Cheating the reaper!!!

[Guest Slim(fast)Shady]

or closest to death in daft ways...

 

Me twice what i rememeber..

 

Ibiza...1st night there i wake in the morning...lost me trainers and prescription sunglasses...buggered for the week..i buy a pair of flip flops (FFS)...me and a pal in a chill out bar decide to walk further along the coast....down a single track and a bush seperating us from a sheer drop onto rocks below...being shit scared of hights i 'm thinking "don't fall over" so what do i do...i stumble...through the bush and barely hang on to a branch...women screaming as this fat fooker nearly fell through...down...and gone!:eek:

 

 

on way to see OASIS me and 5 pals are in a taxi...well oiled on a 9% slush puppy stuff i'm outta the window giving itthe OASIS OASIS..a pal "have you got the tickets steevo"....."what" said i coming in from waist upwards out the window....a lorry then smacks into the side of cab taking out the wing mirror...and would've been me too! phew!

 

Others?:drool:

[fezzman]

Must lead a very charmed life, Mr Shady!

[Spy Bee]

You took one pair of trainers for a week? Are you a meff?

[Section_31]

The question is, are you on your way to becoming a veterinarian?

[Hooch]

I remember when I was 17 smoking a lot of weed one night and thinking I was going to die.

[Section_31]

I remember when I was 17 smoking a lot of weed one night and thinking I was going to die.

 

That's pretty piss poor as far as brushes with death go Hooch, I once got really pissed and started looking for my mother in a bottle skip around the back of Wetherspoons in Warrington, attracting the concerned attention of between 10-12 bouncers from neighbouring bars. Then proceeded to start dancing wildly in an R&B club in the middle of a group of tooled-up Gooch Close gang members from Manchester, who left very shortly afterwards while I continued to work my shit.

[Hooch]

That's pretty piss poor as far as brushes with death go Hooch, I once got really pissed and started looking for my mother in a bottle skip around the back of Wetherspoons in Warrington, attracting the concerned attention of between 10-12 bouncers from neighbouring bars. Then proceeded to start dancing wildly in an R&B club in the middle of a group of tooled-up Gooch Close gang members from Manchester, who left very shortly afterwards while I continued to work my shit.

 

Ha ha.

Now thats near death.

 

Why would your mother be in a skip behind a Weathers though??

 

Ps. I really did think I was going to die for a minute. Then I polished a large bag of cashew nuts and I was golden.

[Section_31]

Ha ha.

Now thats near death.

 

Why would your mother be in a skip behind a Weathers though??

 

Ps. I really did think I was going to die for a minute. Then I polished a large bag of cashew nuts and I was golden.

 

About six months earlier I'd been in a bad state in another club, thrown up, slipped on my own puke and chipped my tooth on the bog. At the time I remember thinking "fuck, how am I going to get home? I wish my mother could drive I could just give her a bell." Instead though I just wandered outside and fell asleep in the road, until some couple found me at about 4am and put me in a taxi.

 

 

So six months or so later, we'd been playing drinking games in some bird's house all day and I'd knocked back a litre of vodka plus assorted other shit. I was proper fucked and started thinking "shit I'm going to end up in a state again, I need to get a lift home."

 

I wandered outside and started looking for my mum. For whatever reason, I started looking in the bottle skips, throwing the bottles over my shoulder as I delved deeper, shouting: "Where the FUCK, is my mother!!?!?!"

 

The thought process which led to me looking in the skip though, is still a total mystery.

[Hooch]

About six months earlier I'd been in a bad state in another club, thrown up, slipped on my own puke and chipped my tooth on the bog. At the time I remember thinking "fuck, how am I going to get home? I wish my mother could drive I could just give her a bell." Instead though I just wandered outside and fell asleep in the road, until some couple found me at about 4am and put me in a taxi.

 

 

So six months or so later, we'd been playing drinking games in some bird's house all day and I'd knocked back a litre of vodka plus assorted other shit. I was proper fucked and started thinking "shit I'm going to end up in a state again, I need to get a lift home."

 

I wandered outside and started looking for my mum. For whatever reason, I started looking in the bottle skips, throwing the bottles over my shoulder as I delved deeper, shouting: "Where the FUCK, is my mother!!?!?!"

 

The thought process which led to me looking in the skip though, is still a total mystery.

 

You ever heard of a taxi?

[melons]

Quality level of piss up that Section.

 

Not near death, but i once fell out of the top bunk of a bed and remained asleep, not even a bruise to show.

