What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Curly]

The amount of breakfast covered by toast makes me question what else you’re trying to over up, especially when the potatoes and kidneys are displayed as some sort of triumph. I bet you never even get out of the bath for a piss, you scruff.

[Barrington Womble]

14 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

No not having that. They are very tasty fried in salted butter. 

Not on a fry up. That's a sickness. 

[Mudface]

2 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Mrs Kurtz and youngest son are both away so the twins and I have taken advantage of the lack of diet police to have a proper breakfast. The eagle eyed amongst you will spot no beans and proper kidneys. Do your worst you bunch of Gordon Ramsey wannabes.

 

At least social care will be able to identify the bodies.

[Remmie]

13 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

They don't like them and they missed the beans/tomato sauce. 

Do me a favour and neg your kids for me

[Bob]

On 10/08/2020 at 14:12, Scott_M said:

 

Billy Bobs in Skipton.

Tremendous place, that.

[Bob]

I went camping in the dales near settle for what should’ve been two nights from Thursday.

 

i made a superb camp breakfast with perfectly cooked (fried) basin and sausage, sliced up and stirred into a saucepan of beans, dished up into bowls and a perfect fried egg laid atop. All cooked on a gas camping stove in the rain.

 

i forgot to take a photo, but it was fucking bliss.

 

unfortunately while out walking up Ingleborough in the force 9 gales that afternoon, our tent was destroyed by similar winds on the ground, so we had to pack up and come home yesterday and I couldn’t bring myself to cook up the same again from the comfort of a kitchen so instead I had the leftover Spag Bol from previous evening camp culinary adventures instead.

[Scott_M]

11 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Tremendous place, that.

Just a shame you can’t get a bevy there. 

[Bob]

Just now, Scott_M said:

Just a shame you can’t get a bevy there. 

To be honest I’ve only been when up that way camping anyway, so there’s always a beer waiting not long after when we get back to the site.

 

get up there mid morning, coffee, sit and chat with my mate while our kids play, I’ve cream around 12, rinse and repeat before heading back to the campsite or off for a walk in the dales. Perfect.

[Bjornebye]

50 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Sliced kidneys fried in salted butter are top drawer. You haven't fucking lived. 

You dirty, stupid scruffy twat 

[YorkshireRed]

2 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Mrs Kurtz and youngest son are both away so the twins and I have taken advantage of the lack of diet police to have a proper breakfast. The eagle eyed amongst you will spot no beans and proper kidneys. Do your worst you bunch of Gordon Ramsey wannabes.

 

Absolute disgrace.

I prepare myself mentally to observe the general shambles, with a few exceptions, posted on this thread on a Sunday.

 

To see this on a Saturday is nothing short of a crime against humanity, to say nothing of the damage it’s doing to your children.

 

Young Kurtz: Dad is it acceptable to have kidneys on a breakfast?

 

Kurtz: Yes it is, it’s also fine to vote Tory, keep a fleet of Porsche cars and murder old ladies by throwing them down manholes.

 

Young Kurtz (to him/herself): I think my dad might be a serial killer. I bet that HP sauce contains poison. I knew I shouldn’t have said that some Labour Party policies seem fair and sensible to me. Good job he’s not forcing cups of tea on us. 

[Remmie]

13 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Ha ha. For the record I have only got one 20 year old Porsche, it is as rusty as fuck underneath and it is currently in the garage being welded back together so it can limp through another MoT. I am awaiting the bill with some trepidation.

The old lady is fine. It was a fucking GRAZE

I've never voted Tory in my life. You are conflating me with Mrs Kurtz.  

Apart from that you were spot on. 

 

This post tells me you've donated thousands to the Conservative party by selling your Porsche fleet while trying to steal an old ladies inheritance after trying to kill her to add to the donations. 

 

I expect your knighthood in the next honours list

[Evelyn Tentions]

40 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I went camping in the dales near settle for what should’ve been two nights from Thursday.

 

i made a superb camp breakfast with perfectly cooked (fried) basin and sausage, sliced up and stirred into a saucepan of beans, dished up into bowls and a perfect fried egg laid atop. All cooked on a gas camping stove in the rain.

