Promises for the future

[Remmie]

I promise when I'm older to never, under any circumstances, ever take my kids to the supermarket.

[madstock]

I promise when I'm older to never, under any circumstances, ever take anyone else's kids from the supermarket. Or Portuguese apartment.

 

All a moot point, as I will be in Cuba.

[Plewggs]

I promise to wear a hat and not tell her my name.

[She Knows It]

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

 

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobrietry of my youth.

 

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick flowers in other people's gardens

And learn to spit.

 

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickles for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats and things in boxes.

 

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

 

 

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Jacobs

[RJ Fan club]

I won't drive at 40mph or slower on national speed limit sections of single carrigeway roads and I will get my pension by bank transfer instead of going to the PO. I will be rude to all young people and assume thay are all thugs.

[dirty_sanchez]

I won't smell of piss and talcum powder.

[RedinSweden]

I will smell of piss and talcum powder.

[dirty_sanchez]

Sniff sniff.

 

You already do!

[mattyq]

I'll be the most miseerable old bastard the world has ever seen

[rondeco]

I will save the world.

[RED Tezza]

I'll be the most miseerable old bastard the world has ever seen

 

I'm already here

[RedinSweden]

I will take my grandchildren to the supermarket. I will give them sweets that make them hyperactive then take them home to their parents.

 

Dont forget that you will wind them up before taking them back and then questioned the parents' parenting ability when they are bouncing off the walls.

[Josef Svejk]

I won't pretend that my dirty old man perving is anything other than dirty old man perving.

[Guest TK-421]

I promise I will never die.

[Guest PaddyBerger15]

I promise I will hunt down and kill Noel Edmonds and Keith Chegwin....for the sake of mankind and the future of all our children.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I promise when I am old I will NOT put this sign up by my house

 

 

I also promise to not go to cafes, Mcdonalds etc and buy a cup of tea and take two hours to drink it.

 

 

Instead I will be downloading porn at an internet cafe.

 

[ATXRED]

I promise that if I have a daughter, I will buy a handgun, and when she gets old enough to date, I will make said dates sit down and have a "talk" with me while I clean said handgun.

 

I also promise to walk around in public completely naked, with my old man balls dangling about. Not because I'll have Alzheimer's, but because it'd be fun to gross out all the young kids and scar them for life.

[Guest PaddyBerger15]

I also promise to walk around in public completely naked, with my old man balls dangling about. Not because I'll have Alzheimer's, but because it'd be fun to gross out all the young kids and scar them for life.

 

So basically you are a Noos wannabe then?

[gazelle]

I promise to still love & support my beloved Liverpool Football Club.

[Guest TK-421]

I promise I will say "eh?" after everything you say, even if I heard you properly the first time.

 

I will never get my money ready before buying something at the shop. I'll wait until the shopkeeper asks for it, then count it all out in coppers and ask for a receipt.

[DJLJ]

I promise that if I have a daughter, I will buy a handgun, and when she gets old enough to date, I will make said dates sit down and have a "talk" with me while I clean said handgun.

 

I also promise to walk around in public completely naked, with my old man balls dangling about. Not because I'll have Alzheimer's, but because it'd be fun to gross out all the young kids and scar them for life.

 

No automatic or sawn-off? Pah, the guy coming round to 'date' your daughter probably has his own tank.

[ATXRED]

So basically you are a Noos wannabe then?

 

He's everything I hope to be when I'm too old to remember my name like him.

[Guest PaddyBerger15]

He's everything I hope to be when I'm too old to remember my name like him.

 

Nowt wrong wit that, when it comes to be a dirty, dribbling, argumentative, cantankerous old bastard with more than a hint of irreverence, Noos is as good a role model as any.

[Guest mother]

just like sir Alex

[Newport]

I will be the grumpy old neighbou and I will get me a younger wife around 50.