little things that annoy the shit out of you

[Evelyn Tentions]

3 hours ago, dockers_strike said:

Nah, she's just batty, mate. The loons with the tree are constant arseholes.

 

I put some white posts on the edge of my garden because I was getting fucked off with people reversing over the edge of it. Next morning, I noticed one had been flattened. I re fitted it and thought no more.

 

Couple of nights later, the 19 year old girl from the house in question is trying to reverse off her drive and she's headed for the same fucking post again. So I nip out and politely suggest she needs a lot of right hand down else she's going to flatten the post.

 

I get a load of 'fuck off! I cant see it! It's got no light on it!' blah, blah, fucking blah. I said Im going nowhere and you're not flattening the post, right hand down but she's still giving it dog's abuse.

 

We have a kind of mexican stand off with her saying she isnt moving until I fuck off. I say good, you wont knock down the post them, Ive all night. This goes on for about 20 minutes until she phones her brother who gets in the car and reverses it out.

 

As she drives off she shouts 'you can fucking go inside now!' I shout back drive safely, dont forget to use your mirrors! Fucking cheeky mare.

Next time, replace the post with a metal pole or concrete fence post

[sir roger]

or a gun turret ?

[Harry's Lad]

42 minutes ago, sir roger said:

or a gun turret ?

Or fit a security light with a pir so she can see where it is and burn her fucking retinas out when she looks.

Sorted.

 

[Bjornebye]

Or a TMD-44 Land-Mine. Of-course she wouldn't have any idea it was there until she reverses over it but I think we're beyond all that now. 

[Harry's Lad]

6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Or a TMD-44 Land-Mine. Of-course she wouldn't have any idea it was there until she reverses over it but I think we're beyond all that now. 

Don't you think that's just a tad over the top?

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

Don't you think that's just a tad over the top?

I don’t think he should take any chances 

[The Golden Eel]

My neighbour wouldn't even look in my direction if I'm about a metre away, no hello, no small talk, nothing, like ever. The only time I've ever heard anything resembling a sentence from him was when my kitten (before he started going out properly, ie very young) was arsing about in his garden and he must've seen him and noticed I was calling the kitten's name and he handed him over the fence to me and goes "he's just chasing flies". 

 

He seems to have one facial expression. I don't even know his name and I've lived beside him for nearly five years. 

 

He would take a parcel from Amazon or whatever if I wasn't in though. The most I get when I call to get it is he hands it to me and says "OK".

 

It's all grand with me as he gives me no trouble whatsoever. Good old, errr, whatever his name is... 

[dockers_strike]

3 hours ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

Next time, replace the post with a metal pole or concrete fence post

It's the design of the cul de sac and ground wrok mate. You cant get anything in deeper than about 12 inches(!) due to telephone trunking and drains etc. Dont know who designed the layout but they must have given it to their 8 year old to stop them getting bored on a wet Wednesday afternoon!

[sir roger]

59 minutes ago, The Golden Eel said:

My neighbour wouldn't even look in my direction if I'm about a metre away, no hello, no small talk, nothing, like ever. The only time I've ever heard anything resembling a sentence from him was when my kitten (before he started going out properly, ie very young) was arsing about in his garden and he must've seen him and noticed I was calling the kitten's name and he handed him over the fence to me and goes "he's just chasing flies". 

 

He seems to have one facial expression. I don't even know his name and I've lived beside him for nearly five years. 

 

He would take a parcel from Amazon or whatever if I wasn't in though. The most I get when I call to get it is he hands it to me and says "OK".

 

It's all grand with me as he gives me no trouble whatsoever. Good old, errr, whatever his name is... 

Sounds like a perfect neighbour to me.

[Remmie]

My neighbour is the perfect neighbour, she does online shopping for us, babysits our kids for £4 an hour, gives us birthday and anniversary presents, gets on especially well with my Mrs, has given us a strimmer and lent us her lawn mower and 100 little other favours. 

[VladimirIlyich]

11 hours ago, The Golden Eel said:

My neighbour wouldn't even look in my direction if I'm about a metre away, no hello, no small talk, nothing, like ever. The only time I've ever heard anything resembling a sentence from him was when my kitten (before he started going out properly, ie very young) was arsing about in his garden and he must've seen him and noticed I was calling the kitten's name and he handed him over the fence to me and goes "he's just chasing flies". 

 

He seems to have one facial expression. I don't even know his name and I've lived beside him for nearly five years. 