 

i forgot to take a photo, but it was fucking bliss.

 

unfortunately while out walking up Ingleborough in the force 9 gales that afternoon, our tent was destroyed by similar winds on the ground, so we had to pack up and come home yesterday and I couldn’t bring myself to cook up the same again from the comfort of a kitchen so instead I had the leftover Spag Bol from previous evening camp culinary adventures instead.

That sounds fucking disgusting. The storm was the weather gods giving their opinion

[Bob]

You’re dead wrong. Sausage and bacon, beans and fried egg, in one delicious bowl, eaten in the rain. Heaven.

[Remmie]

2 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

You’re dead wrong. Sausage and bacon, beans and fried egg, in one delicious bowl, eaten in the rain. Heaven.

The water dilutes the disgusting bean taste? 

[Mudface]

3 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

You’re dead wrong. Sausage and bacon, beans and fried egg, in one delicious bowl, eaten in the rain. Heaven.

Too close to this muck-

 

[Anubis]

59 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I went camping in the dales near settle for what should’ve been two nights from Thursday.

 

i made a superb camp breakfast with perfectly cooked (fried) basin and sausage, sliced up and stirred into a saucepan of beans, dished up into bowls and a perfect fried egg laid atop. All cooked on a gas camping stove in the rain.

 

i forgot to take a photo, but it was fucking bliss.

 

unfortunately while out walking up Ingleborough in the force 9 gales that afternoon, our tent was destroyed by similar winds on the ground, so we had to pack up and come home yesterday and I couldn’t bring myself to cook up the same again from the comfort of a kitchen so instead I had the leftover Spag Bol from previous evening camp culinary adventures instead.

Negged for packing up in the face of a little breeze.

[Bob]

8 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Negged for packing up in the face of a little breeze.

Reasonable criticism.

[Barrington Womble]

13 minutes ago, Mudface said:

Too close to this muck-

 

I haven't had one of them for years. Muck is the right word, but I seem to remember liking them regardless. 

[Mudface]

Just now, The Gaul said:

I haven't had one of them for years. Muck is the right word, but I seem to remember liking them regardless. 

I vaguely remember having one with a bad hangover, it really didn't improve things, horrible stuff.

[Barrington Womble]

Just now, Mudface said:

I vaguely remember having one with a bad hangover, it really didn't improve things, horrible stuff.

I'm hopefully out for a fry up tomorrow, Ifni wasn't I might have bought a can to try it out. I might still buy a can and save for a rainy day. 

[Mudface]

1 minute ago, The Gaul said:

I'm hopefully out for a fry up tomorrow, Ifni wasn't I might have bought a can to try it out. I might still buy a can and save for a rainy day. 

Heh, it'll end up like that dwarf bread in Terry Pratchett's books, you'll never go hungry with it because you'd eat anything else instead.

[Mudface]

Just now, Colonel Kurtz said:

Yes but how did you get this picture ? That's the suspicious part. Pretty much the breakfast thread equivalent of those people who are caught with kiddie porn on their laptop and claim they didn't know it was there. 

There's a marvellous invention called Google, which lets you search for stuff. Although in this case I was searching for dog vomit porn.

[Mook]

4 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Mrs Kurtz and youngest son are both away so the twins and I have taken advantage of the lack of diet police to have a proper breakfast. The eagle eyed amongst you will spot no beans and proper kidneys. Do your worst you bunch of Gordon Ramsey wannabes.

 

Get fucked.

[TheHowieLama]

2 hours ago, Remmie said:

ARdja used to get reps for the absolute monstrosities he'd pay £30 for, I am disappointed that the tradition of repping any breakfast submission before absolutely massacring it. 

Rem knows.

 

I had a wild night with a 20 year old Porsche in my youth - she was quite a ride.

 

Blurtz - the kids are ok there but get a mask on that plate fella.

[Pidge]

2 hours ago, Remmie said:

This post tells me you've donated thousands to the Conservative party by selling your Porsche fleet while trying to steal an old ladies inheritance after trying to kill her to add to the donations. 

 

I expect your knighthood in the next honours list

Knighthood? With Boris about it'll be Lord Kurtz before long.