The world of a woman.

[A Red]

8 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

The beautiful checkout girl probably knew she was an orange bastard. 

Shes just obliviously C of E and doesnt give a fuck. This is DESPITE ME FUCKING TELLING HER!!!!

[Special K]

On 24/12/2020 at 11:27, littletedwest said:

She's a patterdale terrier. She's a pet but you can tell she has that instinct in her

We've got 3 schnauzers, always running after mice in the back garden. Yappy little nobheads

[Bruce Spanner]

10 hours ago, littletedwest said:

I did once put tomato sauce on my roast dinner but I was six at the time

My brother did this once, says he can still feel the slap my grandmother gave him 20+ years later, and quite rightly too.

[Paulie Dangerously]

11 hours ago, Remmie said:

I spent hours making a nicely seasoned Xmas dinner, roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings were just right. My wife and mother in law proceeded to slather it with ketchup.

 

There needs to be a new section in the grounds for divorce papers for doing that. 

Jesus H Christ. 

[Chip Butty]

11 hours ago, Remmie said:

I spent hours making a nicely seasoned Xmas dinner, roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings were just right. My wife and mother in law proceeded to slather it with ketchup.

 

There needs to be a new section in the grounds for divorce papers for doing that. 

 Kitty don't bite once she's been fed, eh lover. 

[VladimirIlyich]

13 hours ago, Remmie said:

I spent hours making a nicely seasoned Xmas dinner, roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings were just right. My wife and mother in law proceeded to slather it with ketchup.

 

There needs to be a new section in the grounds for divorce papers for doing that. 

Filthy behaviour. You might just as well as fed them beans while you ate a real meal.

[Trumo]

18 hours ago, Remmie said:

I spent hours making a nicely seasoned Xmas dinner, roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings were just right. My wife and mother in law proceeded to slather it with ketchup.

 

There needs to be a new section in the grounds for divorce papers for doing that. 

 

I blame the break-up of the Soviet Union for this indulgence in Western decadence.

[Bjornebye]

If you ever want the most obscure cleaning jobs in the house doing, get yourself in the dog-house. Somehow it's my fault for getting blind drunk and being emotional last night after holding my mothers ashes on Boxing Day, staying up till 5am and sleeping in until 3. But..... and this will take some beating on here..... she's cleaned underneath the dining table. Oh and left the pledge and duster on the table. As a warning, clearly. 

 

I'm gonna sit on a bottle of vodka next week and hope she sorts the spare room out. 

[easytoslip]

Some years ago we were scaffolding Draculas ride in Chessington Zoo, I said to the bird at the time that it was weird hearing Lions roaring now and again when your working, she asked me if I got danger money. 

[Elite]

45 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

Some years ago we were scaffolding Draculas ride in Chessington Zoo, I said to the bird at the time that it was weird hearing Lions roaring now and again when your working, she asked me if I got danger money. 

It'd be the vampires I'd be worried about.

[VladimirIlyich]

Just now, Elite said:

It'd be the vampires I'd be worried about.

Only if you're working nights.

[Harry Squatter]

A lad I know has two kids and basically has done nothing with his life for the past seven years. His bird always seems to be out and was on Facebook again the other night out with her mates.

 

We were talking about things we'd like to do if this pandemic shite ever gets sorted. I said I'd love to back to Argentina to watch Boca V River or to Las Vegas again.

 

He told his bird that he would love to do the Inca trail in Peru but when she realised that he would be away for over a week she went mad and said no fucking chance. She's been away to Benidorm, Ibiza and Newcastle in the last couple of years and managed to maintain almost a single woman's social life since they've had kids. But now she says fuck off to one of his lifetime ambitions.

 

Can't see that one lasting long.

 

 

[Trumo]

15 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

A lad I know has two kids and basically has done nothing with his life for the past seven years. His bird always seems to be out and was on Facebook again the other night out with her mates.

 

We were talking about things we'd like to do if this pandemic shite ever gets sorted. I said I'd love to back to Argentina to watch Boca V River or to Las Vegas again.

 

He told his bird that he would love to do the Inca trail in Peru but when she realised that he would be away for over a week she went mad and said no fucking chance. She's been away to Benidorm, Ibiza and Newcastle in the last couple of years and managed to maintain almost a single woman's social life since they've had kids. But now she says fuck off to one of his lifetime ambitions.

 

Can't see that one lasting long.

 

It's the hipster chav kids you have to worry about.

[VladimirIlyich]

5 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

A lad I know has two kids and basically has done nothing with his life for the past seven years. His bird always seems to be out and was on Facebook again the other night out with her mates.

 

We were talking about things we'd like to do if this pandemic shite ever gets sorted. I said I'd love to back to Argentina to watch Boca V River or to Las Vegas again.

 

He told his bird that he would love to do the Inca trail in Peru but when she realised that he would be away for over a week she went mad and said no fucking chance. She's been away to Benidorm, Ibiza and Newcastle in the last couple of years and managed to maintain almost a single woman's social life since they've had kids. But now she says fuck off to one of his lifetime ambitions.

 

Can't see that one lasting long.

 

 

She's defo shagging somebody else by the sounds of that.

[A Red]

Going to the front door means going from the old part to new part of our house, which for me requires ducking slightly. Not a problem, I'm used to it. She has now put a "mind your head sign" which now means every time I walk through I hit it with my head.

[VladimirIlyich]

20 minutes ago, A Red said:

Going to the front door means going from the old part to new part of our house, which for me requires ducking slightly. Not a problem, I'm used to it. She has now put a "mind your head sign" which now means every time I walk through I hit it with my head.

Dont say you werent warned.

[easytoslip]

The mates missus had to pick us up from work once, she said to him what does that firm build  Port tak bin. 

[Elite]

5 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

The mates missus had to pick us up from work once, she said to him what does that firm build  Port tak bin. 

Well?

[easytoslip]

32 minutes ago, Elite said:

Well?

Why portakabins, doesn't matter its one of those things when you had to be there, doesn't come across in text I suppose, forget it. 

[General Dryness]

47 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

The mates missus had to pick us up from work once, she said to him what does that firm build  Port tak bin. 

 

45 minutes ago, Elite said:

Well?

Chill mate, slippy obviously doesn't know that "port tak bin" is thai for "stupid bitch".

[Captain Turdseye]

I occasionally wonder to myself if I’m the most dense person on here but then I see a conversation involving Easytoslip and realise that there are levels to this game. 

[easytoslip]

6 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I occasionally wonder to myself if I’m the most dense person on here but then I see a conversation involving Easytoslip and realise that there are levels to this game. 

Cheers mate, good company. 

[Captain Turdseye]

It’s one of those things when you had to be there. 

[Section_31]

"I'm just gonna open the windows for a bit and air the place out."

 

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

There needs to be a clause in the, "Do you want anything to drink?" which stipulates that anything that takes longer to make than the drink I am making is not eligible. 

 

Every time I go to get a glass or water I get stuck making a cup of tea.  This means my 30 second round trip to hydrate my body becomes a 5 minute, multistep epic of filling the kettle, turning it on, mug out, tea bag in mug, wait for kettle to boil, pour water in the mug, wait appropriate brewing time, remove tea bag, go to fridge, get milk out, pour milk, stir tea, put milk away.  All I was going to do was to turn the tap on, fill a glass and drink it. 

 

It's the same with alcohol.  I'll go and get myself a beer and end up having to make a G&T with garnishes or a rum and coke with crushed lime.  

 

I'm calling it lads, I'm just not going to offer anymore.