The world of a woman.

[Champ]

What is it with women not being able to tell the difference between clean and tidy.

Picking up all the crap around the place and hiding it in a wardrobe isn't cleaning. It's hiding the mess.

Not having that one. That is just extrapolating your experience of one (a few) women to mean all women. Its the reverse in ours

[Mook]

What is it with women not being able to tell the difference between clean and tidy.

 

Picking up all the crap around the place and hiding it in a wardrobe isn't cleaning. It's hiding the mess.

 

It's the emptying the contents of their handbag all over the living room every night that does my head in.

[lifetime fan]

Not having that one. That is just extrapolating your experience of one (a few) women to mean all women. Its the reverse in ours

It's women.

[Champ]

It's women.

Not this one

[Carvalho Diablo]

Coco was a cunt 

 

I've got a mate called Coco.

 

He said he got the nickname from his old council workmates cos he was always slurping hot chocolate on his breaks, everybody else knows it's because he's a total fucking clown.

 

And Stig mut be psychic, cos the bell end is a right cunt too.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Not this one

 

Don't make me accidentally neg you on purpose again woman.

[Champ]

Don't make me accidentally neg you on purpose again woman.

It'll be that cock between my legs that's to blame again

[Carvalho Diablo]

It'll be that cock between my legs that's to blame again

 

{Logs out}

[VladimirIlyich]

It'll be that cock between my legs that's to blame again

Ive always said women are excellent at multi tasking.

[PestiRed]

Making a beautiful spiced tomato and lentil soup for the weekend but the missus is ill and doesn't want anything spicy or with tomatoes or lentils. I don't mind as this will also give me the opportunity to put a little bit of bacon in it. So I have offered to make a separate soup for her illness. After going through a list of potential recipes, all have been rejected as containing the wrong type of flavouring, even including parsley or vegetable stock. She given me some instructions as to what she wants. Basically she has decided that I should boil some vegetables in water and, instead of draining them, I should call it soup. Just so wrong

[Fowlers God]

Just been to the pub after a certain sporting event, early game kicks off and the bar maid asks what the observation of the minute silence was for, before she pipped us saying "it's ok lads don't tell me, its for that twin towers thing on 9/11 or something, isn't it?"

[lifetime fan]

They're just all vengeful, spiteful horrible cunts.

 

At the step sisters wedding last night and the blokes was full so I used the birds bog. I'm dat there having a shit and can hear 3 snakes all slagging off the bride, her dress and everything else about the day.

 

I walk out the trap to see two of the snakes were bridesmaids. One of whom I'm stood next to at the bar later and she's slaggin off the other bridesmaid she was in cahoots with earlier.

 

They weren't even trying to be discreet about it. I don't even like my step sister so I'm not sticking up for her as she's a two faced cunt too.

 

Put anyone else down to make yourself feel better is a woman's attitude and it's plain nasty.

 

Compare that to a bloke who'll take the piss out of himself to make everyone laugh and enjoy himself.

 

Women are so fucking thin skinned and uncomfortable with themselves they have to see the faults in everyone else.

 

Horrible creatures.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*its a good job they have tits.

[Rico1304]

They're just all vengeful, spiteful horrible cunts.

At the step sisters wedding last night and the blokes was full so I used the birds bog. I'm dat there having a shit and can hear 3 snakes all slagging off the bride, her dress and everything else about the day.

I walk out the trap to see two of the snakes were bridesmaids. One of whom I'm stood next to at the bar later and she's slaggin off the other bridesmaid she was in cahoots with earlier.

They weren't even trying to be discreet about it. I don't even like my step sister so I'm not sticking up for her as she's a two faced cunt too.

Put anyone else down to make yourself feel better is a woman's attitude and it's plain nasty.

Compare that to a bloke who'll take the piss out of himself to make everyone laugh and enjoy himself.

Women are so fucking thin skinned and uncomfortable with themselves they have to see the faults in everyone else.

Horrible creatures.*

*its a good job they have tits.

I once went to a wedding and like you was having a lovely shit when the groom and best man came into the bogs and started talking about birds they'd both nailed on the stag do. The bride was a lovely girl and I was gutted for her, he was a cock so when I shagged her at their house a few weeks later I happily cleaned my teeth with his toothbrush afterwards.

[Guest davelfc]

I once went to a wedding and like you was having a lovely shit when the groom and best man came into the bogs and started talking about birds they'd both nailed on the stag do. The bride was a lovely girl and I was gutted for her, he was a cock so when I shagged her at their house a few weeks later I happily cleaned my teeth with his toothbrush afterwards.

 

You're thinking using his toothbrush was the killer part of that statement? 

[Trumo]

I once went to a wedding and like you was having a lovely shit when the groom and best man came into the bogs and started talking about birds they'd both nailed on the stag do. The bride was a lovely girl and I was gutted for her, he was a cock so when I shagged her at their house a few weeks later I happily cleaned my teeth with his toothbrush afterwards.

 

Sounds like they're made for one another to be honest.

[Carvalho Diablo]

19 year old plans to have sex across China

 

 

http://xxtakeover.irsty1.com/world-news/19-year-old-plans-to-have-sex-across-china/?uid=xxtakeover&source=facebook

[Section_31]

That awkward moment when a woman comes back to her desk following a long absence and EVERYONE knows she's been for a shite. 

[Lucky Pierre]

Me: "There may be some good deals on black Friday for that PS4."

 

Her: "But I might be in work, what day is it on?"

[Harry Squatter]

In our place every year we have a two minutes silence for Hillsborough and Remembrance Day. The fire alarm sounds off to signal the start and then the end. Woman next to me has worked in our place since we moved buildings to the one I'm in now. Yesterday the fire alarm went and she got up, got her coat and umbrella and started moaning about the fire alarm going off and the way it takes ages to get back in the building, didn't even realise that the office of 150 people was sitting there in total silence.

[General Dryness]

That awkward moment when a woman comes back to her desk following a long absence and EVERYONE knows she's been for a shite. 

 

Usually followed by a cloud of perfume mixed with the smell of copius amounts of liquid soap.

[Carvalho Diablo]

[Section_31]

Just convinced one of the young girls in the office that Levi Roots was in Predator 2. 

 

"He wasn't!"

 

"He was."

 

"Was he?" 

 

"Yes."

 

"He wasn't" 

 

"He was." 

 

"Was he?"

 

"Yes." 

 

"Oh my god."

 

I find this line of discussion can convince suitably young and naive girls of anything, including the non pain of bumming.

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

Whenever my missus draws the curtains she always pulls down ragging on them for some reason. I've been saying for 18 months that you'll end up dragging them down to which I get told to stop patronising her.

 

Came down today and low and behold half the rail is hanging off the wall. I just looked at her and got a tirade of abuse about how it wasn't her fail and that I shouldn't blame her.

 

 

[Carvalho Diablo]

Whenever my missus draws the curtains she always pulls down ragging on them for some reason. I've been saying for 18 months that you'll end up dragging them down to which I get told to stop patronising her.

 

Came down today and low and behold half the rail is hanging off the wall. I just looked at her and got a tirade of abuse about how it wasn't her fail and that I shouldn't blame her.

 

[RJ Fan club]

Despite the this winter and last being warm (thus far anyway), the usual moaning about the cold and need for the heating to be on, has come around again.

 

Heating a room is an easy fucking concept, turn up the heating, yep she can manage that one.

 

Keeping a room warm is fucking alien though. Multiple doors left open, draught excluder never moved back to cover foot of the door and any door or window insulation is 'ugly'.

 

For someone who is so cold, why can't they close the fucking doors behind them?