Toilets

[Trumo]

1 hour ago, cochyn said:

 It’s all about posture when you poo: get your arse as close to the ground as possible and you’ll have no earthly need for fancy whiz bangs that mechanically douche and dry your rusty bullet-hole.

 

Yup. Just get a cheap plastic footstool to prop your feet on while you're sitting on the throne, and you'll have a decent squatting posture with which to unload your freshly baked, with minimal bogroll required afterwards.

[Strontium]

I am old school and finish off with wet wipes. Moist toilet tissues technically, but nobody likes the word moist. 

[RJ Fan club]

One of the great pleasures of travelling to Japan is knowing you’ll be treated to a khasi which will prevent you arse looking like their national flag.

 

They’re fucking light years ahead over there. Toilets with heated seats, piped in sounds, fragranced, arse washers with variable temperature and pressure jets... all mod cons.

 

I once watched Katherine Jenkins pushing her chest out to reach the big notes on the worlds largest plasma screen at the Panasonic Centre in Tokyo about 20 years ago. The only way the experience could be more joyful would be that I was able to sit on a Japanese toilet having my ring washed while doing so

[Strontium]

We have bidets in Spain, but I just use them to clean sand off my shoes.

[Bjornebye]

8 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

We have bidets in Spain, but I just use them to clean sand off my shoes.

Have you moved? 

[magicrat]

Get yourselves one of these bad boys . Great fun when you get the shits. 

 

 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, magicrat said:

Get yourselves one of these bad boys . Great fun when you get the shits. 

 

 

Is it tradition not to clean up afterwards as well? 

[magicrat]

Just now, Bjornebye said:

Is it tradition not to clean up afterwards as well? 

In my experience of these in Greece and Turkey its traditional to leave them well pebble-dashed for the next tourist to enjoy . 

[Stickman]

Got one of these bad boys years ago and never looked back

 

[rb14]

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Or just wipe it properly you filthy fucker 

That's a contradiction in terms, "wipe" and "properly". What you're actually doing is smearing geck around your hoop. Skank.

 

2 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

Baby wipes > toilet paper

That is true but they're still only a marginal step up. Like a Ford Escort L against an Ford Escort GL. And they're pretty bad for the sewer. If you flush them down the bog they're bad, and if you don't flush them down the bog they're bad and stink. 

 

2 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Trying to talk my missus into getting one of those hand spray attachments for the Bog. 

These are a very good alternative. Trouble is, they need a hot and cold connection to avoid getting icicles or blisters on your hoop. Or both.

 

1 hour ago, Dr Nowt said:

What's the Flory one like, RB?

It's actually very good. In fact, in some ways I prefer it to the Toto. We went el cheapo (they really weren't) on the Totos and didn't get the warm air drier included. So like £1m instead of £1.1m. So we're forced to use paper or a flannel to dry off properly. And that IS doable, but it's a faff. And a bit hmmmm. The cheapo Flory from Amazon includes a drier and the whole thing actually works extremely well. In fact I'd recommend it.

 

What's noticeable on the Toto is we also bought the whole shebang including the pans. The pans NEVER EVER get skiddies. Well, maybe once in a blue moon. Their porcelain is like mega good and they have a special swirly flush which also does a great job cleaning up and lingering detritus.

 

The other thing that both have is a de-stink filter. So I'm NEVER surrounded by a fetid, noisome stench. In fact my bathroom is like a fragrant garden with butterflies, songbirds and bounteous flowering shrubs. Come to think of it I've never changed said filters. Ever. Ten years for the Toto and five for the Flory. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

We have bidets in Spain, but I just use them to clean sand off my shoes.

The plot thickens.

 

I also use wipes, alternating between toilet rolls and wipes up to four times. The moisture is important for good feeling. Dry toilet roll becomes abrasive. I stand with you on the word moist.

 

Moist.

[tokyojoe]

[Barrington Womble]

The bogs in Japan are great. I'm doing my bathroom soon and getting one. 

[Edward.]

2 hours ago, RJ Fan club said:

One of the great pleasures of travelling to Japan is knowing you’ll be treated to a khasi which will prevent you arse looking like their national flag.

 

They’re fucking light years ahead over there. Toilets with heated seats, piped in sounds, fragranced, arse washers with variable temperature and pressure jets... all mod cons.

 

 

Got one of those in a pub in Newcastle, my wife thought I’d fucked off I was gone that long.

[VladimirIlyich]

3 hours ago, Edward. said:

Got one of those in a pub in Newcastle, my wife thought I’d fucked off I was gone that long.

Newcastle Brown.

[Captain Howdy]

Wet wipes are where the party’s at.

[Rico1304]

I’ve shaved my arse today, number 1 on the number 2. 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 minute ago, Rico1304 said:

I’ve shaved my arse today, number 1 on the number 2. 

That is disgusting. What kind of deviant are you?

[Rico1304]

6 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

That is disgusting. What kind of deviant are you?

My arse hair has been growing for 48 years. I need a trim and edge. 

[Bjornebye]

13 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

I’ve shaved my arse today, number 1 on the number 2. 

 

 

[Rico1304]

Anyone remember the Viz adverts for Clag-gone and Winnet- away? 

[Remmie]

I loved the old bumgun arsecannons in Thailand (I'm sure that everyone will take this the way it was intended) which were highly necessary in humid and hammered shitting through the eye of a needle scenarios. I don't know why I have got one. 

 

*goes off the Google flory*

[rb14]

1 hour ago, Remmie said:

I loved the old bumgun arsecannons... 

 

*goes off the Google flory*

Bumguns are a great Aldi-esque alternative. They double up as a cheapo-toilet-pan-skiddy blaster. 

 

You'll be very much more pleasederer when you bite the two hundred odd knicker bullet and get your Flory. Warm botty cheeks, no whiff and a sparkling, hot-air-dried dirtbox. 

[Bjornebye]

I spent 4 days in Tokyo in the mid 00's and still don't know what this Japanese bog is you're all talking about. 

[Herp McDerp]

11 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I spent 4 days in Tokyo in the mid 00's and still don't know what this Japanese bog is you're all talking about. 

I've spent a few months there and aside from the food the toilets are honestly what I miss most about the place. You hairless freaks have no idea how much of an ordeal a simple visit to the toilet can be sometimes.

 

 

@Bjornebye this was in every hotel I stayed in but I was there in 2017 & 2019, maybe things were different pre Y2K with people being terrified of terminator style toilets.