The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread

[Total Longo]

24 minutes ago, stringvest said:

see what you should have said is 'I didn't know they'd started making tyres with air in then'.  That would have been funnier.

My brain is almost as decrepit as my body, i'm afraid. 

[Section_31]

Just been out with the Mrs and was in some bar that was wall to wall poontang. Like Baywatch style.

 

Loads of young birds dancing and craving attention.

 

And yet....

 

All the lads were sat there in raincoats and shorts. Heads in hands. Absolutely oblivious. Worst thing is, I was just as fucking clueless back then too, just not so scruffy.

 

There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone, and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit.

 

 

[Evelyn Tentions]

On 14/04/2022 at 01:52, Elite said:

How quickly you put weight on.

 

I've always been able to eat loads and stay relatively lean but no chance anymore, a few weeks of over indulgence and I end up looking like Buddha.

I've been stacking on the pounds since my early 60s. Many friends and the kids at school call me Happy Buddha. Except for the cheeky klids who pat my belly and say "baby".

 

[TheBitch]

On 13/04/2022 at 19:52, Elite said:

How quickly you put weight on.

 

I've always been able to eat loads and stay relatively lean but no chance anymore, a few weeks of over indulgence and I end up looking like Buddha.

This all day fucking long. It’s actually getting me down now. 

I’ve always been skinny, I used to try to put weight on and couldn’t and now hey fucking ho it’s here to stay. 
 

I like a beer or two, but I’ve always liked a beer or two, this god damn pandemic and lockdown increased my drinking at home because of sheer boredom and my love of the taste of different beers, couple that with a lack of exercise and I no longer fit into my 34” waist shorts or jeans. 
 

I should probably have a couple of months off the ale and do more exercise but there’s literally no fun in that. 

[sir roger]

I've actually lost nearly 2 stone since I got made redundant in 2016 mainly because the only part of work I enjoyed was the eating at breakfast and dinner. A normal day was a McDonalds double sausage McMuffin meal for brekky and a sandwich, pastie and a cake from Greggs or a takeaway from the Lobster pot at dinner and a pint after work. Haven't missed the job for a second but do miss some of the food and drink.

[Trumo]

12 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

This all day fucking long. It’s actually getting me down now. 

I’ve always been skinny, I used to try to put weight on and couldn’t and now hey fucking ho it’s here to stay. 
 

I like a beer or two, but I’ve always liked a beer or two, this god damn pandemic and lockdown increased my drinking at home because of sheer boredom and my love of the taste of different beers, couple that with a lack of exercise and I no longer fit into my 34” waist shorts or jeans. 
 

I should probably have a couple of months off the ale and do more exercise but there’s literally no fun in that. 

 

From your photos you look like a tall fella. You must have been like Crouchie!

 

 

[Captain Turdseye]

16 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

This all day fucking long. It’s actually getting me down now. 

I’ve always been skinny, I used to try to put weight on and couldn’t and now hey fucking ho it’s here to stay. 
 

I like a beer or two, but I’ve always liked a beer or two, this god damn pandemic and lockdown increased my drinking at home because of sheer boredom and my love of the taste of different beers, couple that with a lack of exercise and I no longer fit into my 34” waist shorts or jeans. 
 

I should probably have a couple of months off the ale and do more exercise but there’s literally no fun in that. 

This is making me feel better because I’ve been depressed at not fitting into some of my 32” stuff. 
 

However, your hair and beard piss all over mine, you fat fuck. 

[TheBitch]

7 minutes ago, Trumo said:

 

From your photos you look like a tall fella. You must have been like Crouchie!

 

 

Now I’m Crouchie with a pot belly. It’s fucking shite. 

[Section_31]

The Bitch arriving at the next TLW reunion night out. 

 

 

[DalyanPete]

Family are here this week so game of footy on a basketball pitch. Started with, move there grandad, play a 1 2. Ended with me saying, I'm quite happy where I am thanks.

Still feeling the aches and pains 3 days later 

[TheBitch]

20 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

The Bitch arriving at the next TLW reunion night out. 

 

 

It’s sickening because it’s true. 

[VladimirIlyich]

On 14/04/2022 at 11:35, stringvest said:

I was in my mid-20s, you cheeky get.  But then again, maybe 'youth' was pushing it a bit.  

I love the way you knock the first two digits off your age nowadays. Nice move Zeus.

[Elite]

3 hours ago, TheBitch said:

This all day fucking long. It’s actually getting me down now. 

I’ve always been skinny, I used to try to put weight on and couldn’t and now hey fucking ho it’s here to stay. 
 

