What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[YorkshireRed]

Premier Inn in Melton Mowbray. I was disappointed it didn’t include a pork pie.

 

The lady who served me had a bad leg. I wanted to empathise with her injury, but wasn’t sure if it was a temporary thing, or perhaps a disability. Decided it was better to say nothing. 
 

I then spent the rest of the eating part of my breakfast feeling guilty, and wondering if she thought I was a right cunt for not acknowledging her difficulties. 
 

To be honest this ruined the food a bit for me and I found myself resenting her for this, then feeling guilty for doing so. 
 

Sometimes breakfast can bring challenges to fuck up your day before it’s really begun.

 

 

[tokyojoe]

47 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Premier Inn in Melton Mowbray. I was disappointed it didn’t include a pork pie.

 

The lady who served me had a bad leg. I wanted to empathise with her injury, but wasn’t sure if it was a temporary thing, or perhaps a disability. Decided it was better to say nothing. 
 

I then spent the rest of the eating part of my breakfast feeling guilty, and wondering if she thought I was a right cunt for not acknowledging her difficulties. 
 

To be honest this ruined the food a bit for me and I found myself resenting her for this, then feeling guilty for doing so. 
 

Sometimes breakfast can bring challenges to fuck up your day before it’s really begun.

 

 

Doesn't look bad. Ruined by beans.

[Bjornebye]

55 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Premier Inn in Melton Mowbray. I was disappointed it didn’t include a pork pie.

 

The lady who served me had a bad leg. I wanted to empathise with her injury, but wasn’t sure if it was a temporary thing, or perhaps a disability. Decided it was better to say nothing. 
 

I then spent the rest of the eating part of my breakfast feeling guilty, and wondering if she thought I was a right cunt for not acknowledging her difficulties. 
 

To be honest this ruined the food a bit for me and I found myself resenting her for this, then feeling guilty for doing so. 
 

Sometimes breakfast can bring challenges to fuck up your day before it’s really begun.

 

 

She was hobbling because she was concealing a listening device for them vigilante paedophile hunters and it had slipped down her trouser leg. They should be with you by half 10 . I hope for your sake that’s a large whisky. 

[Captain Turdseye]

“How come you’re a spaz?” is a fairly innocuous question. People ask me that all the time and I’ve got no obvious disabilities. 

[TheHowieLama]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

“How come you’re a spaz?” is a fairly innocuous question. People ask me that all the time and I’ve got no obvious disabilities. 

Don't sell yourself short there fella.

[lifetime fan]

3 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

“How come you’re a spaz?” is a fairly innocuous question. People ask me that all the time and I’ve got no obvious disabilities. 

A Red will be after you. 

[Fugitive]

6 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Premier Inn in Melton Mowbray. I was disappointed it didn’t include a pork pie.

 

The lady who served me had a bad leg. I wanted to empathise with her injury, but wasn’t sure if it was a temporary thing, or perhaps a disability. Decided it was better to say nothing. 
 

I then spent the rest of the eating part of my breakfast feeling guilty, and wondering if she thought I was a right cunt for not acknowledging her difficulties. 
 

To be honest this ruined the food a bit for me and I found myself resenting her for this, then feeling guilty for doing so. 
 

Sometimes breakfast can bring challenges to fuck up your day before it’s really begun.

 

 

If I had been served that, I would have took a hammer to her other leg.

[Captain Willard]

6 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Premier Inn in Melton Mowbray. I was disappointed it didn’t include a pork pie.

 

The lady who served me had a bad leg. I wanted to empathise with her injury, but wasn’t sure if it was a temporary thing, or perhaps a disability. Decided it was better to say nothing. 
 

I then spent the rest of the eating part of my breakfast feeling guilty, and wondering if she thought I was a right cunt for not acknowledging her difficulties. 
 

To be honest this ruined the food a bit for me and I found myself resenting her for this, then feeling guilty for doing so. 
 

Sometimes breakfast can bring challenges to fuck up your day before it’s really begun.

 

 

The sausages look nice. That’s all I’ve got. 

[Spy Bee]

Apple Juice is for 5 year olds. Unless it's got alcohol in, then it's for pisscans. It's most definitely not for breakfast.

[Bjornebye]

30 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

If I had been served that, I would have took a hammer to her other leg.

Says the fella who hides behind his door while he gets fed stuff Papillon would have kicked back if it got passed under his cell door 

[Fugitive]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Says the fella who hides behind his door while he gets fed stuff Papillon would have kicked back if it got passed under his cell door 

one, the box is not opened while the cunt who delivered it is stood there.

 

Two, the cunt who delivered it didn’t actually cook it, you balloon knot.

 

Three, I’ve done terrible terrible things in the name of horrid food that I can’t broadcast on the internet.

[Karl_b]

On 28/04/2024 at 13:12, Redder Lurtz said:

2nd week on low carbs. Threw this together today. Black pudding, low fat sausages from my butcher, plain 3 egg omelette (with mixed herbs and chilli flakes, I'm not an animal). I'm missing toast but it's tasty anyway. 

 

 

 

Bold move to call that an omelette, Lurtzy. Repped, despite your inability to cook eggs properly.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

9 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Premier Inn in Melton Mowbray. I was disappointed it didn’t include a pork pie.

 

The lady who served me had a bad leg. I wanted to empathise with her injury, but wasn’t sure if it was a temporary thing, or perhaps a disability. Decided it was better to say nothing. 
 

I then spent the rest of the eating part of my breakfast feeling guilty, and wondering if she thought I was a right cunt for not acknowledging her difficulties. 
 

To be honest this ruined the food a bit for me and I found myself resenting her for this, then feeling guilty for doing so. 
 

