self inflicted injuries.

[JMARKH]

That deserves some serious reppage, looks like you didn't have the power after all.

 

How long were you in hospital for?

 

Not long it was only a precautionary measure, I was taken to the hospital by my mums friend as I had knocked myself out, I staggered for a bit then just remember waking up in hospital, I made sure I didn't do that again!

[Fugitive]

My arse is very sore and bruised.

 

This is not from a Michael Barrymore thermometer attack but from a fucking Bike Saddle. Rode 3 miles home last night whilst pissed on my mates shit bike and woke up this morning with an idea how much that poor lad in the Swimming Pool felt.

 

It is fucking killing me and I'm walking like John Wayne.

[Fugitive]

Apparently the summer before last when we went to Zante, some teenage lad decided to lick an exposed wire in a lampost, duly received an electric shock, broke his neck and died.

 

What a spaz.

 

Shocking behaviour and was obviously not the brightest of sparks.

[RobbieOR]

I was beside the local astroturf last week and some fella s were playing some game with a ball or something and this lad tripped over and his face face hit the fence! Sliced the whole side of his face open!

[Uncle_Meat]

I nearly fell into a septic tank yesterday.

 

There I was, drainrodding 'twixt the inspection cover and the tank cover and as I stepped over the tank to rod from another angle I caught my foot on the edge of the manhole. I swear I levitated over the hole with my feet going 20 to the dozen like you see in cartoons for a second or two before I got my footing and avoided being drowned (the tank goes down about 10 foot) in weeks, nay, months old congealed Zlatan.

[Remmie]

Let's see:

 

- Drunken night out at uni. Got back to get more pissed. My mates Fraggle and Andy had pissed off to Andy's room for a while to "work on a song". It was Robin Hood by Ocean Colour Scene I believe, they decided to sernade us from the top of the stairs and Fraggle was looking well pleased with himself like he was some sort of boy band member. I threw myself downstairs in protest, got some horendi carpet burns (which they poured salt and vinegar on) later, but at least it stopped Frag from singing as he was in hysterics the rest of the night.

 

- Pissed as fuck on Christmas eve. Managed to fall asleep as I'm walking home, walk into a curb and fall into the side of a house, causing minor concussion. I'm came to(o?) freezing with a massive graze on my noggin, semi concussed on xmas morning aboot 3am and thought there is something wrong with this picture.

 

- That time I let my brother pile driver me on a bouncy castle.

 

There's more I'm sure.

[Stu Monty]

If you want to have a couple of hours of quality time with bagheads in Wythenshawe A&E then a good way to do it is to hold your breath for too long, in an effort to get rid of hiccups, pass out and fall face first into a door.

 

Claret everywhere.

[melons]

Blimey, some quality stuff in here. Another persons pain always makes me feel better.

 

Went to bed with hand in BOWL of water, didn’t piss myself, the pain in the hand and fingers has gone, the skin now has a very smooth solid surface layer. Never blistered which was a good thing.

 

 

 

Oh and as a point of interest for Elvis, no one has ever pissed themselves in my bed. I only bought it a couple of weeks ago.

[longballs]

There was once a guy who squatted on a jar... I heard that ended badly.

 

 

Thankfully I have reached 30 without any serious accidents. I remember running to answer the door with bare feet and catching my little toe on the end of a door; bent it right back and I squealed like a bitch. On the way back I only went and caught it again on the bed; it swelled to the size of my big toe!

 

The only other thing I can think of was when I was carrying a broken pint glass upside down (to be safe) and as I stepped up a high step it buried right in to my leg. A big scare there now becuase I refussed to get stitches.

[JohnnyH]

Many years ago when we were all probably about 13, me and a few mates were over at another friends of ours house. His mother made us all rashers and sausages. My mate gets the ketchup and is shaking the bottle violently to get out some of the red-goodness. While doing this he manages to hit himself full on in the face with the bottom of the bottle knocked himself spark out. His mother was frantic and we were pissing ourselves.

[RedKnight]

I once impaled myself on some spiked metal railings, when I was 16. Had to my lift myself off them, worst physical experience of my life.

[AVEEZ]

Being a bit of an independent / impatient DIY freak I have had lots of accidents that perhaps a modicum of common sense might otherwise have prevented - in no particular order - I have....

 

Electricuted myself trying to remove a broken bulb from a light fitting - turning the power off would have prevented this but I was in a rush..

 

Drilled through the finger nail on my left hand - using the wrong drill bit the drill bounced off the concrete wall and onto my finger where I had placed my hand for balance..

