Kids who get adults into deep shit

[Harry Squatter]

Funny before, my brother in law is up from London, his son is 4 and is a bit of a tearaway, anyway they are staying with his sister, There are a load of kids in the house and my parents in law.

 

His son grabs the Sky remote control off his cousin and goes and sits on the couch and automatically puts in the number for all the porn channels but they don't start until midnight but he still leaves it like he is waiting for the porn to start.

 

His four year old son shouts through while all the adults are sitting down having their tea and screeches "Dad, Daad, Daaaaaad, are we staying up to watch the boobie channels tonight?". Never heard such silence in my life, it was like the bit in American Werewolf in London where they go in the weird pub at the start and it automatically goes silent. His wife threw her fork down and fucked off out of the house in disgust and the rest of the family didn't know where to look.

 

Anyone else know or experienced similar situations where kids have caused murder without knowing it?

[Unrighteous]

That's hilarious.

[SpeedyG]

At the supermarket with a friend and her kid, cutest girl you could ever see. We're in the queue and she looks over to the other line and says "My mumma beats me!".

[Guest ShoePiss]

brilliant

[Unrighteous]

Apparently, on the beach of Hawaii when I was a wee lad, I told a bunch of strangers taht my parents forgot my birthday.

 

They bought me a cake. My parents were horrified.

[SpeedyG]

brilliant

 

Quite the family. Bought a "big and bouncy", same friend (my mum's friend actually) was there in all her glory in the readers wives section wearing a big fur coat.

[Harry Squatter]

My niece when she was 5 was at the checkout in Asda and a dwarf was in front of her and my wife packing her shopping up. My neice was in the seat in the trolley and shouts out very lloudly "look a babba woman" and points to the dwarf. My wife just looked away in pure embarassment.

 

When I was a toddler my Dad got a gollywog moneybox off his dad when he passed away, when my Dad put money in it he always siad "Hello der maaaaan" to me and shook the moneybox about.

 

Not very politically correct I know and I'm not trying to get a cheap laugh out of that, however my Dad took me out in my pram shopping in South Road in Waterloo. We were by the train station when two black men walked past. I shouted out "Hello der maan" at them and pointed rudely at them. My Dad absolutely shat himself as he always told me that they both looked like Evander Holyfield and were on the verge of twatting him. The only thing that stopped them was the fact that he had me in the pram and would have had to have taken me to A&E with him.

[Jennings]

...

 

His four year old son shouts through while all the adults are sitting down having their tea and screeches "Dad, Daad, Daaaaaad, are we staying up to watch the boobie channels tonight?". ...

 

Class. Repped.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

when i was really young we were playing hide and seek, and i couldnt find this girl, so i rang the police to report a missing person. they asked to speak to my parent. i ran in to my mum and said something like "mummy the police want to speak to you". she practically shit herself and spoke to the police on the phone. they gave her a bollocking for me wasting police time.

[Herp McDerp]

when i was really young we were playing hide and seek, and i couldnt find this girl, so i rang the police to report a missing person. they asked to speak to my parent. i ran in to my mum and said something like "mummy the police want to speak to you". she practically shit herself and spoke to the police on the phone. they gave her a bollocking for me wasting police time.

 

 

Reminded me of this

 

RmSAgW9f1HQ

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Funny before, my brother in law is up from London, his son is 4 and is a bit of a tearaway, anyway they are staying with his sister, There are a load of kids in the house and my parents in law.

 

His son grabs the Sky remote control off his cousin and goes and sits on the couch and automatically puts in the number for all the porn channels but they don't start until midnight but he still leaves it like he is waiting for the porn to start.

 

His four year old son shouts through while all the adults are sitting down having their tea and screeches "Dad, Daad, Daaaaaad, are we staying up to watch the boobie channels tonight?". Never heard such silence in my life, it was like the bit in American Werewolf in London where they go in the weird pub at the start and it automatically goes silent. His wife threw her fork down and fucked off out of the house in disgust and the rest of the family didn't know where to look.

