The Ailment thread

[General Dryness]

Waited four hours at the hospital. Eventually got called into a room by an Asian chap who kept calling me 'My Dear'. He then shoved a finger up my arse, much to the delight of Mrs Turdseye, before telling me that all he could do is suggest to my GP that he tries to book me an earlier appointment with a neurologist than the one I've been given so far.

 

So I still can't walk but I can scratch 'Being finger banged by an Indian' off my to do list.

 

Pissed off, man.

 

Did he make you wear the sexy underwear? And, most importantly, did you get a reacharound?

[General Dryness]

This is fucking great news. hahahahahahahaha finger banged by an asian fella in-front of your bird. The best thing is its a leg problem is it not? hahahahaha did he wiggle it about? 

 

CT was confused because the guys hands just looked normal when he was talking to him, but when he came to do the exam the finger he used was six inches long with a bulbous tip and no nail.

[stringvest]

CT was confused because the guys hands just looked normal when he was talking to him, but when he came to do the exam the finger he used was six inches long with a bulbous tip and no nail.

 

He got suspicious when he saw the 'doctor' rolling a cigarette and combing his hair simultaneously while his finger was up his arse.  

 

CT, did this hospital have flock wallpaper?  You may have mistakenly gone into the Khyber Pass, Norfolk's first Gay Indian Restaurant.  Should've gone to Specsavers.  

[Bjornebye]

He got suspicious when he saw the 'doctor' rolling a cigarette and combing his hair simultaneously while his finger was up his arse.  

 

CT, did this hospital have flock wallpaper?  You may have mistakenly gone into the Khyber Pass, Norfolk's first Gay Indian Restaurant.  Should've gone to Specsavers.  

 

The doc certainly carried on up CT's Khyber 

[Captain Turdseye]

This is fucking great news. hahahahahahahaha finger banged by an asian fella in-front of your bird. The best thing is its a leg problem is it not? hahahahaha did he wiggle it about?

Made my bird wait outside while he went digging, she proceeded to text her sisters who are now calling me Sooty.

[stringvest]

Still, as long as you got your mobile phone back, that's the  main thing

[Captain Turdseye]

Did he make you wear the sexy underwear? And, most importantly, did you get a reacharound?

I was completely unprepared for it, the best I could do was push back. He didn't seem game to be honest, I think he was put off by me being a virgin.

[Trumo]

The doc certainly carried on up CT's Khyber 

 

He fairly Bungdit Din.

[General Dryness]

I was completely unprepared for it, the best I could do was push back. He didn't seem game to be honest, I think he was put off by me being a virgin.

 

Oh no, you didn't tell him you loved him, did you?

[Lee909]

Prostate Hero

[stringvest]

did he get a high score?  As doctor Wally Scott said, hold your plums.

[Sugar Ape]

So I still can't walk but I can scratch 'Being finger banged by an Indian' off my to do list.

 

I'd like to know what else is on your to do list if being finger banged by an Indian was something you hoped for?

 

Getting a suck off a squeasant next?

[Captain Turdseye]

Back to the GP this morning to beg him to get me an appointment with the specialist ASAP.

 

Hopefully he'll throw a rim job in as a token of goodwill.

[General Dryness]

Back to the GP this morning to beg him to get me an appointment with the specialist ASAP.

 

Hopefully he'll throw a rim job in as a token of goodwill.

 

Maybe you'll meet him halfway and give it a proper wipe before you go in. Poor mans finger looked like a picnic bar after he pulled it out last time.

[Sugar Ape]

I'm not in extreme pain but I've got some kind of blockage or something say halfway between my belly button and my chest. Just feels like I've got some food or something there but it's been like this for about 3 days now.

 

It's like a more painful version of indigestion but I can still eat and drink ok.

 

Is it aids? It is isn't it? I've got aids. Fuck.

[stringvest]

probably just some hard spunk. Cough it up.  

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I'm not in extreme pain but I've got some kind of blockage or something say halfway between my belly button and my chest. Just feels like I've got some food or something there but it's been like this for about 3 days now.

 

It's like a more painful version of indigestion but I can still eat and drink ok.

 

Is it aids? It is isn't it? I've got aids. Fuck.

Good excuse to get pissed mate. Drink shit loads of beer (no solids) and the next day you'll shit everything out. If symptoms continue, sober up and go see your doctor. Alternatively you can just go and see your doctor tomorrow. You may need a camera shoved down your throat, but hey up, better than having one shoved up yer arse. 

[Sugar Ape]

probably just some hard spunk. Cough it up.

But I always spit? I'm confused.

[stringvest]

Good excuse to get pissed mate. Drink shit loads of beer (no solids) and the next day you'll shit everything out. If symptoms continue, sober up and go see your doctor. Alternatively you can just go and see your doctor tomorrow. You may need a camera shoved down your throat, but hey up, better than having one shoved up yer arse. 

 

oh I don't know.  He'll be the busiest man on Grindr if he can capture some stills from that.

[Sugar Ape]

Good excuse to get pissed mate. Drink shit loads of beer (no solids) and the next day you'll shit everything out. If symptoms continue, sober up and go see your doctor. Alternatively you can just go and see your doctor tomorrow. You may need a camera shoved down your throat, but hey up, better than having one shoved up yer arse.

I've been shitting as normal, thought it was just indigestion at first but it's not going and I've had gaviscon and shit. Think I might have to go the doctors if it persists.

[stringvest]

I've been shitting as normal, thought it was just indigestion at first but it's not going and I've had gaviscon and shit. Think I might have to go the doctors if it persists.

 

Seriously, just drink plenty of water for the next day or so, and keep solids, particularly stodge, to an absolute minimum.  Try and get a bit of exercise in, and I think you'll find it sorts its way out.  

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I've been shitting as normal, thought it was just indigestion at first but it's not going and I've had gaviscon and shit. Think I might have to go the doctors if it persists.

probably a lot wiser than asking us lot mate. 

[Sugar Ape]

Seriously, just drink plenty of water for the next day or so, and keep solids, particularly stodge, to an absolute minimum. Try and get a bit of exercise in, and I think you'll find it sorts its way out.

I feel quite guilty right now as I'm lying in bed eating a cornetto. I'll rethink my strategy! If it's not better tomorrow I'll go the doctors after work.

[stringvest]

I feel quite guilty right now as I'm lying in bed eating a cornetto. I'll rethink my strategy! If it's not better tomorrow I'll go the doctors after work.

 

haha!  fucking hell.

[ZonkoVille77]

I've 2 slipped discs in my back. Got cortisone injections for the T8-T9 discs which helped somewhat but the L4-L5 discs might eventually need an op. Physio helps big time. Anyone with any sort of back pain heading into their 30s, get to exercising now you'll be glad you did.