The Ailment thread

[Colonel Bumcunt]

9 minutes ago, Elite said:

I was on tramadol for ages every day. Give it a try mate, if you are naturally anxious it exacerbates pain. I thought nothing would ever help me but that did.

Are you anxious as well?

[Lee909]

Tramadol is great stuff

I was on it after the gall bladder surgery as i couldn't get key hole to cut open from breast bone about 10 inches down towards my liver

[Elite]

3 minutes ago, Colonel Bumcunt said:

Are you anxious as well?

Definitely. My mind never switches off. I found the more I had pain the more I would worry about it, which caused more tension which created more pain like an endless cycle.

 

I thought that programme would be a load of bollocks but it's helped me a lot. It doesn't all go away instantly but I did that last Christmas and apart from a few odd weeks I've pretty much much been pain free.

[easytoslip]

44 minutes ago, Colonel Bumcunt said:

I had a thai massage last month, felt great, sorted nothing.

She told me my shoulders were very tight and she couldn't quite undo them. 

I paid her in shillings and told her to leave my country. 

Haha, did you run her up the wrong way then?

[Elite]

3 hours ago, Lee909 said:

Tramadol is great stuff

I was on it after the gall bladder surgery as i couldn't get key hole to cut open from breast bone about 10 inches down towards my liver

At first it's great but not long-term.

[lifetime fan]

16 minutes ago, Elite said:

At first it's great but not long-term.

I have runners knee at the moment - it’s fucking agony. 
 

I’m eating naproxen like smarties. 

[Elite]

9 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

I have runners knee at the moment - it’s fucking agony. 
 

I’m eating naproxen like smarties. 

I don't find Ibuprofen/Naproxen helps at all with any injuries I've had. Really bad for your stomach as well.

[mattyq]

3 hours ago, Elite said:

I don't find Ibuprofen/Naproxen helps at all with any injuries I've had. Really bad for your stomach as well.

I had a gippy knee about 6 weeks ago and the Doc gave me naproxen and some other tablets for the stomach. Sorted the knee out in 2 weeks... still not quite right but no pain anymore which is a big relief. Was hobbling around like an 90 year old with a stick

[Colonel Bumcunt]

Dr says I have a very slight curvature of the spine which might likely be causing the pains, though I;m obviously exacerbating it with worry. 

[Elite]

3 minutes ago, mattyq said:

I had a gippy knee about 6 weeks ago and the Doc gave me naproxen and some other tablets for the stomach. Sorted the knee out in 2 weeks... still not quite right but no pain anymore which is a big relief. Was hobbling around like an 90 year old with a stick

Is that cockney rhyming slang for 'Chippy Tea'?

 

I don't bother with NSAIDs, I go straight to the hard stuff like Tramadol and Heroin these days.

 

[mattyq]

10 minutes ago, Elite said:

Is that cockney rhyming slang for 'Chippy Tea'?

 

I don't bother with NSAIDs, I go straight to the hard stuff like Tramadol and Heroin these days.

 

Chippy tea! That's suddenly made me very hungry

Had to give up the heroin and crack cocaine as they were playing havoc with my piles

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

18 hours ago, Elite said:

I don't find Ibuprofen/Naproxen helps at all with any injuries I've had. Really bad for your stomach as well.

Ibuprofen can also be really bad for your kidneys if you have any undiagnosed issues.

[Section_31]

Got an ear infection and am genuinely contemplating suicide. Curious mix of hot knitting needle down the ear, deafness and feeling like my face is going to fall off. Tremendous craic. 

[Rico1304]

I got a TENS machine to try and help with my hip pain.  No idea if it’s all a load of bollocks but I absolutely love the pleasure/pain feeling it gives*.  I’ll be in a gimp mask with electrodes on my nipples by the end of the month.

 

*I didn’t enjoy trying to take it off whilst it was still on and getting a shock on my fingers, they started to spasm, the pads are sticky so I couldn’t take them off and I ran around the living room like a twat.  

[Elite]

3 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

I got a TENS machine to try and help with my hip pain.  No idea if it’s all a load of bollocks but I absolutely love the pleasure/pain feeling it gives*.  I’ll be in a gimp mask with electrodes on my nipples by the end of the month.

 

*I didn’t enjoy trying to take it off whilst it was still on and getting a shock on my fingers, they started to spasm, the pads are sticky so I couldn’t take them off and I ran around the living room like a twat.  

You've been sticking them on your balls haven't you?

[Rico1304]

2 minutes ago, Elite said:

You've been sticking them on your balls haven't you?

Yes.  

[Elite]

1 minute ago, Rico1304 said:

Yes.  

TENS machines appear to be a fancy version of Tiger balm, create a new sensation to distract you from the pain. Which does work, until you take it off.

 

 

[Section_31]

Tens is deffo one for the getting older thread. They were probably invented by the Gestapo weren't they, until someone realised if you turned them down a bit they were a decent laugh. The machines, not the Gestapo. 

[Elite]

4 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Tens is deffo one for the getting older thread. They were probably invented by the Gestapo weren't they, until someone realised if you turned them down a bit they were a decent laugh. The machines, not the Gestapo. 

Some cunt probably didn't wet the sponge and the intended victim got welcome relief from his chronic migraines instead.

[Rico1304]

The wife had one when she was pregnant to ease back pain.  It worked a bit.  I don’t think this is helping me as it’s bone on bone in my hip joint, so miles away from the surface of the skin. It just feels nice.  
 

The machine is tiny too, about the size of a credit card but it whacks a punch.  Just off to put the Henry the Hoover over my balls. 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

47 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

I got a TENS machine to try and help with my hip pain.  No idea if it’s all a load of bollocks but I absolutely love the pleasure/pain feeling it gives*.  I’ll be in a gimp mask with electrodes on my nipples by the end of the month.

 

*I didn’t enjoy trying to take it off whilst it was still on and getting a shock on my fingers, they started to spasm, the pads are sticky so I couldn’t take them off and I ran around the living room like a twat.  

Aren't they for when you piss yourself, you old cunt.

[Elite]

57 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Got an ear infection and am genuinely contemplating suicide. Curious mix of hot knitting needle down the ear, deafness and feeling like my face is going to fall off. Tremendous craic. 

Stick a tens pad down your ear lobe.

[Rico1304]

8 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

Aren't they for when you piss yourself, you old cunt.

Ha ha. Close. 

[Dr Nowt]

3 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

I got a TENS machine to try and help with my hip pain.  No idea if it’s all a load of bollocks but I absolutely love the pleasure/pain feeling it gives*.  I’ll be in a gimp mask with electrodes on my nipples by the end of the month.

 

*I didn’t enjoy trying to take it off whilst it was still on and getting a shock on my fingers, they started to spasm, the pads are sticky so I couldn’t take them off and I ran around the living room like a twat.  

I believe there have been studies showing that when touch neurons are activated they can provide some mitigation to pain as they work on the same spinothalamic pathway as sensory neurons. Turns out people rubbing kid's knees when they've grazed them are actually scientists.

[Dr Nowt]

4 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

I believe there have been studies showing that when touch neurons are activated they can provide some mitigation to pain as they work on the same spinothalamic pathway as sensory neurons. Turns out people rubbing kid's knees when they've grazed them are actually scientists.

And, on occasion, paedos.