 

He would take a parcel from Amazon or whatever if I wasn't in though. The most I get when I call to get it is he hands it to me and says "OK".

 

It's all grand with me as he gives me no trouble whatsoever. Good old, errr, whatever his name is... 

This is how Ted Bundy began.

[Elite]

5 hours ago, Remmie said:

My neighbour is the perfect neighbour, she does online shopping for us, babysits our kids for £4 an hour, gives us birthday and anniversary presents, gets on especially well with my Mrs, has given us a strimmer and lent us her lawn mower and 100 little other favours. 

I'm sensing a Homer/Ned Flanders vibe here.

[Bjornebye]

7 hours ago, Remmie said:

My neighbour is the perfect neighbour, she does online shopping for us, babysits our kids for £4 an hour, gives us birthday and anniversary presents, gets on especially well with my Mrs, has given us a strimmer and lent us her lawn mower and 100 little other favours. 

Have you? 

[Remmie]

22 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Have you? 

I have not. Unfortunately, my life is not remotely as dramatic and interesting as a certain Facebook friend. 

[YorkshireRed]

I have the greatest neighbour in the history of neighbours. Basically it’s owned by a rich woman, about my age, who’s married to a much older guy. Their real home is some massive affair a few miles away. She uses next door as a ‘party house’ as he’s not bothered about that sort of stuff any more but let’s her have her freedom. It’s only used occasionally so most of the time it’s empty. If I time my return from Saturday afternoon/evening drinking correctly she invites me over. Last time there were hot lesbians, shit loads of cocaine on a tray and nice snacks. There was also a magician but he was shit. The only problem is my wife gets really pissed off if she finds out I went over there, no idea why. It would be better if the house was a few doors down, rather than right next door. 

[The Golden Eel]

13 hours ago, sir roger said:

Sounds like a perfect neighbour to me.

Absolutely, I'm not complaining. I do think a quick hello would be less awkward than completely ignoring one another but whatever.

2 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

This is how Ted Bundy began.

I think he'd already be Ted Bundy by now, he's in his 50s. I actually think he's a pretty normal guy. Job, couple of kids, etc. 

[Bjornebye]

10 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I have the greatest neighbour in the history of neighbours. Basically it’s owned by a rich woman, about my age, who’s married to a much older guy. Their real home is some massive affair a few miles away. She uses next door as a ‘party house’ as he’s not bothered about that sort of stuff any more but let’s her have her freedom. It’s only used occasionally so most of the time it’s empty. If I time my return from Saturday afternoon/evening drinking correctly she invites me over. Last time there were hot lesbians, shit loads of cocaine on a tray and nice snacks. There was also a magician but he was shit. The only problem is my wife gets really pissed off if she finds out I went over there, no idea why. It would be better if the house was a few doors down, rather than right next door. 

What’s that? You’re inviting a load of us up? Cool mate I’m in 

7 minutes ago, The Golden Eel said:

 I actually think he's a pretty normal guy. Job, couple of kids, etc. 

Basically enough evidence to send him down for a long time 

[YorkshireRed]

3 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

What’s that? You’re inviting a load of us up? Cool mate I’m in 

Basically enough evidence to send him down for a long time 

Next time I see her I’ll tell her I’ve invited a load of people off an Internet forum, none of whom I’ve ever met, to a party at her house. I reckon she’ll be ok with it. I’ll also tell her not to invite the magician guy. Apart from anything else he ruined a conversation I was having with one of the hot lesbians by forcing one of his shit tricks on us. 
 

In fact so as not to derail the thread completely. A little thing that annoys the shit out of me = shit magicians. 

[Elite]

Aren't shit magicians just clowns? 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

When people write "lead" instead of "led".

[VladimirIlyich]

19 hours ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

When people write "lead" instead of "led".

You can lead a horse to water,but a pencil must be led.

[cloggypop]

20 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

You can lead a horse to water,but a pencil must be led.

 

[Tony Moanero]

People saying “you know” every five minutes, or even worse, people writing it as “yano”. 

[easytoslip]

18 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

People saying “you know” every five minutes, or even worse, people writing it as “yano”. 

Good grief do people actually say yano? I know what you mean though. 

While I'm here I'll say those new scooter things are another plague on the streets, what is the point of them apart from making you look like a twat. 

[lifetime fan]

50 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

People saying “you know” every five minutes, or even worse, people writing it as “yano”. 

It’s irritating as fuck. 
 

Ailbhe Rea and Stephen Bush make the New Statesmen podcast unlistenable to because of ‘like, you know like’ this.