Which player do you most play like?

[Paul]

Christ, Paul, you play at dinner with the kids? I think if one of our teachers tried to join us for a game of footy at break when I was at school one of us would have tried to injure him!

 

I play every day. We have a massive 25-a-side match. It's a laugh. It wasn't so funny before the Year 11s left, mind you - they're too big to intimidate as completely as you can the little ones and therefore they take the piss as they're too good.

[Stouffer]

I have the looks of Peter Atherton and the dirtiness of Roy Keane, Julian Dicks and Neil Ruddock combined (it's fair to say I am a right dirty bastard).

 

Unfortunately my current physique is that of Djibril Cissé.

 

[Hazel Motes]

Glenn Hysén, but without the grey hairs.

[Faustus]

Like a cross between Franz Beckenbauer and Titus Bramble- or 'Bramblebauer' as one of my mates calls me.

 

I play at the back and am capable of pulling off seemingly impossible tackles and then 30 seconds later, I can fuck up the simplest of back passes to let the opposing striker nip in and score.

 

Actually, strike that one.

 

The chemistry between me and my mate at Friday footy tonight was Gerrard and Torres-esque. I actually think Stevie and Nando could have learned a few things if they watched the pair of us tonight.

[Joe Le Taxi]

Christ, Paul, you play at dinner with the kids? I think if one of our teachers tried to join us for a game of footy at break when I was at school one of us would have tried to injure him!

 

The teachers at our school were so funny and always joined in with us and I can remember we had a students vs teachers match on my last day of year 11, first lesson P.E. I remember tracking back half of the pitch and just sliding my Science teacher and bringing him down in a heap. It fucking ruled because we had double P.E so it was just 2 hours of students vs teachers in a war.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

I don't play any more, since I hit 40 but what stopped me was the pain in my knees when turning and therefore difficulty getting the ball under control. And the fact that hitting 35 coincided with me becoming a fat bastard. So, it's Dossena then.

[Section_31]

Sean Dundee

[deadlash]

Emlyn, sometimes Emlyn...Sometimes Joey!!!

 

I always fancied being Pele. xxx

[Liverpool lad]

I am a jack of all trades master of none, so Phil Neville

[Joe Le Taxi]

Facebook say i'm Kaka.

[Brownie]

Like Brownie says, you need someone else to say really. If I had to pick a player it would probably be something like Mascherano; although I can pass and shoot it's my workrate, tackling and reading that probably stand out.

 

Yeah i'd say that's a decent comparison, style-wise (compliment!). I remember when we first played 5-aside and I was doing all these little flicks and bits of skill and Dave was laughing his head off about how much I hated Garcia, yet played a bit like him!

 

So there you go, I am Luis Garcia apparently!

[Paul]

The teachers at our school were so funny and always joined in with us and I can remember we had a students vs teachers match on my last day of year 11, first lesson P.E. I remember tracking back half of the pitch and just sliding my Science teacher and bringing him down in a heap. It fucking ruled because we had double P.E so it was just 2 hours of students vs teachers in a war.

 

We don't allow teachers vs pupils any more. We did it years ago, but the kids got hurt. There was no malice, but most 16 year olds, no matter how developed, can't touch adults for strength in a competitive game. When five a side was still on the go at work, we'd have quite a few old boys who'd come back and play. That was shit though - they were too good.

[Stu Monty]

We don't allow teachers vs pupils any more. We did it years ago, but the kids got hurt. There was no malice, but most 16 year olds, no matter how developed, can't touch adults for strength in a competitive game. When five a side was still on the go at work, we'd have quite a few old boys who'd come back and play. That was shit though - they were too good.

 

When I was in the 6th form we used to have a regular game of 5-a-side against some of the teachers. Squaring up to a cunt of a teacher and pushing him in the face is something most pupils can only dream of; I have lived that dream. I dared to fly that close to the sun.

[05 Milan]

I think I'm a bit like Li'l Luis too. Lightweight, ok pace, eye for a pass but needs time on the ball, shit tackling, pops up with the odd goal, probably best in the hole behind the striker but deployed on the right wing.

[grazywalker]

The Doss on weed

[discuit]

People who don't track back should be gassed.

 

Come the revolution, they will be.

 

I don't think anyone would have a choice in not tracking back if you were on their team.

 

I'd say you were more like, dare i Say it, Roy Keane. I don't think I have ever heard anyone give more abuse/encouragement out to their team in the times I've seen you play on a Thursday.

[Woo]

People who don't track back should be gassed.

 

Come the revolution, they will be.

 

People who don't track back force opposition defenders not to travel forward, and to sit deeper, thus eliminating the need to track back.

[Woo]

And I get compared by most as a poor man's Robbie Folwer. And poor in terms of finances, not ability.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I am the bastard child of Paul Stewart and Salif Diao.

[Unrighteous]

People who don't track back force opposition defenders not to travel forward, and to sit deeper, thus eliminating the need to track back.

 

Offsides!

[discuit]

Unrighteous is similar to Wayne Gretzky. Or the "Fridge"

[Woo]

Offsides!

 

Stand by the half way line. Problem solved.

[Ted]

I'm like a black Earl Barrett.

[Guest Ulysses Everett McGill]

Where is Mr Heaton? Isn't he supposed to be a good goalkeeper? Massimo Taibi or Pepe Reina; Andy?

 

Vitor Baia

[Joe Le Taxi]

We don't allow teachers vs pupils any more. We did it years ago, but the kids got hurt. There was no malice, but most 16 year olds, no matter how developed, can't touch adults for strength in a competitive game. When five a side was still on the go at work, we'd have quite a few old boys who'd come back and play. That was shit though - they were too good.

 

That's bollocks. We did it in the pissing rain everyone wearing boots, full tackles no holding back. The students at your school are fucking weak! Yes we got out-muscled but we have a few players who play/played for teams' academies.

 

People who don't track back force opposition defenders not to travel forward, and to sit deeper, thus eliminating the need to track back.

 

Then you're Berbatov.