Premier League Round Up (Nov 25-27 2023)

[tlw content]

 

Chelsea followed up their impressive 4-4 draw with Man City by shitting all down their own leg at St James’ Park. They’re definitely the most unpredictable team in the league. How can you possibly predict their results? Bonkers team. Generally they’ve played alright but they’re crap in both boxes and it's difficult to win regularly with those glaring weaknesses.

 

They fell behind early against Saudi Arabia when they left Isak all alone in the middle of the box and he finished well. Chelsea then equalised in the most unlikely of circumstances. And I mean that literally, because I’d have said there was more chance of the keeper scoring with a clearance from inside his own box than there was of Sterling planting a free-kick in the top corner from 25 yards. He’s one of the last players on earth I’d want taking a free-kick, but fair dos, that was fucking boss. He did that thing that Ronaldo has been trying and failing with for 15 years. That one where you hit it on the valve with your laces and it dips wildly. Honestly, that’s such a great strike and it’s a huge shock, proving that the sun does indeed even shine on a dog’s arse somedays. Bet he could never do that again if you gave him a thousand tries.

 

That was as good as it got for Chelsea though. Reece James had a torrid time, probably because he’s a right fat cunt. Seriously, look at the fucking size of him and his big arse. What’s he been doing during that injury layoff? Entering hot dog eating contests in America? Proper fat cunt. Seeing him waddling after Anthony Gordon was just embarrassing. Should be ashamed of himself getting into that state. He looked like he was pulling two caravans. 

 

Trippier hit the bar with a free-kick before Lascelles headed them in front from a Gordon cross. Terrible defending from Chelsea and seconds later it was 3-1 when Joelinton took advantage of even worse defending. Thiago Silva had an absolute Jon Walters of a game. There’s a viral clip of him trying to do a little trick and then just falling over and conceding a corner, and for that third goal he makes the kind of mistake you just never see from a player like him. Father Time might have finally landed a knockout blow on him, which is a shame as he’s been an incredible player.

 

Chelsea were all over the place after that and James got sent off for a second yellow when he pulled Gordon back. Obviously Gordon made a right meal of it as that’s what he does. Vile cunt him.

 

James’ first booking was a bit harsh I thought. Technically he kicked the ball away but the ball comes to him just as the whistle goes and he’s about to be challenged. He instinctively just flicks the ball around the corner. I’m not saying he didn’t know what he was doing, but there’s enough doubt there that you shouldn’t card him for it. To then pull Gordon back when you’re already on a booking is just fucking stupid, but maybe he had a Just Eat order from Maccies waiting for him in the dressing room?

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[stringvest]

'I’m going so soft and sentimental in my old age though, I get emotional all the time these days. I had a Taylor Swift song on in the car the other day and filled up.'

 

That's the first time I've ever heard about someone having to go into a petrol station after hearing a song on the wireless.

[manwiththestick]

I was thinking of that Frederico Macheda bum from a few years back.

[DalyanPete]

They really have wasted the go fund me money on the banners, absolutely shite.

The Police, We'll be watching you? Wtf.

Think you missed a trick though Dave.

Bon Jovi, Going down in a blaze of glory.

 

[dave u]

4 hours ago, DalyanPete said:

They really have wasted the go fund me money on the banners, absolutely shite.

The Police, We'll be watching you? Wtf.

Think you missed a trick though Dave.

Bon Jovi, Going down in a blaze of glory.

 

 

Oh yeah the "We'll be watching you" one was amazing. They seem to think they actually carry some sort of power and influence, when the reality is nobody cares. As if the PL or Sky are going to be worried about what Everton fans think. "Messed with the wrong club". Really? Ok, what are you gonna do then? Fly planes that no-one sees, hold up little leaflets and boo, only no-one can be quite sure what the booing is for as its such a regular occurrence it could be for anything.

[DalyanPete]

1 hour ago, dave u said:

 

Oh yeah the "We'll be watching you" one was amazing. They seem to think they actually carry some sort of power and influence, when the reality is nobody cares. As if the PL or Sky are going to be worried about what Everton fans think. "Messed with the wrong club". Really? Ok, what are you gonna do then? Fly planes that no-one sees, hold up little leaflets and boo, only no-one can be quite sure what the booing is for as its such a regular occurrence it could be for anything.

As you say it's just self written comedy gold. Toffeetv said the 1878 group had done great work!

I saw mention that the 'corrupt' had somehow influenced the Luton result? Don't think they know how but just because.

I'm particularly loving the deduction has come at a good time as they can deffo survive? I don't think it's that easy, the other clubs must have got a great boost.

[Arnaud]

It’s crazy how some one can be so good at writing about football and be so wrong about music ….

[rubble-rouser]

For Johnny Sac, read Usher