 

Dropped a newly sharpended meat knife which duely when through my slipper into the side of the big toe on my right foot..

 

Fell up the stairs whilst somewhat worse the wear for drink catching my little toe on the carpet runner slicing the side of my toe off (that really fucking hurt)

 

I have stapled my thumb to a substancial size document not looking what I am doing properly using one of those industrial stapler things.

 

I broke a bone in my foot when i missed one of the steps in my house carrying a bed down stairs when I couldnt see where I was going properly..

 

I broke a rib getting my washing machine from the lounge into the kitchen when I lost my grip and it slipped down a few stairs hitting me in the side and landing on my leg (this also left some quite unsightly bruising)

 

I have had numerous and plentiful incidents whilst pissed which incude numerous concussions, carpet burns and speained limbs but I'd be here all week.

[Flying Pig]

Why isn't Captain on here? Nobody else is needed.

[briefs]

To add to the previous post:

 

At school I once decided to test out what would happen if I touched both the connectors on one of those science lesson battery packs (the ones with 4 C size batteries) to either side of the stud I had in the top of my left ear. The result was somewhat painful, although my friends (in a truly sympathetic way!) laughed alot as I nearly fell off my science stool in shock.

 

Similarly I also once electrocuted myself nicely at home while talking on the phone. I had the phone in one hand and the phone charger cable in the other and for some unknown reason, I decided to touch the end of it to be my tongue while it was plugged into the mains. Fucking idiot!!

 

I'm always covered in bruises and RL basically had to ban from me using knives in the kitchen before I left as I kept cutting my fingers. I had to do a fingerprint scan as I came into the States and I was getting worried that I might fail it; I was told before I went to the Embassy for my visa, that if I had ANY cuts on my fingers, the visa appointment would have to be rescheduled as I needed to give a similar scan. Still had to take a plaster off my right thumb while I was stood in the immigration interview queue and just hope that it wouldn't start bleeding.

 

If it makes you feel better Melons, I am a TOTAL disaster area :)

[Fugitive]

I once impaled myself on some spiked metal railings, when I was 16. Had to my lift myself off them, worst physical experience of my life.

 

Some lad did that in our School. He was hanging from them by his arm and ended up with a scar that ran from his wrist to just under his elbow.

[elvis]

Blimey, some quality stuff in here. Another persons pain always makes me feel better.

 

Went to bed with hand in BOWL of water, didn’t piss myself, the pain in the hand and fingers has gone, the skin now has a very smooth solid surface layer. Never blistered which was a good thing.

 

 

 

Oh and as a point of interest for Elvis, no one has ever pissed themselves in my bed. I only bought it a couple of weeks ago.

 

It seems you purchased a bed the same time as Remmie.

Hmmmmm.

[Cosmos]

Feeding my sister worms, my Dad duly lobbed me over the garden path whereupon I fell and broke my arm. I count that as self inflicted, not that i'd ever tell him that.

[Section_31]

I once impaled myself on some spiked metal railings, when I was 16. Had to my lift myself off them, worst physical experience of my life.

 

Awesome

 

[fowlerisgod]

I've got a few but can't be bothered saying them all.

 

Once i was on holiday, looking at the sunset and you know them double glass doors that you pull across? Well anyway, i thought it was open and went walking into it. Had a big lump on my head.

 

I also tried doing an overhead kick on concrete, my dad caught the ball while i was in the air and cut my arms and legs after it :(

 

I've had worse but i want my tea...

[Acid]

I cut my fingers yesterday. Both of them, half an hour apart. One I was swinging my scalpel round in my hand to get it in the right position to cut something, doing work for uni, and caught myself, needed a plaster. Second came later, I had my hand on my ruler holding it down to cut along and my finger was over the edge a bit and sliced a bit of my finger off. Not deep enough to bleed but it felt proper dodgy.

[Alan Sex]

[bigal]

 

Excellent.

 

I ruptured my Achilles tendon last November teaching a lesson on the Battle of Hastings

[melons]

At it again, took the kids ice skating today. We're off to Cardiff for winter wonderland again next week, so thought a bit of a reminder up would be clever. I tried to do a turn, the first time I've tried this in years and went over on my right ankle, the ankle and leg with pins and a plate in it. It now resembles something like this with maybe a little more hair. It fucking hurts.

 

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

snorted a line of tobasco once for a bet, couldn't smell properly for 2 days after.

[Acid]

I fell off my bike today. Ive got massive graze on my left palm and one on my cheek too from when i got all mad and headbutted the road. I have managed to spaz bandage my hand up with several sterile adhesive plasters, a bandage like what you put around your head, and a tubigrip.