The world of a woman.

[Elite]

Girl in work reckons your intestines if unravelled could wrap around the surface of the earth.

[Mark M]

3 minutes ago, Elite said:

Girl in work reckons your intestines if unravelled could wrap around the surface of the earth.

Is it Gemma Collins ?

[Bobby Hundreds]

12 minutes ago, Elite said:

Girl in work reckons your intestines if unravelled could wrap around the surface of the earth.

Fucking hell you'd be shitting out snacks that where discontinued in the 70s

[sir roger]

8 hours ago, manwiththestick said:

The way they panic when their car petrol comes on, for example, this morning:

 

Her (running late for work): How far is it from here to my work?

Me: I'm not sure, 8 miles maybe?

Her: I think it's less than that.

Me: Maybe it is, I've never been there so it was just a guess.

Her: Yeah, I think it's about 6 miles.

Me: Why you asking?

Her: Because my fuel light has come on and if I stop for petrol on the way to workI'm going to be even later?

Me: How many miles left does it say on the dash?

Her: 35.

Me: Plenty that, you can go to work, come home and probaly do the same tomorrow if you wanted.

Her: Don't think I'll risk it, I guess I will have to get some on the way and be even later.*huffs, puffs and legs it out of the house*

We are the opposite, I start panicking as soon as the light comes on while she would ideally glide into a garage on the fumes.

[TheBitch]

On 20/09/2022 at 11:53, Bobby Hundreds said:

Fucking hell you'd be shitting out snacks that where discontinued in the 70s

Pretty sure Moanero still is. 

[Captain Willard]

22 hours ago, sir roger said:

We are the opposite, I start panicking as soon as the light comes on while she would ideally glide into a garage on the fumes.

I was away for a week last year and Mrs Willard rang in a panic to ask how thd petrol cap opened. We had owned that car for 2 years at that point. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

On 20/09/2022 at 11:40, Elite said:

Girl in work reckons your intestines if unravelled could wrap around the surface of the earth.

That is brilliant.

[sir roger]

2 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

I was away for a week last year and Mrs Willard rang in a panic to ask how thd petrol cap opened. We had owned that car for 2 years at that point. 

My wife has been driving for 34 years and I am pretty sure she has never put water or oil into any of the myriad of cars we have owned.

[Captain Willard]

Mrs Willard, jeans, washing machine and her I pod earphones. Not an ideal combination. 

[Paulie Dangerously]

MrsD spent £30 on some CBD oil for the dog to calm her down with the fireworks. It was recommended to her by our dog sitter who, by a tremendous stroke of luck, happened to sell it. 

 

CBD oil...for the dog. 

[VladimirIlyich]

48 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

MrsD spent £30 on some CBD oil for the dog to calm her down with the fireworks. It was recommended to her by our dog sitter who, by a tremendous stroke of luck, happened to sell it. 

 

CBD oil...for the dog. 

Its shit for most. Snake Oil,in my experience.

[sir roger]

2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

MrsD spent £30 on some CBD oil for the dog to calm her down with the fireworks. It was recommended to her by our dog sitter who, by a tremendous stroke of luck, happened to sell it. 

 

CBD oil...for the dog. 

I thought the daughter was bad, buying bottled water for the dog.

[Captain Turdseye]

3 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

MrsD spent £30 on some CBD oil for the dog to calm her down with the fireworks. It was recommended to her by our dog sitter who, by a tremendous stroke of luck, happened to sell it. 

 

CBD oil...for the dog. 

 

Mine rang me from work yesterday, she was just about to buy new pillows, literally off the back of a van. £30 each or two for £50. She started reeling off all the things these amazing pillows help you with. Neck pain, insomnia, migraines, etc. When she got to about the tenth one I butted in and told her if I was going around in a van selling pillows, I’d write all that stuff on the packaging too. 

[sir roger]

1 minute ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

Mine rang me from work yesterday, she was just about to buy new pillows, literally off the back of a van. £30 each or two for £50. She started reeling off all the things these amazing pillows help you with. Neck pain, insomnia, migraines, etc. When she got to about the tenth one I butted in and told her if I was going around in a van selling pillows, I’d write all that stuff on the packaging too. 

Have they helped your sleep ?

[Captain Turdseye]

1 minute ago, sir roger said:

Have they helped your sleep ?

Dunno. I’m on the couch. 

[Bjornebye]

4 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Dunno. I’m on the couch. 

Hahahahaha

[lifetime fan]

[Captain Turdseye]

Not sure what thread this deserves to go in but I saw something fucking amazing on the road today. 
 

I was waiting to pull out onto the road and a little old lady went zooming past in a battered old Fiat Panda. Dunno how fast she was going but it was well over 30mph. I pulled onto the road behind her and a little way further up the street is one of those raised zebra crossings. Like a massive speed bump basically. 
 

She didn’t slow down one bit! She ended up literally airborne and when she came back down I could see the car wobbling a bit as she fought to keep control. 
 

I was pissing myself laughing and was a little bit gutted when she went a different way to me over the roundabout at the end of the street, still going way too fast as she went across it. 

[VladimirIlyich]

12 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Not sure what thread this deserves to go in but I saw something fucking amazing on the road today. 
 

I was waiting to pull out onto the road and a little old lady went zooming past in a battered old Fiat Panda. Dunno how fast she was going but it was well over 30mph. I pulled onto the road behind her and a little way further up the street is one of those raised zebra crossings. Like a massive speed bump basically. 
 

She didn’t slow down one bit! She ended up literally airborne and when she came back down I could see the car wobbling a bit as she fought to keep control. 
 

I was pissing myself laughing and was a little bit gutted when she went a different way to me over the roundabout at the end of the street, still going way too fast as she went across it. 

I'm pissing myself just reading that. 

[Bjornebye]

Rumour has it she’s still going 

[Trumo]

13 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I was pissing myself laughing and was a little bit gutted when she went a different way to me over the roundabout at the end of the street, still going way too fast as she went across it. 

 

[Bjornebye]

She’s a dopey twat. I’ve always had a soft spot for Benfica since I was a kid and told her to grab me a badge when she was in Lisbon last week. Forgot I’d asked anyway she’s just found a little wrapped up pressie in her bag “oh I got you something I completely forgot!”

[Harry Squatter]

I love the way loads of women go on about men being jealous and insecure. Just ask one of them to go to Hooters for dinner and see what type of response you'll get. 

 

[Pete]

3 hours ago, Harry Squatter said:

I love the way loads of women go on about men being jealous and insecure. Just ask one of them to go to Hooters for dinner and see what type of response you'll get. 

 

Prefer AC/DC's version myself. 

[littletedwest]

Been doing a stadium tour at a certain sporting institution today.

Took a picture of the ian rush mural.

Showed it to her when I got home. " is that Hitler?"

This wasn't a joke she genuinely believed someone had a mural of Hitler on the side of their house. Despite the fact the lower picture has him in a football kit.