THE TLW TAVERN (no virus talk allowed, just small talk pub bollocks)

[AngryOfTuebrook]

2 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Is it winner stays on on the pool table ? 

That's not something you need to worry about.

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 minute ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

That's not something you need to worry about.

 

That was my trick shot.

[Harry Squatter]

On 13/03/2020 at 18:46, Dave D said:

Got a new girl starting tonight. Shes quite shy so go easy on her

 

Going to report her for not wearing PPE

[lifetime fan]

15 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Going to report her for not wearing PPE

I was wearing a condom don’t worry. 

[Captain Turdseye]

1 hour ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

That's not something you need to worry about.

 

This is still one my favourite things on the internet. 
 

 

[Jennings]

Dave, I've had a word with a few of the regulars - you know the decent upstanding ones. And basically if you don't start attracting some female clientele in here then we're off to Lurrzy's gaff.

[VladimirIlyich]

2 minutes ago, Jennings said:

Dave, I've had a word with a few of the regulars - you know the decent upstanding ones. And basically if you don't start attracting some female clientele in here then we're off to Lurrzy's gaff.

It's closed. Online orders is Lurtz's business now.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

4 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

It's closed. Online orders is Lurtz's business now.

 

Lurtz has started up an online female clientele business?  Lurtz, I'd like to order 1 slag please.

[VladimirIlyich]

You'll be disappointed if a bag of coal shows up.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

8 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

You'll be disappointed if a bag of coal shows up.

 

Christmas coming early

[VladimirIlyich]

1 minute ago, Aw Geez said:

 

Christmas coming early

Instead of you!

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Just now, VladimirIlyich said:

Instead of you!

 

Haha

[Jennings]

31 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

It's closed. Online orders is Lurtz's business now.

 

Have you not been selected for the VIP priority after hours lock-ins?

 

...er...I mean...yeah...it's shut.

[lifetime fan]

1 hour ago, VladimirIlyich said:

It's closed. Online orders is Lurtz's business now.

When and why this happen? 

[Dave D]

2 hours ago, Jennings said:

Dave, I've had a word with a few of the regulars - you know the decent upstanding ones. And basically if you don't start attracting some female clientele in here then we're off to Lurrzy's gaff.

I had a hen party in the beer garden few weeks back. I had to ask them to leave as Tony started having a funny turn 

[Dave D]

Cheeky mares said my cocktails were rubbish

[Dave D]

I told them, my hoffmeister and garlic mayo cocktails usually fly out the door  

[tokyojoe]

Who's shat on the pool table?

[Dave D]

2 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Who's shat on the pool table?

That was my idea. Toilets are out of order so I figured it would if all the punters did it there it would keep it all in one place. 

[Dave D]

In fact, you could probably still just about manage a game of killer on it  

[Dave D]

Top prize in this weeks meat draw- £2 a ticket

 

[Jennings]

18 minutes ago, Dave D said:

That was my idea. Toilets are out of order so I figured it would if all the punters did it there it would keep it all in one place. 

 

A little drop of it makes the cocktails a bit more palatable too 

[Bjornebye]

23 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Who's shat on the pool table?

Fuck sake was hoping for 4 points off that 

[Dave D]

14 minutes ago, Jennings said:

 

A little drop of it makes the cocktails a bit more palatable too 

Thickens the hot pot as well