 

I rolled the car with all the kids in a couple of years ago too, my youngest only woke up as we landed side on (after flipping at least twice so i'm told) and i had to shuffle him about to get him out of his car seat. The now 6 year old just looked at me with a serious pissed off look on her face. Oh and the only people with a bruise was myself and the eldest for the seatbelts.

[MAC5]

Had a dodgy pill in Cream one night and thought i was gonna die, a proper head fuck. Had a couple of astma attacks in my time aswell, the first one was when i was about 10 the doc said i was a couple of minutes away from falling into a coma like state, the second one was when i was in Tenerife now that was fucking scary.

[hamstrung]

Took some shrapnel in the butt in 'Nam.

[Steve Holt]

When I was ten my family were all at the beach, I'm talking aunts, uncles, cousins, gran, the lot. My cousins and I were all playing about in the water and I decided to sit in the rubber ring for a bit cos it was lovely and warm. I put my head back for what felt like a minute or so and when I looked up all the people on the beach were tiny. Strangely I thought nothing of it and jumped off the ring to wade back in to shore. But when I jumped off there was NOTHING under my feet. I just managed to grab the ring and haul myself back into it. I wasn't a strong swimmer by any stretch of the imagination. I began frantically paddling toward shore, but the tide was going out and I was getting farther and farther away. I had no idea but my whole family were going nuts on the shore, I was so far away I couldn't see or hear them. Two of my uncles had began to swim out toward me, but the tide was going out too quickly for them to catch up. Then out of nowhere a man came up to me on a jet-ski and took me back in to the shore and my frantic mum. I'm 22 now but I've never been back in the sea. If that guy on the jet-ski hadn't been there, I wouldn't have got back to shore.

 

That was a pretty stupid way to nearly die.

[Redder Lurtz]

Took it in the butt in 'Nam.

 

Sorted.

[Steve Holt]

Took it in the butt in 'Nam.

Sorted.

 

 

Took it in the butt 5 minutes ago.

 

Sorted again :P

[Dan Vito Corleone]

Had a dodgy pill in Cream one night and thought i was gonna die, a proper head fuck. Had a couple of astma attacks in my time aswell, the first one was when i was about 10 the doc said i was a couple of minutes away from falling into a coma like state, the second one was when i was in Tenerife now that was fucking scary.

 

Easily the most frightning thing I have ever experienced.

[ReddOrDedd]

Mine's not as good, but after a work Xmas do eight years ago, I was so bladdered I couldn't walk straight, and unsurprisingly, every taxi I hailed completely ignored me as I weaved on my merry way.

 

Suddenly, a cab pulls up opposite and a couple hop out, so I think, 'This is my chance!' and bolt out into the road to try and grab it before he can drive off. Next thing I know a car coming past at about 50mph hits me, but only with its side, if you see what I mean. I'm so bladdered I brush this off, as the most important thing lodged in my mind is getting into this cab. The cabbie has seen this whole incident and is looking at me goggle-eyed and asking if I'm alright, to which I assure him I'm absolutely fine.

 

Anyway, it's not till the next day when I wake up fully clothed that I realise that I was very nearly not absolutely fine. I look down at myself and my Paul Smith kagoul is more hole than jacket - the whole front has literally melted with the heat of the contact with the car, and I have a huge bruise where the jacket used to be.

 

Not as good as some of the other stories, I know, but that's the closest I've come, and these days I always 'look, look and look again', believe me.

[JohnnyH]

Was on holidays with the family when I was 4 or 5. My dad comes back in his Sunday best for going to dinner and my mother asks him where I was, but he thought I was with her. They look around, and then look in the pool where me mam was sitting beside and I'm at the bottom.

 

When my dad fished me out I was proper blue dead. Not breathing, eyes half open and blank. Had to get the whole kiss of lfe thing and everything.

 

I have no recollection

 

I was also in a plane crash (4 seater light aircraft) and came out of that fine.

[Guest Alix]

Cheating...?

You've obviously not seen Final Destination

[Section_31]

You ever heard of a taxi?

 

It's 20-30 quid though, I porked a fat bird not long ago purely to avoid paying it, as she offered to cook me breakfast and give me a lift the next day, prostitution basically.

 

 

Oh yeah, I was hanging out the back of a mini-bus when I was about three-four. Used to go to nursery and we were on our way to Chester Zoo with our parents, a lad called Craig pushed me and I fell against the back doors, they opened and I fell out, but his mother caught me by the ankle. I can still remember my head hanging close to the road as everyone screamed at the driver to stop, my most vivid memory was of being in absolute stitches. Good times.

[Hooch]

Seeing as we're being serious now, I suppose the closest I've came was shopping in the Strand with my Mum on the same day Jamie Buldger was taken and killed.

