Dreams HELP!

[thechap]

That's some serious shit, thechap. I feel for you man, nobody should have to go through that.

 

Cheers. Adversity sometimes teaches you a lot about yourself. The adage 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is probably very true.

[Nunavut Patrick]

Cheers. Adversity sometimes teaches you a lot about yourself. The adage 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is probably very true.

 

You must be one strong fucker than, mate.

[Paul]

Cheers. Adversity sometimes teaches you a lot about yourself. The adage 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is probably very true.

 

I'd agree with that. For all that what you described above must have been indescribably painful, it is possible to move on. It sounds like you're still carrying a few scars, but that other cliche about time and healing is true too. Fair play to you for posting that. Got to respect raw emotional honesty (man): catharsis in action.

[Mr Moustache]

(seriously) Smoke a skunk spliff every night before bed for a week and have Pink Floyd's 'Animals' on low in the background.

[Hermes]

I went to my doctor's because I had a recurring dream. In the dream I kept waking up and seeing two stunning blondes in my room. They told me they were going to get into my bed and take turns giving me oral sex. As they pulled the blankets back I pushed them away and they left.

 

The doctor said "How can I help?".

 

I said "Break my fucking arms".

[thechap]

I'd agree with that. For all that what you described above must have been indescribably painful, it is possible to move on. It sounds like you're still carrying a few scars, but that other cliche about time and healing is true too. Fair play to you for posting that. Got to respect raw emotional honesty (man): catharsis in action.

 

Cheers Paul, I appreciate that. And you're right.

Sorry Chris if I hijacked your thread but something you typed must have struck a chord.

 

On a lighter note, this bird is the same bird that I made two postings about on an earlier thread in June last year and, as some form of retribution, I reproduce them here...

 

 

Re: Ladies Farting in Work

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A bird I was living with years ago was stood near to me in the bedroom naked from the waist down. She stuck out her arse and did an awful sounding fart. This was not unusual for her in the extreme.

 

She went out shortly afterwards and I wandered across the bedroom barefooted. I suddenly felt something very cold and wet underfoot. I looked down and it looked like a blob of filling from a mince pie only a bit runnier and wetter. I picked it up in tissue and sniffed it.

 

 

The fucking dirty bitch.

 

She later admitted to me that she had followed through but thought she had got away with it beacuse she thought the projectile had failed to squeeze past her cheeks. In other words, she went straight to the loo - which I remember her doing - and pulled out even more of the mince pie from her arse cheeks.

 

Surely even a sexual deviant into shit would not approve...?

 

 

And if you think that's bad, I've got a REALLY awful story about this bird and her bad habits...

__________________

More than ever, the country has gone to the dogs

 

 

 

And the second...

 

 

Re: Ladies Farting in Work

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernRed

Spill the beans!

 

Well, okay but Mr Knights comment about a right hook applies to this one more.

 

This bird had something of a hygeine problem, particularly under her arms. Anyway, I don't know if anyone else has come across this with any other bird but one day - I SWEAR TO GOD - her fanny took on an aroma of onion soup, which lingered for about a month. I noticed it when in close quarters with it and it took a few days before I plucked up the courage to tell her. She found it perplexing but also amusing. Fuckin hell, if your cock suddenly took on a highly unusual aroma would you A) Laugh it off or B) Shit yourself and go to the quacks or at least sort it out somehow.

 

Anyway, one day during the onion soup time, I was drunk enough to go down on her again - I basically tried to imagine she was French and not Welsh. While I was busy I suddenly noticed I was not alone. Nestling among her botty hairs was a perfectly formed and perfectly spherical nugget of brown gold. About 1/3 of an inch across.

 

For fuck's sake.

 

Suddenly the smell of onion soup became a pleasant distraction. I shot up and told her "I think you may have followed through with an earlier fart."

 

Guess what?

 

She laughed.

 

Guess what she said?

 

"I though I had."

 

 

Honestly, I feel fucking ill just typing this. And it happened in 1994.

__________________

More than ever, the country has gone to the dogs

[Big Ig]

18 Month relationship in a spot of bother, go on holiday to greece together, find out halfway through she's been cheating on me with her ex, spend another day and a half there, come home with three days left on the holiday, lots of crying and begging on her part, haven't seen her since we landed.

 

Woo her, fuck her, fuck her off. Cheaper catharsis than a holiday to Greece.

[RedKnight]

Cheers Paul, I appreciate that. And you're right.

Sorry Chris if I hijacked your thread but something you typed must have struck a chord.

 

On a lighter note, this bird is the same bird that I made two postings about on an earlier thread in June last year and, as some form of retribution, I reproduce them here...

 

 

Re: Ladies Farting in Work

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A bird I was living with years ago was stood near to me in the bedroom naked from the waist down. She stuck out her arse and did an awful sounding fart. This was not unusual for her in the extreme.

