Shit barbers

[Dr Nowt]

Check the nick of my house...

 

 

Plush that.  Check the nick of mine.

 

[Mook]

The missus on holiday last year, woof

 

[Harry Squatter]

My old barber give me my first haircut. But he was one of those old school barbers that had about 4 different haircuts in his locker and being from Huyton, he'd only use about two of them.

 

I've upgraded myself to a top end stylist, now. Nothing like paying £30 for a haircut and feeling like it's worth every penny.

Was he the fella who owns Upp A Cuts?. Apparently he's a bad alky who used to spew up in the sink. According to the barber further down the road by the Knotty Ash Tandoori.

[Dr Nowt]

This thread has reminded me of a classic scene in Nathan Barley.

 

[Bjornebye]

First time ever mate.

 

He gets told he looks like Phil Mitchell and I've had a long list of them including Ali Campbell, some twat from the backstreet boys and dexter but never fucking Ashley.

 

 

he looks like butterbean! 

[RoboRiise]

I used to go to a barbers down the road from me, most he ever charged was £6.50 but all I ever had was a trim.  I have shit hair anyway so I never saw the point in paying some ponce £25 to try to polish a turd.

 

Then about 3 years ago I had alopecia universalis, no idea what triggered it but I lost literally every hair on my body in the space of a month.  Head, pits, bollocks, eyebrows and lashes, the lot, I looked like one of the cunts in the pool in Minority Report.  Strange times.

 

It finally started growing back about 8 months later and now I'm fully furred once more, although the hair on my head has grown back dark brown when it used to be dark blonde/light brown, which was a bit weird.  Anyway, it was thinning on top a bit before the alopecia and it's not grown back quite as thick as it was, so any attempt at styling is a waste of time and effort now.

 

Couldn't see the point in paying someone to buzz it every few weeks so I spent £25 on a decent set of clippers and they've paid for themselves five times over already - I just give myself a #3 all over about every 4 weeks, no fannying about needed in the morning when I'm getting ready for work, can't see myself ever growing it out again, especially since I will be rocking the classic clown/monk look if I do.

 

 

This thread has reminded me of a classic scene in Nathan Barley.

 

 

Haha I swear geek pie was the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread.  Brilliant.

[Dr Nowt]

Go for one of these, mate.  Legendary scenes.

 

 

Failing that, just get a do like Nutkins.

[RoboRiise]

Go for one of these, mate.  Legendary scenes.

 

 

Failing that, just get a do like Nutkins.

 

That's exactly what I'm afraid of, a Nutkins.  My dad was as bald as a cue ball on top by the time he was 25, mine isn't that bad at 43 for which I guess I have to thank my mum's genes but we're talking chin stubble density, nothing more.  I'm used to it now but I was gutted when it first started thinning when I was about 25-27, I used to have it hafway down my back but I binned that off as soon as it started to go - nothing to recommend it as a look really.

[Bjornebye]

Go for one of these, mate.  Legendary scenes.

 

 

Failing that, just get a do like Nutkins.

 

At a festival years ago, loads of us went and on the way my mate started banging on about terry nutkins and an otter biting his fingers off

 

all festival the 20 or so of us were going round to people asking if they had ever tried the 'nutkins diet' and when they asked what the fuck it was we used to go "two in the pink one in the stink" and hold our hands up leaving the finger down. 

 

On the sunday afternoon we were at the ray bans bar and the heard a group of girls walking past shout "nutkins diet! 2 in the pink one in the stink!!!!" my mate shouted them and asked which one of us had got them, they all pointed at me and it transpires I had walked past their tents where they were all sat around on the friday day night (saturday morning), off my face and sat with them for about 2 hours drinking and smoking weed, trying to fuck each one of them and proclaiming the nutkins diet. 

 

I had never seen them before in my life. 

 

Best thing about it, my bird at the time was sat across the table when they said it. 

[ratcatcher]

 

 

That fucking Rick off Pawn Stars has his finger in every fucking pie, doesnt he?

[Dr Nowt]

That's exactly what I'm afraid of, a Nutkins.  My dad was as bald as a cue ball on top by the time he was 25, mine isn't that bad at 43 for which I guess I have to thank my mum's genes but we're talking chin stubble density, nothing more.  I'm used to it now but I was gutted when it first started thinning when I was about 25-27, I used to have it hafway down my back but I binned that off as soon as it started to go - nothing to recommend it as a look really.

