Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.

[tokyojoe]

24 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...thrown up on someone.

Some twat puked on me on train once. Last day before Christmas this bloke staggered onto my train at King's Cross and sat opposite me. Obviously bladdered. I could see the danger but too late. Splattered over my trousers.

 

Picked him up and chucked him out the train. Lucky for him it hadn't started moving.

 

Probably the first time he had been allowed out for a drink all year.

 

Bet his missus was delighted with him.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

38 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...thrown up on someone.

Quite often, when I was a baby.

[Captain Willard]

11 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...jammed a finger in a car door?

When I was a kid I slammed my finger in a safe door. It went black under the nail and was throbbing so the doctor in A and E heated a needle until it was red hot then pushed it through the finger nail to “relieve the pressure”. As painful as it sounds, maybe more. 

[Evelyn Tentions]

8 hours ago, Captain Willard said:

When I was a kid I slammed my finger in a safe door. It went black under the nail and was throbbing so the doctor in A and E heated a needle until it was red hot then pushed it through the finger nail to “relieve the pressure”. As painful as it sounds, maybe more. 

I had my finger trapped in a car door years ago, same story. The nail turned black and my finger was incredibly sore. After a couple of days without the pain stopping ,I went to the doctor's. He used a hypodermic needle to drill a hole "to relieve the pressure" but, unlike you, the pain ceased immediately.

I'll bet this bloke had a few  twinges though

[Rico1304]

My aunty slammed a car door on my finger when I was about 7. Made a

right mess of it, broke it and virtually destroyed the nail.  Had to go to hospital for weeks for it to be dressed which hurt quite a lot.  
 

That was 42 years ago and I still give her grief about it.   The last time being a couple of weeks ago at her grandsons wedding. 

[Total Longo]

1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

My aunty slammed a car door on my finger when I was about 7. Made a

right mess of it, broke it and virtually destroyed the nail.  Had to go to hospital for weeks for it to be dressed which hurt quite a lot.  
 

That was 42 years ago and I still give her grief about it.   The last time being a couple of weeks ago at her grandsons wedding. 

Let it go, mate. 

[DalyanPete]

10 hours ago, Stouffer said:

Worse than that, I once threw up on the hall carpet and then vacuumed it up. The hoover smelled fucking brutal afterwards. 

Schoolboy error, always clean spew with a shovel. Gets it all up and straight in the bin or bog. Then do your disinfecting.

Three kids and Easter eggs taught me that.

[TheBitch]

Anyone ever… joined the mile high club?

[Bob]

Anyone ever… not checked the earlier pages in a thread?

[Tj hooker]

46 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

Anyone ever… joined the mile high club?

I'd put good money either @Bjornebye has done it or attempted to do it ?

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Tj hooker said:

I'd put good money either @Bjornebye has done it or attempted to do it ?

 

On 16/11/2021 at 15:02, Bjornebye said:

I got tugged off by a Canadian girl flying between Cairns and Sydney if that helps?  

 

On 16/11/2021 at 15:40, Bjornebye said:

Yeah I only met this girl on the plane just us two had our aisle, I'd been drinking all day, god knows how I managed to pull her but I remember her having her norks out in our seats while it was dark. Proper sloppy white wine kisser as well, we swapped email addresses for fuck sake (mid 00's) but I must have lost it. I'm convinced she was meeting her fella in Sydney anyway. 

You know me too well mate ! 

[Dr Nowt]

13 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...thrown up on someone.

Ex-girlfriend, late 90’s, after an absolutely calamitous Friday afternoon drinking session with pasta bake face mask. Got back to said girlfriend’s in the early hours, bounced off every wall in the place including falling through her flatmate’s open door and breaking something electronics-based on my way to bed. The rest is a blur.
 

Woke up to a fairly chilly atmosphere. Decided to brazen it out and ask what she was being so nippy about. Informed me I had come into her room (no, I don’t mean the mate), stripped off, announced my arrival loudly enough to rouse her from a deep sleep and then projectile vomited on her in bed as she opened her eyes. In one desperate last roll of the dice I looked round the room and said ‘Where’s all this sick, then? Nothing on the sheets’. She replied, clinically, ‘When I had finished making sure you sat up and didn’t choke on your sick like a fucking dog that can’t sustain the weight of its own head, I changed all the bedding at 5am and put the stuff with your spew on it in the washing machine’.
 

Quite difficult to bullshit an instant response to that given the catastrophic state I was in, so I demurred. She was Glaswegian, so needless to say she’d punched me full in the face when it happened, which I had no recollection of save for looking like a bruised piece of fruit for a few days.

[Edward.]

My brother puked up on Paula Radcliffe on a plane pissed a few years ago. 

[Dr Nowt]

Just now, Edward. said:

My brother puked up on Paula Radcliffe on a plane pissed a few years ago. 

I bet she was livid, just minding her own business curling one out in the aisle then that happens.

[cloggypop]

On 22/11/2021 at 12:04, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

Similar to others fell asleep on the bus to work hungover, took me all the way to town, then back again, woke up at almost the exact point I got on back near home, got off and phoned in work sick.

