The world of a woman.

[Remmie]

My misses decided she was going to improve our diet. I stopped getting chips in the evening because of this.

At lunch time she was having a bowl of chips with mayo and ketchup.  In the evening she was stuffing sweets.

Mayo on chips? Either dump her or drown her.

 

That's some foul, repugnant shit.

[VladimirIlyich]

Mayo on chips? Either dump her or drown her.

 

That's some foul, repugnant shit.

Can't argue with this advice.

[bigbak]

Mayo on chips? Either dump her or drown her.

 

That's some foul, repugnant shit.

 

She's Polish.  She eats much stranger stuff than that.

Cracking tits.

[VladimirIlyich]

She's Polish. She eats much stranger stuff than that.

Cracking tits.

I bet you supply the mayonnaise.

[Remmie]

She's Polish. She eats much stranger stuff than that.

Cracking tits.

Gherkins infused with honey? Pickled watermelon? Would eat plates of them over a single chip dipped in mayonnaise.

 

My wife is Ukrainian so I'm fully aware of the strange foods/significantly more attractive than British ladies combo. How about them thigh gaps?

[PestiRed]

Gherkins infused with honey? Pickled watermelon? Would eat plates of them over a single chip dipped in mayonnaise.

My wife is Ukrainian so I'm fully aware of the strange foods/significantly more attractive than British ladies combo. How about them thigh gaps?

Even a week after giving birth, the thigh gaps are still spot on. Eastern European girls forever

[Rico1304]

Even a week after giving birth, the thigh gaps are still spot on. Eastern European girls forever

Jesus.

[RJ Fan club]

Jesus.

I don't think Jebus had that little of an impact in childbirth, even with a immaculate conception to boot

[Sputnik1]

The best one is - "shall we go out for tea tonight". I won't bother going into detail but I have to mentally prepare myself for that shit.

 

 

 

[Dougie Do'ins]

Got an internal call in work yesterday asking me to take an external call from the lady who was coming to give first aid training. Said lady had somehow managed too get lost and they wanted me to help direct her in.

 

DD: Hello can I help

 

Woman X: Yes I'm lost

 

DD: OK do you have a sat nav ?

 

Woman X: Yes but it's not plugged in.

 

DD: OK, what road are you on ?

 

Woman X: Errm I'm not to sure. I'm by a big building going slightly up hill.

 

DD: I cant really help if without a location. Can you drive somewhere until you can see a road or street name.

 

Woman X: OK

 

About 30 seconds pass and she then informs me she's by Marybone student accommodation.

 

DD: OK park up somewhere safe and I'll come and get you. I'll be about five minutes. What kind of car am I looking out for ?

 

Woman X: A red car.

 

How the fuck she managed to navigate her way from Shropshire I'll never fucking know. 

[Harry Squatter]

Why do some women bother joining gyms?. About 90 per cent of the women who go to my gym literally do fuck all when they turn up. The only ones who do anything are the ones who go to specific fitness classes.

 

One daft bint turns up and proceeds to rearrange all the barbells and Kettlewell and then does ten minutes of exercise and fucks off. She turns up with a big game bag like Micheal Douglas in Falling Down and walks round with a heart monitor on. A couple go on the treadmills and exercise bikes yet go about 2 miles an hour on them.

 

Two non fit eastern European birds do about 10 minutes on the rowing machine, walk around then get off. Loads of women seem to be permanently in their gym gear these days yet judging on my gym it's all for show or just to let people know they go the gym.

[sir roger]

Most of the ladies in my gym spend more time pedalling very slowly on the bike while they are on facebook on  their mobile than any actual exercise.

 

One was actually reading an honest-to-goodness paperback ( which I felt was quite impressive in its own way ). 

[Scott_M]

I'm always amazed but the amount of women in the gym with a full face of make up on.

[manwiththestick]

It's all for Facebook and statuses about getting in shape for a holiday.

[ZonkoVille77]

They never seem to realise that exercise will not stop them being a cunt.

[VladimirIlyich]

Most of the ladies in my gym spend more time pedalling very slowly on the bike while they are on facebook on their mobile than any actual exercise.

 

One was actually reading an honest-to-goodness paperback ( which I felt was quite impressive in its own way ).

Most of them are too busy gawking at their iphones or whatever to realise where they are and what they are sulpposed to be doing there. To balance it out a bit though,there are some stunning women who go to the gym and they usually do exercise.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Very warm at the moment isn't it?  So much so that Lady D declared that we need to buy a summer duvet.  We already have one, it's on our bed, we're using it now because out bedroom gets warm even in the winter.

 

She was adamant it wasn't and that we did have a summer duvet but we had thrown it away.  Why would we throw it away?  Who knows.  I told her, we have it and we're currently using it.

 

Comes home last night with a rather expensive 4.5 tog duvet.  She changes the duvet in our bedroom

 

Me: What tog was the one we had on before?

LD: Doesn't matter now does it because we've got this summer one one *stuffs old duvet hastily in the divan drawer*

 

Had a peak later on.  4.5 tog.

[Captain Turdseye]

Sounds a bit like the fan Mrs Turdseye bought for our room but won't switch on because it makes a noise.

[Elite]

Take the Duvet off the bed and tell your missus you now have a summer Duvet

[Paulie Dangerously]

Take the Duvet off the bed and tell your missus you now have a summer Duvet

 

She ended up just with a sheet over her last night.  

[Dougie Do'ins]

Put the old duvet back on the bed and see if and how long it takes her to notice.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

She ended up just with a sheet over her last night.  

 

I know she pissed you off, Paulie mate, but sheeting all over her was a bit drastic. 

[Harry Squatter]

It's hotter than Sharm El sheikh in my office because stupid women complain about the air con and actually walk round the office in their coats while I sweat like the fella of Midnight Express.

[Ginny]

It's hotter than Sharm El sheikh in my office because stupid women complain about the air con and actually walk round the office in their coats while I sweat like the fella of Midnight Express.

Haha

[lifetime fan]

Outside last night having a few drinks and getting ready for a BBQ. I go in for a pee and the wife comes rushing in to tell me I'd be jealous of the neighbours fire and it would be a challenge to my manhood.

 

Only...dickhead fucking neighbour had thrown petrol on the fire, set fire to the woods next to us and almost caught the houses on fire too.

 

Yes love, I'm feeling much less of a man compared to twat neighbour.