 

[Captain Willard]

12 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

A Premier Inn breakfast but because they were quiet it was al cooked to order, so it was better than I was expecting.

 

There's nothing special here but I didn't pay for it, it was tasty enough and it filled a void.

 

6/10.

Looks very tasty but there is something weird on the top corner of the upper slice of toast. 

[YorkshireRed]

17 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

A Premier Inn breakfast but because they were quiet it was al cooked to order, so it was better than I was expecting.

 

There's nothing special here but I didn't pay for it, it was tasty enough and it filled a void.

 

6/10.

Premier Inn breakfasts are much like their rooms.
 

Nothing special but perfectly reasonable for the price, particularly when beans are added. Not unlike most of the women I’ve had in my life. 
 

6.5/10