The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread

[TheBitch]

Indigestion, heartburn, the fuck is this all about?

[Elite]

37 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Going full, "Yer Da," on holiday by wearing a T-shirt in the sea the last few days. It's so hot and the sun very intense so I'm not risking sunburn on my shoulders and back. MrsD and KidD are blessed with Mediterranean skin which tans rather than blisters like mine 

I wear kids factor 50, I'd sooner be super pale than suffer even one night of sunburn. Fuck that.

[dockers_strike]

Your farts seems to smell stronger and hang around longer too!

[stringvest]

17 minutes ago, dockers_strike said:

Your farts seems to smell stronger and hang around longer too!

that's cos your spine is crumbling away to nothing so your nose is getting closer to your arsehole.

[Captain Turdseye]

I went to the unmentionable on Saturday and now I can barely walk. My calves and shoulders are fucking screaming every time I move. I didn’t even walk very far, relatively speaking. 
 

The multiple sclerosis might have something to do with it but I’m definitely feeling like an old man. 

[bossy]

I’m going to see Gilbert O’Sullivan.  

[stringvest]

28 minutes ago, bossy said:

I’m going to see Gilbert O’Sullivan.  

on your own, naturally

[Harry's Lad]

24 minutes ago, stringvest said:

on your own, naturally

No mate. He's taking Clare.

[Chairman Meow]

4 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I went to the unmentionable on Saturday and now I can barely walk. My calves and shoulders are fucking screaming every time I move. I didn’t even walk very far, relatively speaking. 
 

The multiple sclerosis might have something to do with it but I’m definitely feeling like an old man. 

 

Do I need to get cracking on names I want added to the list in case you start degenerating quickly?

[Captain Willard]

3 hours ago, Harry's Lad said:

No mate. He's taking Clare.

[Captain Turdseye]

19 minutes ago, Chairman Meow said:

 

Do I need to get cracking on names I want added to the list in case you start degenerating quickly?

If you could round them all up in one place, you’d be making my murder/suicide a lot more straightforward. 

[KMD7]

4 hours ago, bossy said:

I’m going to see Gilbert O’Sullivan.  

Saw him a few years ago. Was really good.

[Chairman Meow]

7 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

If you could round them all up in one place, you’d be making my murder/suicide a lot more straightforward. 

I'll try but there are quite a lot of them

[bossy]

6 hours ago, stringvest said:

on your own, naturally

Tried to think of a suitable comeback but nothing rhymed.

[Waitak]

I’m going to see Gilbert O’Sullivan.  

 

....but you end up watching a performance of "The Pirates of Penzance" 'cos you misread the ticket...

[Harry's Lad]

11 hours ago, bossy said:

Tried to think of a suitable comeback but nothing rhymed.

How are you going to Get Down there?

[bossy]

38 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

How are you going to Get Down there?

I’m not sure, it’s quarter to ten and we’re supposed to be there by nine. Jeez we know our Gilbert don’t we?

[Harry's Lad]

58 minutes ago, bossy said:

I’m not sure, it’s quarter to ten and we’re supposed to be there by nine. Jeez we know our Gilbert don’t we?

I think I'll leave it there before I incriminate myself further. People will Naturally be taking the piss otherwise.

[sir roger]

rep for anyone who can work Ooh wackadoo whackaday subtlely into a post.

[stringvest]

19 hours ago, bossy said:

Tried to think of a suitable comeback but nothing rhymed.

that's brain atrophy

[lifetime fan]

On a training course today and there’s a little blonde fitty on our table. 
 

You have to do the usual introductions and bullshit and a different woman asked me what year I started in care? 
 

Me: 1999
Fitty: That was the year I was born!

[lifetime fan]

I didn’t fancy the cunt anyway. 

[littletedwest]

Someone at work mentioned "i heard you used to be able to smoke in pubs"

 

I thought well the smoking ban is recent, until I realised it was 15 years ago

[Elite]

1 hour ago, littletedwest said:

Someone at work mentioned "i heard you used to be able to smoke in pubs"

 

I thought well the smoking ban is recent, until I realised it was 15 years ago

Nightclubs were the worst. Like a witches cauldron of Nicotine, Sweat and Joop.

[manwiththestick]

1 hour ago, Elite said:

Nightclubs were the worst. Like a witches cauldron of Nicotine, Sweat and Joop.

I think that was the demise of clubs when the smoke wasn't there to mask the smells.