Instant cunt identifiers

[Captain Turdseye]

13 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Spelling included. It’s the bane of your life. Maybe you were making a clever joke though ? 

Obviously you don’t suffer fools gladly. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Just now, Colonel Kurtz said:

I wouldn’t come on here if I didn’t. 

You don’t come on her to be fucked at. 

[Anubis]

One for Section.

 

https://mobile.twitter.com/hashtag/fuckpeloton?lang=en

 

https://mobile.twitter.com/ClueHeywood/status/1089699762331217920

[Harry Squatter]

Anyone who has to mention that they do martial arts, boxing or any fights they have been in within a few moments of speaking to you.

 

Went the pub with my in laws the other week and one of my brother in laws mates turned up, within a few moments he was banging on about some fella attacking him with a hammer in a pub and how he smashed a chair over this fellas head. I thought that this was a recent occurrence but it transpired that it took place in 2004. 

 

No idea why he suddenly decided to tell me this other than to get me to go "you're dead hard you mate". Used to work with some lad who would tell everyone he was a black belt in Judo within 5 minutes of meeting someone.

 

 

[Bjornebye]

28 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Anyone who has to mention that they do martial arts, boxing or any fights they have been in within a few moments of speaking to you.

 

Went the pub with my in laws the other week and one of my brother in laws mates turned up, within a few moments he was banging on about some fella attacking him with a hammer in a pub and how he smashed a chair over this fellas head. I thought that this was a recent occurrence but it transpired that it took place in 2004. 

 

No idea why he suddenly decided to tell me this other than to get me to go "you're dead hard you mate". Used to work with some lad who would tell everyone he was a black belt in Judo within 5 minutes of meeting someone.

 

 

I'm glad Annie Road is still alive & kicking 

[Elite]

Just now, Bjornebye said:

I'm glad Annie Road is still alive & kicking 

Forgot about him. Why did he leave the forum again? Something controversial I recall.

[Harry Squatter]

26 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I'm glad Annie Road is still alive & kicking 

It was like having a pint with Steven French.

[Harry Squatter]

Add to that the "I've been in prison" brigade like you're supposed to be amazed how hard they are sitting in a cell all day for 3 months for some petty drug offence.

[easytoslip]

Also those that say, I used to do a bit of boxing. It's never I used to do a bit of table tennis or whatever. 

[Remmie]

8 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

It was like having a pint with Steven French.

[Captain Turdseye]

12 hours ago, Elite said:

Forgot about him. Why did he leave the forum again? Something controversial I recall.

Reclaiming the N word for us white folk. 

[Champ]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Reclaiming the N word for us white folk. 

Oops. Sent in error

[Elite]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Reclaiming the N word for us white folk. 

Vaguely remember now.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

4 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Double barrelled names particularly if neither name is historically significant. I can imagine if I married a Rothschild (if only) she’d want to keep the name but when a bloke from Kwik Fit marries a women off the deli counter at Sainsbury’s and they call themselves mr and mrs Smith - Wilson, it’s just wank.  

Trent and Alex disagree.

[KMD7]

On 07/10/2020 at 18:43, Elite said:

Forgot about him. Why did he leave the forum again? Something controversial I recall.

A bit racey i think. More than once as well.

[Bruce Spanner]

I’m not against double barrel as a rule, but for some irrational reason Johnson-Thompson really fucking irritates me as a name.

 

She seems lovely though and I’m aware that I’m the dickhead here not her parents.

[Dougie Do'ins]

2 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

I’m not against double barrel as a rule, but for some irrational reason Johnson-Thompson really fucking irritates me as a name.

 

She seems lovely though and I’m aware that I’m the dickhead here not her parents.

I can never remember which name comes first.

[Bruce Spanner]

2 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

I can never remember which name comes first.

Alphabetical order, I know, I’ve thought about this name, a lot! 

[KMD7]

10 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

I can never remember which name comes first.

KJT , that's how I remember it. 

[Section_31]

Anyone who's proud of how early they wake up.

 

"Knackered me, I was up at six."

 

"That's a lie in for me."

 

What do you want for that, a hand job? That's your fault for being a dick head.

