Slapper Stories

[Paulie Dangerously]

I think this thread teaches us one thing.

 

Women are dirty. Especially women from the Wirral

[Randy Marsh]

That is superb. It also reminds me of a particular experience of my own, but I won't speak of it.

 

Oh you big tease, can't leave it there....

[Yerma'satexan!]

I was out in Stavanger in Norway last night and my Irish mate copped off with some hot young Norwegian single mum. Anyways, he gets back to hers and she got a stipper pole in her living room, photocopied dollar bills scattered all over the floor and a paddling pool in the middle of the room. He said it the best and maddest shag he'd ever had.

[Guest jay]

I'm not from Liverpool and don't follow footie much, but I found this 'thread' on the internet 'cos me and mi mates have heard it's a great night out so we're coming over in a few weeks to for a night out, and I wanted some advice about Liverpool birds..

 

Can anyone help?

 

Like where to go for a nice quiet drink in the afternoon, where to go to chat to nice classy birds, then when that fails (as it always does), where to go to find the slappers who are up for a bit?

 

I have a story for you anyway from over here in Sheffield:

 

This was back in about '94 or '95. Me and the lads went to a club in Sheffield and 2 of mi mates got a dance with some tarts. The 2 lasses asked mi mates back to theirs, one of their's mum n dad were on holiday and they had the house to themselves.. One of mi mates was up for it but the other said 'no thanks', basically because the bird he'd got with had a face like a dead cod. So I steps in and says 'I'm up for it', like you do, well, a fanny's a fanny right!

 

We get a cab and we're back at theirs chatting and drinking, and before long my mate disappears into a bedroom with his catch of the day. The bird I was with, classy girl, turns to me and says 'do you wanna get me in bed too'... Well, yes.

 

We pop into another bedroom and I give her what for, you know, like a gentleman I start with licking her front bum (which was totally hair free, praise the fuckin lord!!), then she pops down on me, jeez she cudda suck started a Harley Davidson! Then we do the deed and all's well with the world.. We're laying there sort of grinning in the after-glow of a decent shag.. then I said 'what's your name by the way'.. which wasn't the best thing to say at the time I admit but it just sort of popped out because I'd never asked her... She went potty and said 'do you think I'm some sort of slapper or something?'.. So I just shrugged my shoulders because. well, I didn't know her at all did I.. This got her really going and she chucked me out the bedroom into the hallway...

 

I scratched mi balls and walked into the bathroom where my mate was washing his dick.. 'CHRIST!' I says, 'LOOK AT YOUR FUCKIN BACK!' He twisted and looked in the mirror, and the bird he'd been shagging had ripped into him with her finger nails like no ones business.. BIG parallel scratches all over his back that you could tell were gonna take weeks to heal and disappear...

'Oh bollocks' he says...

It was about 6am and daylight so we decided to exit stage right and fuck off.. We grabbed our stuff and bogged-off down the road and got a cab... I got out at my mum and dads pad, he went back to his mum and dads, where his fiance was waiting with a face like fuckin thunder... 'Where the fuck have you been!!' etc. etc.

His white shirt by now had blood on it from all the scratches, she saw it and ripped it off his back...

She went fucking ballistic and kicked him out of the bedroom... his mum and dad came out of their bedroom to find out what all the hoo-hah was about and saw the scratches, which didn't go down too well as they'd already bought their wedding outfits.. While this is going on his fiance is still in the bedroom, has got the scissors out and is cutting up his wedding suit.. She doesn't stop there though, she cuts up his other work suits and all his shirts and ties, boxer shorts, the fuckin lot.

She comes out of the bedroom carrying a huge pile of rags, chucks them at him, fucks off and that was the end of that.

 

Really good night out, enjoyed it!

[The-Sir]

Tell you what, thats one hell of a first post. Welcome!

[melons]

1st post and you're a keeper. Welcome to the GF!

[23_Carra_Gold]

It's spelt 'my'

[Irishlad]

What did you put in the search engine to find this thread? :whistle:

[Furmedge]

What did you put in the search engine to find this thread? :whistle:

 

I thought the exact same. Good boy, searching for the essential know how of any major city.

[WaltonRed]

Thats a bit of a shit story but welcome!

[The Special One]

Hahahahahaha.

[Guest jay]

What did you put in the search engine to find this thread? :whistle:

I searched "Liverpool slags" on Google and this came right up at the top..

Edited July 14, 2010 by jay

[Irishlad]

I searched "Liverpool slags" on Google and this came right up at the top..

 

Good man :yes:

[dirty_sanchez]

That's a credit to this site that we're the number one source for Liverpool slags!

[melons]

yeah, i had to google, it showed the Aintree slags thread, Tesco pyjamas slags thread and biggest slags in the country.

 

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/forum/gf-general-forum/89356-biggest-slags-country.html

 

I liked that thread,

[Faustus]

This happened to us a few months back. Not sure if it says more about me or the girl in question.

 

I was absolutely bevvied in Bumper one night and lost my mates, so I got speaking to this ugly, fat girl at the bar. Anyway, despite her looks, she was quite sound, even if her shit Lancastrian accent was doing my head in. I got the impression that she fancied me and given that she looked like the creature from the Black Lagoon, I thought to myself 'I'm happy just talking to her, but if she makes a move then I'll go along with it' because I hadn't had it in months.

 

Next thing, she does indeed make a move, so we're there at the bar in Bumper necking and we go outside. She keeps going on at me to take her home, but I don't really feel like it, given that I don't really fancy my mum or dad seeing her in the morning. Plus, I'd like them to think I've got standards as well. I then convinced her to head to my old student digs around the corner, even though I hadn't lived there in two years, because I'd convinced her that there was a 'party' going on (first thing I could think of) and I could get her.

