I am in pain. Got spots all over my......

[zigackly]

Fuck Beechams. If you can't get pure ephedrine itself then you want Lemsip Flu Max. If you have ever watched Breaking Bad then you will know what I mean. If not, why not?

 

Rum is always the right answer too, as is a mahoosive curry and a bath that makes all your skin go red.

[Guest ShoePiss]

Haha weaklings. You should never get ill unless it's self induced.

[Liverpool lad]

Drink your own sponk, full of protein.

[melons]

You men are such moaners, it's not like your knob is broken or anything.

 

Edit, gargle salt water, or dip your knob in it - either way it'll do something.

[Preston Red]

Drink your own sponk, full of protein.

 

[md1892]

I just had a cornea transplant 3 week ago, got 27 stitches in my eye ball that stay in for 18 months, you don't hear me complaining ...... unless this counts as a complaint !

 

Itches like fuck and i can't touch the fucker.

 

Cheer up Sugar Ape it could be worse !

 

[Guest davelfc]

I just had a cornea transplant 3 week ago, got 27 stitches in my eye ball that stay in for 18 months, you don't hear me complaining ...... unless this counts as a complaint !

 

Itches like fuck and i can't touch the fucker.

 

Cheer up Sugar Ape it could be worse !

 

Well that made me feel a little daft, I had an apicoectomy over a week ago to one of my front teeth and have an upper lip/gum full of stitches, but it's a scratch compared to that.

[md1892]

 

Not any pain at least dave, your affliction doesn't sound to nice !

[zigackly]

If all else fails go outside and roll in the snow and then get into a plastic bag with a nude woman.

[stringvest]

I just had a cornea transplant 3 week ago, got 27 stitches in my eye ball that stay in for 18 months, you don't hear me complaining ...... unless this counts as a complaint !

 

Itches like fuck and i can't touch the fucker.

 

Cheer up Sugar Ape it could be worse !

 

 

Ouch.

[Sugar Ape]

I just had a cornea transplant 3 week ago, got 27 stitches in my eye ball that stay in for 18 months, you don't hear me complaining ...... unless this counts as a complaint !

 

Itches like fuck and i can't touch the fucker.

 

Cheer up Sugar Ape it could be worse !

 

 

You've got another eye, I've only got the one throat! Plus, you could wear a pirate eyepatch and look all mysterious. I, on the other hand, look and sound like I am days away from death.

[brucespanner]

You've got another eye, I've only got the one throat! Plus, you could wear a pirate eyepatch and look all mysterious. I, on the other hand, look and sound like I am days away from death.

 

Grow a set you fucking tart!

 

I stood on a plug about half hour ago and the pain still hasn't left me, I might have to take the week off work.

[Sugar Ape]

Grow a set you fucking tart!

 

I stood on a plug about half hour ago and the pain still hasn't left me, I might have to take the week off work.

 

You think that's bad, I went downstairs for a drink last night in the dark and walked into a metal door handle with my belly which left a big bruise. A BRUISE!

[brucespanner]

You think that's bad, I went downstairs for a drink last night in the dark and walked into a metal door handle with my belly which left a big bruise. A BRUISE!

 

A poorly sick throat and a bruise? Jesus Rape I think the glue factory is calling.

 

Be strong YNWA etc.

 

We'll sort the wake out and give you a proper send off.

[Sugar Ape]

A poorly sick throat and a bruise? Jesus Rape I think the glue factory is calling.

 

Be strong YNWA etc.

 

We'll sort the wake out and give you a proper send off.

 

If I don't make it, promise me you will keep Funnneeeee in the red. Carry on my lifes work.

[brucespanner]

If I don't make it, promise me you will keep Funnneeeee in the red. Carry on my lifes work.

 

He'll remain like the Euro-Zone, fret not my dear departed friend.

 

Say hello to Hendrix for me.

[Champ]

If I don't make it, promise me you will keep Funnneeeee in the red. Carry on my lifes work.

Minute's silence or minute's applause?

[brucespanner]

Minute's silence or minute's applause?

 

A minutes indifference perhaps?

[Pony Princess]

You have my sympathy Mr ape. And FYI guys tonsilitis is not a sore throat, its generally a week of agony, night hallucinations and fever. Fun fun.

[Sugar Ape]

A minutes indifference perhaps?

 

Without me Bruce you would wither and die. We are different sides of the same coin. To bean or not to bean.

 

Thanks for the sympathy CL, was that so hard you shower of cunts.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I had this the other week, lascerated ulcers at the back of my throat, three of them, fucking horrific, being the man I am I naturally just heated up the end of my hunting knife and pressed it against them, it was the only option really. Gave some nice side effects aswell like earache and jaw ache.

[Antynwa]

Get a pan of pure orange juice, 2 scoops of sugar, and a shit load of oranges put in.

 

Boil them all for about 15 minutes.

 

Before consuming get some Vic Vapour rub, and some cough sweets, but them in a bowl, towel over head and inhale.

 

Proceed to drink Pan of boiling hot pure orange juice.

 

THEN

 

Eat a shit hot curry to sooth the throat.

 

You'll smell dog shit from a mile away and you're throat will be eased.

[Guest davelfc]

I was plagued with tonsillitis until I was around 28 and had them out. No jelly, no ice cream, no iced drinks afterwards I was gutted.

 

A few years later I had tonsillitis again, Dr told me that the tonsillitis beds were still there, I could if I wanted have my throat scraped. I decided against it.

 

It's a terrible thing, high temperature and no energy, mine used to get coated in this white shite. Have them out, get the beds cleared at the same time but don't expect ice cream or jelly, I had to eat a roast the next day.

[Champ]

What is it with men and Beechams?

 

But, yeah, sounds like man flu....you'll be dead within a week

Sugar Ape, I am so sorry for not showing you the appropiate amount of sympathy. Now will you please lift the curse you put on me.

 

Ever since I belittled your pain I have had a flu-y thing that pinned me to the sofa for what seemed like days on end, that morphed into a cold and then just as I was starting to feel better I developed this raging ache in my lower jaw yesterday evening that has now spead up the side of my face. Ended up at A&E earlier on. Couldnt tell me what was wrong but am now dosed up on ibupofen and co-codamol. I never get ill.

 

I will never be mean to you again

[Sugar Ape]

Sugar Ape, I am so sorry for not showing you the appropiate amount of sympathy. Now will you please lift the curse you put on me.

 

Ever since I belittled your pain I have had a flu-y thing that pinned me to the sofa for what seemed like days on end, that morphed into a cold and then just as I was starting to feel better I developed this raging ache in my lower jaw yesterday evening that has now spead up the side of my face. Ended up at A&E earlier on. Couldnt tell me what was wrong but am now dosed up on ibupofen and co-codamol. I never get ill.

 

I will never be mean to you again

 

You have my sympathy. When I went the doctors I found I had viral Laryngitis coupled with man flu and an earache. Bad times. I found lying on the couch and feeling sorry for myself helped. Don't expect much sympathy on here though!