Woke up back in Amsterdam 2 times on the way back from work once. Must have been all the way to Rotterdam and back. My drunken/stoned workmate was sat with me. Eventually woke up at Leiden Station at the third attempt with no idea where he was and got off. Next day in work he turns up in an inside out t-shirt having spent the night in the train depot. Finishing work in Amsterdam just as the happy hours start is dangerous. 

[Harry Squatter]

Has anyone ever had their head kicked in?. 

 

 

[stringvest]

45 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

I bet she was livid, just minding her own business curling one out in the aisle then that happens.

I've seen this film.  Scheisser im Flugzeug it was called.

[stringvest]

4 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

My aunty slammed a car door on my finger when I was about 7. Made a

right mess of it, broke it and virtually destroyed the nail.  Had to go to hospital for weeks for it to be dressed which hurt quite a lot.  
 

That was 42 years ago and I still give her grief about it.   The last time being a couple of weeks ago at her grandsons wedding. 

finger?  your auntie?

[Rico1304]

18 minutes ago, stringvest said:

finger?  your auntie?

She’s 78 now. Still too young for you.  

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

On 22/11/2021 at 12:03, Bjornebye said:

He told me he didn't feel a thing 

Did you paint it white on the way out? That would be totally Mexico.

[Carvalho Diablo]

16 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...thrown up on someone.

Several years ago, me and my crazy mate Robbo went up to the 4th (and decisive) day of The Ashes test match at The Riverside in Durham.

 

We got a taxi up there but the driver was clueless, and by the time we finally reached the ground I felt acutely car sick.

 

Although the weather was a bit patchy, we donned our poundshop ponchos and took our seats for the morning session.

 

I remember whacking a big bag of Cheesy Doritos into me, and then at lunch we had a couple of pints and got stuck into some big Cuban cigars.

 

Five minutes before the afternoon session began and I returned to my seat. However, the second I sat down I was violently sick, sending regurgitated beer and semi-digested Doritos hurling all over the heads of an elderly couple sat in the seats directly in front of me.

 

I legged it to the portaloos, where I whipped off the plaggy poncho and splashed my face with some cold water, before shamefully returning to my seat in the stand.

 

When I began ascending the steps, about 50 odd people started giving me a huge sarcastic cheer.

 

Like the total coward I am, I was hugely relieved to discover the two seats in front of me were now empty. My mate Robo told me that the stewards had had to reseat the poor couple, she was in tears and he was furious, after trying to wash my sick from the back of his head and off of her freshly coiffured bouffant, and they put them in the only spare seats...right at the back of the temporary stand.

 

Anyway, the match was fantastic and England won the Ashes, no more projectile vomiting incidents.

 

On the way out though, I saw the couple and I made my way towards them ready to offer a sincere apology, but they saw me approaching and he ushered his missus swiftly off. All very un-Christian if you ask me.

 

The photo was taken about 10 minutes before "the incident".

 

[Harry Squatter]

Me and my mate were in Buenos Aires and after an afternoon tour we decided to get absolutely shit faced. We started off in some Irish bar which was expensive then moved over the road to some small bar. The bar we went to was empty apart from some lad working behind the bar who was about 20 and his little brother who was 12. 

 

We kept drinking big bottles of Quilmes and asked for Vodkas and whisky. The lad said he needed to change one of the barrells and said we should just help ourselves, my mate drank almost a full bottle of grey goose and I swigged a load of Cognac. His Dad came back from the wholesalers and wondered what the fuck we were doing behind the bar. The lad came back up and started arguing with his Dad saying we'd spent shit loads and to leave us alone.

 

The Dad said the bar was closed and basically threw us out, even though we'd been hammering it since mid afternoon.

 

We got a taxi and my mate turned round and said he was going to be sick. I told him to hang on otherwise the taxi driver would go off his head and we'd have to pay for messing up his taxi. He decided to open up his jacket and spew inside it. Then closed it up. I couldn't stop laughing when he got out the taxi and was desperately holding the bottom of his jacket to avoid all the spew trickling out. Walking through the lobby and to the lift he looked like he was pregnant.

 

Got back to the room and he went in the bathroom and put the shower on. I took one swig of some red wine and started to feel sick. Ran to the bathroom but my mate was in the shower, banged on the door and he told me to hang on but I legged it to the window and spewed out of the window. All I heard was two angry people below shouting "Bastardo! Bastardo!".

 

Looked outside the next morning and 6 or 7 floors down there was a balcony with chairs with my spew still all over it. So I must have splattered the three people sitting at the table. 

 

No one ever found us or tried to fill us in and the hotel staff never said a word.

 

Buenos Aires is a top city to get shitfaced in.

 

[Bjornebye]

Hahahahaha "Bastardo, Bastardo!" 

[Carvalho Diablo]

6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Hahahahaha "Bastardo, Bastardo!" 

Eddie! You bastardo!

[Bjornebye]

14 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Eddie! You bastardo!

"You Fat Bastardo, You Fat Bastardo"