 

We head to my old digs and stand there loitering round, knocking on a couple of doors and we have no joy, so we start necking again on the stairs. Next thing, I'm fingering her and then she starts sucking me off and before I know it, I'm goosing her on the steps in the stairwell of my old student halls.

 

Just shot off straight after that. She was fucking grim, but you've got to do what you've got to do. Pulled an absolute fitty from Speke two weeks later so sometimes it helps to get back in the swing of things.

[WaltonRed]

Ha ha if you dont use it Liam you lose it.

 

Fair play to you.

[razor]

I am a predatory paedophile, but am pug-ugly. What I do to get my kicks is have a shave, put an ill-fitting frock on and hang around the Bumper Bar about chucking-out time waiting for drunk students who refuse to draw a blank.

 

There was this one kid the other week who starts giving me some line about "going back to a house party". I knew exactly what was going on!

 

Anyway, I gets him to go into this student digs building and give him exactly what for right there on the stairs.

 

It didn't take him long to work out what was happening, but we just carried on like everything was normal between a boy and a "girl"! When I'd finished, he made me promise that if anybody asked he was doing the giving, and I just laughed along.

 

These teenagers!

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I am absoluely gassed and could easily have added to thid thread but for some ma dreaso, i swerved it anmd met the irl that I kind of love right noe, the wholethingsd weird eee feel sick , anyway .

[Remmie]

I am absoluely gassed and could easily have added to thid thread but for some ma dreaso, i swerved it anmd met the irl that I kind of love right noe, the wholethingsd weird eee feel sick , anyway .

I have no idea what this means, all I can say is

 

. Lad.

[melons]

I am absoluely gassed and could easily have added to thid thread but for some ma dreaso, i swerved it anmd met the irl that I kind of love right noe, the wholethingsd weird eee feel sick , anyway .

 

Flipping heck Zeek, i was only there for a couple of hours. You can't of fallen for me already? ♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(ha get me, i did one of those hearty things!)

[Spy Bee]

I'm hoping to have some stories for this thread over the next few months!

[TheBitch]

Spibs, have I missed something? Yours missus and Haiti? She's going back? She not so ace now? She not missus Spibs now?

 

I like to keep up to date with my fellow forumites.

[Randy Marsh]

This happened to us a few months back. Not sure if it says more about me or the girl in question.

 

I was absolutely bevvied in Bumper one night and lost my mates, so I got speaking to this ugly, fat girl at the bar. Anyway, despite her looks, she was quite sound, even if her shit Lancastrian accent was doing my head in. I got the impression that she fancied me and given that she looked like the creature from the Black Lagoon, I thought to myself 'I'm happy just talking to her, but if she makes a move then I'll go along with it' because I hadn't had it in months.

 

Next thing, she does indeed make a move, so we're there at the bar in Bumper necking and we go outside. She keeps going on at me to take her home, but I don't really feel like it, given that I don't really fancy my mum or dad seeing her in the morning. Plus, I'd like them to think I've got standards as well. I then convinced her to head to my old student digs around the corner, even though I hadn't lived there in two years, because I'd convinced her that there was a 'party' going on (first thing I could think of) and I could get her.

 

We head to my old digs and stand there loitering round, knocking on a couple of doors and we have no joy, so we start necking again on the stairs. Next thing, I'm fingering her and then she starts sucking me off and before I know it, I'm goosing her on the steps in the stairwell of my old student halls.

 

Just shot off straight after that. She was fucking grim, but you've got to do what you've got to do. Pulled an absolute fitty from Speke two weeks later so sometimes it helps to get back in the swing of things.

 

Class that, and reminded me of a landmark occasion in my career.

 

2 years ago we where on an all dayer in Seacombe for my mates birthday, ended up over in town. I was fuckin rat arsed as I'd be on the Stella since about 2pm. Anyway, got talking to some bird who in my wrecked state looked half decent. Ended up being pinned against the wall by her for most of the night, before we sloped off in search of a fuckin hotel! Yes, a fuckin hotel! Wandered off down the Dock Road, knocked on all of them down there, The Campanile, Formula 1 etc, every single one of them was full. Didn't have a clue why, thought I'd have been able to get a room no bother. Not to worry, picked up a taxi and back over to mine where I was slotting her in our back room with all the family sound asleep upstairs. And now comes the moment that changed me forever....

 

As I'm ragging it and I could see the sun creaping in over the trees, I took a look at her and suddenly sobered up like I'd been struck by a bolt of lightning. At once, I realised what an absolute camel I had brought home. Awful she was. Within a minute I had pulled out and told her she needed to get off as the family would be up soon. She wasn't too happy.This was my epiphany. Something changed, the penny dropped and I began to question my need to stoop so low. Am I that desperate? You know you've gone too low when a wank would give you more satisfaction. And to this day I've never went lower. I've been fuckin low like, but not that low.

 

Realised the next day why all the hotels where booked up. It was The Open in Birkdale! Thank fuckin christ for that, or I'd have woken up traumatised and 50quid worse off!

[Spy Bee]

Spibs, have I missed something? Yours missus and Haiti? She's going back? She not so ace now? She not missus Spibs now?

 

I like to keep up to date with my fellow forumites.

 

I don't know if she;'s going back. I'm still impressed at what she did in Haiti, but the wedding is off we're no longer a couple.

 

Haiti was a strain and just worked as an accelerator in bringing things to a head. Thank fuck it did, or this could have all happened when we were married.