I was also exactly the same age, and a bit of "wander off-er type" of kid, so I thank God I never ran into those two animals that day.

[Joe Le Taxi]

I saw Purple Aki.

[airbags]

Im pretty sure I near came to my demise in Ibiza as well. Snowballs (Acid mixed with Ecstasy) taken at 4 am. Flight home was at 6 am. Estimated effect of snowballs - 18 hours.

 

There is losing your mind and then there is the cataclysmic mindfuck that I went through for those 18 - 24 hours. I couldn't walk as my limbs had all seized up and my arms and legs were going into tremors. Not the shakes just; but actualy massive attacks of wild flailing of both limbs. My mates then somehow managed by some miracle to get me through security with instructions not to open my mouth; they also made sure I didn't walk through with any metal because if they had started searching me, the game was up and I would surely have not been allowed on the flight. I got on the flight anyhow and could hear, clear as day my friends giving out about me. The only problem was that they were fast asleep; it was all in my head as was the incessant music that I had heard throughout the week. There was music playing in my head as clear as listening to a CD. I remember I was actually going to go up to the pilot at one stage and ask him to turn the radio down.

I was sitting on the bus back from the airport at around 12 pm convinced that my friends (who were all fast asleep) had teamed up with a couple of Spanish people to wreck my head. I kept hearing the clicking noise from a camera as if they were taking pictures of me and thought they were trying to splash me with water.

I just sat on my own for two hours saying over and over to no one in particular "I know what your doing; im not stupid."

 

I had the good sense when I got back that I wasn't fit to go home so with my mate in tow (who had taken them as well) marched straight up to Lidl without saying anything to our other mates (who had all turned against me of course) with our suitcases and bought two bottles of cider.

 

We then went straight to the closest spot where he could drink the cider in peace which appropiately enough happened to be a garden outside an asylum. I think we came pretty close a few times to checking ourselves in. The cider calmed me down eventually and I just treated the music as free radio as it faded gradually but fuck; never again!

 

It's funny now writing about it but holy fuck; at the time I was capable of anything. I really thought I was never going to come out of it and to be honest would have been liable to do anything if my mate hadn't been with me.

 

Never really been able to look drugs in the eye since that infamous day (except good ole poppers of course)

[ReddOrDedd]

Im pretty sure I near came to my demise in Ibiza as well. Snowballs (Acid mixed with Ecstasy) taken at 4 am. Flight home was at 6 am. Estimated effect of snowballs - 18 hours.

 

There is losing your mind and then there is the cataclysmic mindfuck that I went through for those 18 - 24 hours. I couldn't walk as my limbs had all seized up and my arms and legs were going into tremors. Not the shakes just; but actualy massive attacks of wild flailing of both limbs. My mates then somehow managed by some miracle to get me through security with instructions not to open my mouth; they also made sure I didn't walk through with any metal because if they had started searching me, the game was up and I would surely have not been allowed on the flight. I got on the flight anyhow and could hear, clear as day my friends giving out about me. The only problem was that they were fast asleep; it was all in my head as was the incessant music that I had heard throughout the week. There was music playing in my head as clear as listening to a CD. I remember I was actually going to go up to the pilot at one stage and ask him to turn the radio down.

I was sitting on the bus back from the airport at around 12 pm convinced that my friends (who were all fast asleep) had teamed up with a couple of Spanish people to wreck my head. I kept hearing the clicking noise from a camera as if they were taking pictures of me and thought they were trying to splash me with water.

I just sat on my own for two hours saying over and over to no one in particular "I know what your doing; im not stupid."

 

I had the good sense when I got back that I wasn't fit to go home so with my mate in tow (who had taken them as well) marched straight up to Lidl without saying anything to our other mates (who had all turned against me of course) with our suitcases and bought two bottles of cider.

 

We then went straight to the closest spot where he could drink the cider in peace which appropiately enough happened to be a garden outside an asylum. I think we came pretty close a few times to checking ourselves in. The cider calmed me down eventually and I just treated the music as free radio as it faded gradually but fuck; never again!

 

It's funny now writing about it but holy fuck; at the time I was capable of anything. I really thought I was never going to come out of it and to be honest would have been liable to do anything if my mate hadn't been with me.

 

Never really been able to look drugs in the eye since that infamous day (except good ole poppers of course)

 

 

Worst idea ever?

[Hand Shandy]

One of.

 

In the long distant past, when I may have partaken in illegal substances, I might have thought it was a better idea to take a gram of speed and a tab before going out clubbing rather than ecstasy.