 

Anyone else know or experienced similar situations where kids have caused murder without knowing it?

 

 

I almost threw up at the mere though of something like that happening to me, urrrgh, fucking kids.

[She Knows It]

My daughter is a horror. Gaz was telling me the other day that he was out with Bella when she saw a man with cerebral palsy. She goes "Dad, what's up with that man?" so he told her he had cerebral palsy and was poorly, it wasn't his fault and it was very rude to be nasty about it. She replies "But Dad, he's freaking me out! He's dead, dead ugly. He looks like this <pulled mong face>"

 

Another time he took her to maccies and sat her down and she said "I don't want to sit here. Those people are fat (there was a fat family sat at the next table). They make me feel sick". Loads of people sniggered and Gareth quietly told her to sit still and shut up while he went to buy the food. As he was waiting in the queue, he looked over and saw the fat family preparing to leave. Isabella stood up and bawled right across maccies "IT'S OK DAD! THE FAT PEOPLE ARE GOING NOW!"

[Hand Shandy]

So she takes after her father then?

[Harry Squatter]

When I did Camp America there was a lad on the Camp who was from Middlesborough and he was always an annoying foghorn telling shite jokes and generally being irritating. The type of person who'd wake you up to tell you a crap joke when you had a massive hangover.

 

He knocked over a water cooler in the canteen whilst loads of kids were there and I had to help him clean it up.

 

We had a big massive audience but he thought it was hilarious and started to tell crap jokes, lark around and attempt to laugh along with the kids, some little girl who must have been about 6 with pigtails said to him "hey mister, mister, do you pay for sex?".

 

The place went silent for about ten seconds then all the adults burst out laughing, this lad virtually shut up for the rest of the 3 months we were there.

[Paulie Dangerously]

When I was about five my da took me to southport on the train. On the way back a, and i quote "massive black bastard" got on the train looking thuggish and I shouted "Look dad, it's Frank Bruno!" Cue my father apologising from Hightown to Sandhills

[The-Sir]

Once on holiday when I was a kid, my sister must have been about 3 or 4.

 

Sitting by the pool she shouts over to my Dad:

 

"DADDYYY, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT THAT LADIES BUM?"

 

Me mam wasn't too happy.

[Anny Road]

When I was about five my da took me to southport on the train. On the way back a, and i quote "massive black bastard" got on the train looking thuggish and I shouted "Look dad, it's Frank Bruno!" Cue my father apologising from Hightown to Sandhills

My eldest did a similar thing in a cafe. This massive (and I mean massive) black guy sat at the table next to us. Cue my little girl 3 or 4 at the time bursting ito tears and shouting ' I dont like that man he is coloured in.' 'he looks like a monkey'

 

I thought I was about to be killed. The bloke thought it was funny. Thank god.

[Anubis]

My niece when she was 5 was at the checkout in Asda and a dwarf was in front of her and my wife packing her shopping up. My neice was in the seat in the trolley and shouts out very lloudly "look a babba woman" and points to the dwarf. My wife just looked away in pure embarassment.

 

When I was a toddler my Dad got a gollywog moneybox off his dad when he passed away, when my Dad put money in it he always siad "Hello der maaaaan" to me and shook the moneybox about.

 

Not very politically correct I know and I'm not trying to get a cheap laugh out of that, however my Dad took me out in my pram shopping in South Road in Waterloo. We were by the train station when two black men walked past. I shouted out "Hello der maan" at them and pointed rudely at them. My Dad absolutely shat himself as he always told me that they both looked like Evander Holyfield and were on the verge of twatting him. The only thing that stopped them was the fact that he had me in the pram and would have had to have taken me to A&E with him.

 

I can relate to that. I had a gollywog as a kid. Apparently I got taken out in the pram by my parents and we passed a black guy and I pointed and shouted "look mum, a gollywog!" On another occasion I was out in the pram with my mum and was shouting "dad" to every bloke we passed. My mum was mortified.

[fowlerisgod]

That's brilliant.