[Mook]

On 08/10/2020 at 14:32, Colonel Kurtz said:

Double barrelled names particularly if neither name is historically significant. I can imagine if I married a Rothschild (if only) she’d want to keep the name but when a bloke from Kwik Fit marries a women off the deli counter at Sainsbury’s and they call themselves mr and mrs Smith - Wilson, it’s just wank.  

Absolute nightmare trying to find these people on a system if you work in an office too.

[Curly]

42 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Anyone who's proud of how early they wake up.

 

"Knackered me, I was up at six."

 

"That's a lie in for me."

 

What do you want for that, a hand job? That's your fault for being a dick head.

This is spot on. Add to that the cunts constantly banging the drum about how hard they work, how little time off they have and so on. It’s a fucking choice you tits.

 

Also, when you say to someone “we’ve been watching The Fall on Netflix. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for something to watch” and they go “I wish mate. Not enough hours in the day for box sets now. Those days are gone”

[Section_31]

7 minutes ago, belarus said:

This is spot on. Add to that the cunts constantly banging the drum about how hard they work, how little time off they have and so on. It’s a fucking choice you tits.

 

Also, when you say to someone “we’ve been watching The Fall on Netflix. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for something to watch” and they go “I wish mate. Not enough hours in the day for box sets now. Those days are gone”

I think it all ties into this thing about hard work being the key to self worth and achievement, which we all know isn't true. 

 

Some lad I used to work with in a bar was bankrolled by his dad for shit like cars and money for nights out, and I asked him how he got so minted and he just goes "hard, work!". The bar manager jumps in and goes "yep, it's all about the hard work." Both of them (and me) frequently did 12 hours shifts for minimum wage. 

 

Personally I'm more impressed by blaggers. Someone who cobbles an app together that doesn't even work, flogs the rights to Citibank and retires to Barbados before they're 40 is more impressive to me.

[easytoslip]

22 minutes ago, belarus said:

This is spot on. Add to that the cunts constantly banging the drum about how hard they work, how little time off they have and so on. It’s a fucking choice you tits.

 

Also, when you say to someone “we’ve been watching The Fall on Netflix. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for something to watch” and they go “I wish mate. Not enough hours in the day for box sets now. Those days are gone”

Once I was in a taxi on Xmas eve going home about 8.30 when I noticed the fare had gone up by half, I said it's only 8.30, he said its Xmas eve and I've got wife and kids and I'm working and don't need to be doing this. 

So why was he? Obviously to earn the extra cash and that's his choice, I refused to pay any extra so he took me to a police station on the way, which was closed, I threw him a tenner and walked the last couple of miles. 

A cunt taking the piss and a greedy one at that, a real martyr for working Xmas eve when he should be with his family. 

I told my mate who ran the pub and he said if he had come in I'd of charged him £5 for a pint, it was £2.50 at the time, as I'm working behind the bar. 

Whilst I could never do that job and I know a few drivers so fair play to them, some of them are fuckin ' arseholes. 

[Curly]

34 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

Once I was in a taxi on Xmas eve going home about 8.30 when I noticed the fare had gone up by half, I said it's only 8.30, he said its Xmas eve and I've got wife and kids and I'm working and don't need to be doing this. 

So why was he? Obviously to earn the extra cash and that's his choice, I refused to pay any extra so he took me to a police station on the way, which was closed, I threw him a tenner and walked the last couple of miles. 

A cunt taking the piss and a greedy one at that, a real martyr for working Xmas eve when he should be with his family. 

I told my mate who ran the pub and he said if he had come in I'd of charged him £5 for a pint, it was £2.50 at the time, as I'm working behind the bar. 

Whilst I could never do that job and I know a few drivers so fair play to them, some of them are fuckin ' arseholes. 

They are mate. None more so than the black cab drivers in London. Protesting against Uber under some veiled reasoning, when actually it was because they weren’t able to monopolise the market and charge fucking ridiculous prices due to the fact they had “done the knowledge”, which they make out as being akin to getting a Masters in Astro Physics (I’m not sure that even a real subject).

 

Going back to the “I work so hard” crew. There are some that do blast out ridiculous hours and multiple jobs to achieve a certain level of life for their families or whatever reason, but they don’t mention it. It’s like Section says, there seems to be this mindset now that it’s the key to self worth. It’s what is majorly wrong about LinkedIn - that it promotes all that shite.