 

She went out shortly afterwards and I wandered across the bedroom barefooted. I suddenly felt something very cold and wet underfoot. I looked down and it looked like a blob of filling from a mince pie only a bit runnier and wetter. I picked it up in tissue and sniffed it.

 

 

The fucking dirty bitch.

 

She later admitted to me that she had followed through but thought she had got away with it beacuse she thought the projectile had failed to squeeze past her cheeks. In other words, she went straight to the loo - which I remember her doing - and pulled out even more of the mince pie from her arse cheeks.

 

Surely even a sexual deviant into shit would not approve...?

 

 

And if you think that's bad, I've got a REALLY awful story about this bird and her bad habits...

__________________

More than ever, the country has gone to the dogs

 

 

 

And the second...

 

 

Re: Ladies Farting in Work

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthernRed

Spill the beans!

 

Well, okay but Mr Knights comment about a right hook applies to this one more.

 

This bird had something of a hygeine problem, particularly under her arms. Anyway, I don't know if anyone else has come across this with any other bird but one day - I SWEAR TO GOD - her fanny took on an aroma of onion soup, which lingered for about a month. I noticed it when in close quarters with it and it took a few days before I plucked up the courage to tell her. She found it perplexing but also amusing. Fuckin hell, if your cock suddenly took on a highly unusual aroma would you A) Laugh it off or B) Shit yourself and go to the quacks or at least sort it out somehow.

 

Anyway, one day during the onion soup time, I was drunk enough to go down on her again - I basically tried to imagine she was French and not Welsh. While I was busy I suddenly noticed I was not alone. Nestling among her botty hairs was a perfectly formed and perfectly spherical nugget of brown gold. About 1/3 of an inch across.

 

For fuck's sake.

 

Suddenly the smell of onion soup became a pleasant distraction. I shot up and told her "I think you may have followed through with an earlier fart."

 

Guess what?

 

She laughed.

 

Guess what she said?

 

"I though I had."

 

 

Honestly, I feel fucking ill just typing this. And it happened in 1994.

__________________

More than ever, the country has gone to the dogs

 

I remember reading that first time round and pissing myself. Class the second time round too.

[Big Ig]

Jesus! And you mourn over that bird, chap? Fuck me, I'd be partying 364 days of the year at being clear of the mucky beeatch, then holding a wake for the poor fucker stuck with her on the other day!

[thechap]

Jesus! And you mourn over that bird, chap? Fuck me, I'd be partying 364 days of the year at being clear of the mucky beeatch, then holding a wake for the poor fucker stuck with her on the other day!

 

 

In the immortal words of Darth Vader: "There is no conflict."

[Big Ig]

Sorry TheChap, tactful as a gun salesman in Columbine, as per...

 

I blame the Jack Daniels. Maybe worth a try Chris, might go well with the arrowroot or whatever you're chomping on there

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Chris this happened to my mate , dreaming about his ex who he finished with on bad terms all the time, most nights in fact at one point. Five years on, the dreams still come every few weeks but there not painful for him or nothing anymore. As you said though in the first few months they used to just ruin his days after the dream. It will get easier especially when you meet someone else.

 

I used to have a recurring dream till I was about 6 that I was chewing on a rubber tyre, how fucked is that. I think I was grinding my teeth or something but whatever it was it was hanus. I still have a dream now aswell that ive had for as long as I can remember. Im a blind kung fu master, and I'm fighting hundreds of fellas, I swear to god its the most vivid dream ever. I went to karate for a bit incase it was a like a sign and I was going to be a legend. After a while I realised I ruled much more when I was blind in a dream, so I fucked it off and join the pool team instead.

[Paul]

Chris, I kind of forgot about your dilemma. I reckon you should have as much cheap and meaningless sex as possible, in between loads of nights out on the lash with the boys. Eventually you'll forget about her, forget about women in general and right at that moment the real love of your life will walk right round the corner. True dat.

[Karl_b]

Chris, I kind of forgot about your dilemma. I reckon you should have as much cheap and meaningless sex as possible, in between loads of nights out on the lash with the boys. Eventually you'll forget about her, forget about women in general and right at that moment the real love of your life will walk right round the corner. True dat.

 

Definitely the best way to go about it.

 

I was really cut up about 18 months ago after a girl I was seeing was doing the dirty with a really good friend of mine (Things weren't good with us anyway but I aren't going to talk about it as thats not the point Im trying to get across).

 

Anyway I was really down about it and I just went out with the lads (minus one obvious exception) a fair bit and always had a cracking night. Had a couple of quick flings and just remembered what being single is all about.

 

Then, just as Paul says, the most fantastic woman will spring either from nowhere or right under your nose and nothing will beat that.