I like a beer or two, but I’ve always liked a beer or two, this god damn pandemic and lockdown increased my drinking at home because of sheer boredom and my love of the taste of different beers, couple that with a lack of exercise and I no longer fit into my 34” waist shorts or jeans. 
 

I should probably have a couple of months off the ale and do more exercise but there’s literally no fun in that. 

Beer is the killer for me as well.

 

Even a few cans a few times a week, as that leads to raiding the cupboards.

 

[stringvest]

4 hours ago, TheBitch said:

This all day fucking long. It’s actually getting me down now. 

I’ve always been skinny, I used to try to put weight on and couldn’t and now hey fucking ho it’s here to stay. 
 

I like a beer or two, but I’ve always liked a beer or two, this god damn pandemic and lockdown increased my drinking at home because of sheer boredom and my love of the taste of different beers, couple that with a lack of exercise and I no longer fit into my 34” waist shorts or jeans. 
 

I should probably have a couple of months off the ale and do more exercise but there’s literally no fun in that. 

you were like a racing snake last time I saw you Rich.  I've put two stone on since lockdown.  Combination of working at home, no exercise due to a torn meniscus in my knee, and a wife who is a superb cook.  I've got to get the weight off before CL final day.  Between football match days, I'm on a fast.

[A Red]

My gym bag is on the chair in my office, all packed and ready to go. Its been there 3 months. I hate myself.

[RedKnight]

Also at my heaviest I've been in over a decade (a stone added on in 6 months) so having really work hard to shift it at 40. Putting it up there with my toughest challenge.

[GR10 LFC]

Went up to Anfield this morning to pay my respects to the 97. Reading the names and ages on the memorial, it struck me that only 3 of them are older than me now. I’m 52 later this year and I think that really struck me more than ever how young most of them were. 

[Captain Howdy]

56 minutes ago, RedKnight said:

Also at my heaviest I've been in over a decade (a stone added on in 6 months) so having really work hard to shift it at 40. Putting it up there with my toughest challenge.

40 is easy wait till you hit 50, if you want to lose weight post 50 you basically need to not eat.

[TheBitch]

5 hours ago, stringvest said:

you were like a racing snake last time I saw you Rich.  I've put two stone on since lockdown.  Combination of working at home, no exercise due to a torn meniscus in my knee, and a wife who is a superb cook.  I've got to get the weight off before CL final day.  Between football match days, I'm on a fast.

Because of my height I can hide it but it’s there mate.

 

I catch a look of myself in the mirror and it’s not the man I used to be, so I look up a bit and thankfully I’ve still got all my hair and beard. It’s the only thing keeping me going.
 

MrsTB lies really, really well and says I look good and I look no different, god love that woman. 

4 hours ago, RedKnight said:

Also at my heaviest I've been in over a decade (a stone added on in 6 months) so having really work hard to shift it at 40. Putting it up there with my toughest challenge.

For me the worst part is that I couldn’t put weight on in my youth when I wanted to, I ate and drank like Robert Baratheon for the most part too. 
What’s that all about, man?

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Going to see Simple Minds tomorrow and will have to pace myself, not so much dancing as rhythmical swaying then days of aches.

[RedKnight]

1 hour ago, TheBitch said:

Because of my height I can hide it but it’s there mate.

 

I catch a look of myself in the mirror and it’s not the man I used to be, so I look up a bit and thankfully I’ve still got all my hair and beard. It’s the only thing keeping me going.
 

MrsTB lies really, really well and says I look good and I look no different, god love that woman. 

For me the worst part is that I couldn’t put weight on in my youth when I wanted to, I ate and drank like Robert Baratheon for the most part too. 
What’s that all about, man?

Has to be metabolism doesn't it? Yours must have been like a Ferrari and now it's like a Ford.

[Section_31]

Yeah it's standard middle aged degradation. I knew a cage fighter who told me that after 40 he could no longer eat Monster Munch. That's exactly how he worded it.

[Elite]

2 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Yeah it's standard middle aged degradation. I knew a cage fighter who told me that after 40 he could no longer eat Monster Munch. That's exactly how he worded it.

"Sir, you are now clinically obese and need to make some drastic changes to your lifestyle."

 

"It's the fucking Monster Munch isn't it."

[Rico1304]

5 hours ago, Captain Howdy said:

40 is easy wait till you hit 50, if you want to lose weight post 50 you basically need to not eat.

Thanks. 

[Captain Willard]

Once you’re over 55; never trust that it’s just a fart, never decline an opportunity to have a pee and never waste an erection even if you’re on your own.