Instant cunt identifiers

[RJ Fan club]

People who have either having attended University of Life or School of Hard Knocks on social media profiles.

 

Complete bellends

[RedKnight]

Same as the knobs who have 'full time mummy' as an occupation. That shit is not a job.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Same as the knobs who have 'full time mummy' as an occupation. That shit is not a job.

 

Melon's would kick your ass.

[RedKnight]

It's not a job, whatever you want to call it, you don't get paid for it.

[Elite]

People who have either having attended University of Life or School of Hard Knocks on social media profiles.

 

Complete bellends

Full time fucking legend is the worst one.

[Furmedge]

Same as the knobs who have 'full time mummy' as an occupation. That shit is not a job.

Riles me this one as well. My missus works in a hospital, puts in 10 hour shifts daily and comes home to a 3 year old and 1 year old, gets them up, puts them to bed, clothes, washes and feeds them amongst a lot of other things. Does that make her a part time mum? Does it fuck, it makes her a good role model to her kids and she still makes time to help them develop into good human beings.

 

Also, isn't a full time job usually 37.5 - 40hrs per week? So she's a full time Senior Chief Respiratory Clinical Physiologist AND full time mum.

[Moctezuma]

People who shake your hand dead hard. Fuck off. It doesn't make me think you're a dependable, trustworthy go-getter. It actually makes me think you're a try hard, no mark cunt.

 

It's all about trying to leave a psychological impact, there are confrences I've been to where at the end I think i'm going to need to have my hand amputated given the crushing it has recieved during the day. People shouldn't need to do it their force of personality/product or service their selling should leave an imprint not their sodding paw.

[lifetime fan]

Riles me this one as well. My missus works in a hospital, puts in 10 hour shifts daily and comes home to a 3 year old and 1 year old, gets them up, puts them to bed, clothes, washes and feeds them amongst a lot of other things. Does that make her a part time mum? Does it fuck, it makes her a good role model to her kids and she still makes time to help them develop into good human beings.

 

Also, isn't a full time job usually 37.5 - 40hrs per week? So she's a full time Senior Chief Respiratory Clinical Physiologist AND full time mum.

You've got her well trained.

[Champ]

It's all about trying to leave a psychological impact, there are confrences I've been to where at the end I think i'm going to need to have my hand amputated given the crushing it has recieved during the day. People shouldn't need to do it their force of personality/product or service their selling should leave an imprint not their sodding paw.

 

Always preferable to a sopping paw, in my book

[Furmedge]

You've got her well trained.

She needs a paying job to fund her spending habits.

[rubble-rouser]

People using the phonetic alphabet to spell out their name or postcode. 

 

Charlie Uniform November Tango Sierra

[Champ]

People using the phonetic alphabet to spell out their name or postcode. 

 

Charlie Uniform November Tango Sierra

There's a lot of that nonsense at work. Just say the word and I'll have a better idea what you're on about. And we'll be sorted in half the time

[Mook]

People using the phonetic alphabet to spell out their name or postcode.

 

Charlie Uniform November Tango Sierra

I've never learned it (where the fuck do people learn it anyway?) so when people ask if it's an 'n' or an 'm', I'll say something daft like 'it's an n, for necrophiliac.'.

[Curly]

It's all about trying to leave a psychological impact, there are confrences I've been to where at the end I think i'm going to need to have my hand amputated given the crushing it has recieved during the day. People shouldn't need to do it their force of personality/product or service their selling should leave an imprint not their sodding paw.

When people do it to me now, and I can react in time, I let my hand go completely limp and stroke theirs on the way out. I might add a seductive wink.

[Stouffer]

There's a lot of that nonsense at work. Just say the word and I'll have a better idea what you're on about. And we'll be sorted in half the time

That doesn't work over a radio network.

[matt1983]

I've never learned it (where the fuck do people learn it anyway?) so when people ask if it's an 'n' or an 'm', I'll say something daft like 'it's an n, for necrophiliac.'.

I had to learn it for using the radio at work, and without wanting to sound like a daft racist, it can be a massive time saver when spelling things to people in foreign call centres. Like the DVLA.

[Champ]

That doesn't work over a radio network.

 

Maybe not, but then I'm not talking to them on a radio

[JagSquared]

People using the phonetic alphabet to spell out their name or postcode.

 

Charlie Uniform November Tango Sierra

I have to do this as everyone fucks up my name. It's easier to spell it out and even then I need to use the phonetically.

[Bjornebye]

Anyone who drives with one arm over the wheel and the other holding their chin, sitting slightly sideways trying to look important or deep in thought. Usually drug dealers in range rovers. I may have posted this before but they are still cunts. 

[Section_31]

Anyone who tells you theirs or their spouse's sallary unbidden.

[Bjornebye]

Anyone who tells you theirs or their spouse's sallary unbidden.

 

I'm going to tell a story and pretty much do what you hate but I am a cunt anyway so fuck it. Lad in our work, bad bellend was sat in the canteen talking about becoming an ambulance technician. He was saying how they do all the work on the ambulances and are the main life savers, more qualified than paramedics etc. I was sat quietly fucking about on my phone on here, listening but not bothering to tell him he was chatting out of his arse. A lad I know well, obviously bored of this cunts shite went "Damien knows a bit about that actually, what does your missus do again mate?" I looked up and went "Paramedic". The lad spent the next 5 minutes backtracking in the most cringe inducing manner in the world while people just laughed at him. Whats the point in bullshitting? They aren't even properly registered the twat. 

[littletedwest]

Seen some lad with a tshirt on that had the Adidas logo on but replaced with a canabis leaf on and the word addicted instead of Adidas.

 

I suspect that lad had tasted prison food.

[Curly]

People who answer "10 minutes ago" to a question relating to a deadline. This could be someone you are friendly with or just another self important office cunt. Examples:

 

To a co-worker, "When do you need that sending over mate?"......"10 minutes ago". Oh right, well I'll make sure I get straight onto doing something you've only just requested, but you have obviously fucked a deadline for. 10 minutes ago you say? I'll make sure it's with you tomorrow, you self important cunt.

 

To a friend/partner/relative, "When do you want to leave by?"...."10 minutes ago". Oh, ok. Well whatever assistance I was going to offer to help you get going quicker as I can see you are already late is now off the table. I may even hide your car keys too, you taking things out on the wrong person, running late cunt.

[Stu Monty]

People using the phonetic alphabet to spell out their name or postcode.

 

Charlie Uniform November Tango Sierra

Really?

 

Rather than keep repeating the same thing, over and over again to some bloke in India pretending to be called "John".

[King Emlyn]

Still people who begin their sentence with the word so.