Sometimes breakfast can bring challenges to fuck up your day before it’s really begun.

 

 

 

A cup with no coaster, a plate teetering on the edge, and a glass of piss to wash down a disgusting flood of beans. Well done mate.

[Bjornebye]

42 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

one, the box is not opened while the cunt who delivered it is stood there.

 

Two, the cunt who delivered it didn’t actually cook it, you balloon knot.

 

Three, I’ve done terrible terrible things in the name of horrid food that I can’t broadcast on the internet.

One I bet it isn’t 

 

Two some cunt did with a lighter and a blowtorch 

 

and Three nothing you can post will ever be worse than Yorkshire Reds efforts 

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

 

A cup with no coaster, a plate teetering on the edge, and a glass of piss to wash down a disgusting flood of beans. Well done mate.

I’m teetering on the edge with the last few pages 

[Captain Willard]

2 hours ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

 

A cup with no coaster, a plate teetering on the edge, and a glass of piss to wash down a disgusting flood of beans. Well done mate.

I think being obsessed with coasters belongs in the “signs you’re getting older” thread 

[cloggypop]

7 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

I think being obsessed with coasters belongs in the “signs you’re  getting older” thread 

 

 

[Lurtz]

On 28/04/2024 at 15:55, Fugitive said:

Naan bread is a bold choice, you deviant.

 

On 28/04/2024 at 16:39, Anubis said:

What the fuck have you done to that omelette?

 

On 28/04/2024 at 16:45, Mook said:

Dave needs to step in here and start dishing the bans out.

 

On 28/04/2024 at 17:08, DalyanPete said:

Lost for words on the omelette. May the lord have mercy on your soul.

 

On 28/04/2024 at 17:20, Spy Bee said:

You call it an omelette. I call it a crime.

 

On 28/04/2024 at 17:23, YorkshireRed said:

Some people on here don’t deserve breakfasts. They should be made to skip it and move right on through to lunch. 
 

I’d have zero sympathy. They would have brought it on themselves. 

 

On 28/04/2024 at 20:18, Trumo said:

 

Swapped it for a naan bread by the looks of things.

 

4 hours ago, Karl_b said:

 

Bold move to call that an omelette, Lurtzy. Repped, despite your inability to cook eggs properly.

 

I'd quite like every single one of you omelette-mocking cunts to make one and post a picture of it on here. Let's see if your efforts resemble Michelin Star scran shall we? This isn't BBC Good Food magazine. David fucking Bailey wouldn't have been able to create a decent image of an omelette if he took the photo on a smartphone either. Twats. 

[Fugitive]

2 minutes ago, Redder Lurtz said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'd quite like every single one of you omelette-mocking cunts to make one and post a picture of it on here. Let's see if your efforts resemble Michelin Star scran shall we? This isn't BBC Good Food magazine. David fucking Bailey wouldn't have been able to create a decent image of an omelette if he took the photo on a smartphone either. Twats. 

Look at shit eggs getting all pissy.

 

 

[Karl_b]

14 minutes ago, Redder Lurtz said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'd quite like every single one of you omelette-mocking cunts to make one and post a picture of it on here. Let's see if your efforts resemble Michelin Star scran shall we? This isn't BBC Good Food magazine. David fucking Bailey wouldn't have been able to create a decent image of an omelette if he took the photo on a smartphone either. Twats. 

 

Challenge accepted, I'm fucking great at omelettes, me. So much so that I don't need chilli and herbs and whatnot. 

 

If I'm up early enough before work tomorrow then I'll get one done, otherwise what else am I going to do with a bank holiday weekend? Spend it with my family? 

[Curly]

6 hours ago, Spy Bee said:

Apple Juice is for 5 year olds. Unless it's got alcohol in, then it's for pisscans. It's most definitely not for breakfast.

This is so incorrect, I don’t even know where to begin. Chilled apple juice with a cooked breakfast is perfect. PERFECT.

[Curly]

3 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

 

Challenge accepted, I'm fucking great at omelettes, me. So much so that I don't need chilli and herbs and whatnot. 

 

If I'm up early enough before work tomorrow then I'll get one done, otherwise what else am I going to do with a bank holiday weekend? Spend it with my family? 

Is it bank holiday tomorrow???

[Curly]

On 29/04/2024 at 10:44, Fugitive said:

Apart from the fact he that had obviously been sexually assaulted on the way here, the 1p Sausages tasting like shit, the black pudding having the consistency of granite and the haggis not actually tasting anything like haggis, it was sound.

 

0.5/10

 

Fucking cunts. 

It looks a lot better when on the plate, so that’s something.

 

I notice the egg yolk is whole and unspoilt when in the box, and breached by the time it’s on the plate. You fingered it didn’t you?

 

I appreciate the doll’s feet will belong to your little ones, but there’s a slightly sinister air to it which leads me to believe (and prefer) that both are heavily scorched, melted and covered in egg yolk on their top halves, as you taken out your breakfast anger on them

[Fugitive]

Just now, Curly said:

It looks a lot better when on the plate, so that’s something.

 

I notice the egg yolk is whole and unspoilt when in the box, and breached by the time it’s on the plate. You fingered it didn’t you?

 

I appreciate the doll’s feet will belong to your little ones, but there’s a slightly sinister air to it which leads me to believe (and prefer) that both are heavily scorched, melted and covered in egg yolk on their top halves, as you taken out your breakfast anger on them

That egg on the place was the one below the egg in the box picture.

 

I cut the dolls heads off in anger.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Curly said:

This is so incorrect, I don’t even know where to begin. Chilled apple juice with a cooked breakfast is perfect. PERFECT.

Yeah when you get dragged to breakfast in a travelodge on a stag do with a hangover. It’s like drinking piss direct from god.