 

Mate of mine's went at 17.  3 of us shared a flat together and me and the other one had a bit of a mullet growing comp at one stage.  We begged our mate to grow a Nutkins for months and months, he refused to even dignify it with a reply unless he was arseholed, at which time his nostrils would flare and his eyes flashed murder.  17, man! 

[Harry Squatter]

I get my hair cut in town, costs £13.50. The guy who does it is a bad scall who tells me about his constant drug use and that he sees the "beak badger" dancing in corners of pubs when he's had a few drinks which tells him to go and buy a bag of Charlie.

 

The guy who sits next to me in work says "you actually let this fucking bag head near your head with a pair of scissors and clippers???"

[Magic Sponge]

I get my hair cut in town, costs £13.50. The guy who does it is a bad scall who tells me about his constant drug use and that he sees the "beak badger" dancing in corners of pubs when he's had a few drinks which tells him to go and buy a bag of Charlie.

 

The guy who sits next to me in work says "you actually let this fucking bag head near your head with a pair of scissors and clippers???"

 

Bad fucking wool you lad. How many 'banter' points are you hoping to earn from that post?

[Bjornebye]

kinell

[The Golden Eel]

Last time I went I got the shittest haircut ever. Like it was so bad I considered getting it done again the next weekend. But it to tight for that. I asked her for a 2 at the back and sides and trimmed all over and she basically gave me a fucking step. Unbelievable. I got the distinct feeling she didn't like me too, which is weird as all I did was had a wank while I was waiting. Nah, I tool a phone call just as I was about to get into the chair and raised my finger in a "just a minute" motion, at which point she said "will I just take the next person". I said "OK". Probably being paranoid and she either a) is shit at cutting hair or b) she thought that the haircut she gave me if appropriate for a 34-year-old

[Magic Sponge]

kinell

 

Beyond fucking abysmal some of the shit that gets posted on here. 

 

Doctor Troy, the top scouser on a one man crusade against "scalls' as you say.

 

Give your head a wobble you fucking bad wool.

[Bjornebye]

Beyond fucking abysmal some of the shit that gets posted on here. 

 

Doctor Troy, the top scouser on a one man crusade against "scalls' as you say.

 

Give your head a wobble you fucking bad wool.

 

I hope you don't read my posts too much mate 

[RoboRiise]

Just me that's reading the last few posts in this with a 'the fuck?' expression on my face?

[Dr Nowt]

Assuming it's an in-joke I'm unaware of.

 

But then I'm a super wool.

[RoboRiise]

Assuming it's an in-joke I'm unaware of.

 

But then I'm a super wool.

 

I'm technically a manc, keeping my head down.

[Harry Squatter]

Beyond fucking abysmal some of the shit that gets posted on here.

 

Doctor Troy, the top scouser on a one man crusade against "scalls' as you say.

 

Give your head a wobble you fucking bad wool.

Err, what the fuck are you on about?

[banger]

I used to go to a barbers down the road from me, most he ever charged was £6.50 but all I ever had was a trim.  I have shit hair anyway so I never saw the point in paying some ponce £25 to try to polish a turd.

 

Then about 3 years ago I had alopecia universalis, no idea what triggered it but I lost literally every hair on my body in the space of a month.  Head, pits, bollocks, eyebrows and lashes, the lot, I looked like one of the cunts in the pool in Minority Report.  Strange times.

 

It finally started growing back about 8 months later and now I'm fully furred once more, although the hair on my head has grown back dark brown when it used to be dark blonde/light brown, which was a bit weird.  Anyway, it was thinning on top a bit before the alopecia and it's not grown back quite as thick as it was, so any attempt at styling is a waste of time and effort now.

 

Couldn't see the point in paying someone to buzz it every few weeks so I spent £25 on a decent set of clippers and they've paid for themselves five times over already - I just give myself a #3 all over about every 4 weeks, no fannying about needed in the morning when I'm getting ready for work, can't see myself ever growing it out again, especially since I will be rocking the classic clown/monk look if I do.

 

 

 

Haha I swear geek pie was the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread.  Brilliant.

 

 

 

 

Same thing happened to my mate , absolutely bald , eyelashes eyebrows everything . Grew back black rather tha brown that it was before. had to actually lob at his place and take him out as he was too embarrassed to go out . Would ring him up and say lets go out , he'd always say no , so would just turn up and take him out.

[Tony Moanero]

I've had my fair share of terrible haircuts. Years ago, I wanted a Michael Corleone and ended up with a John Terry. More recently, I asked for a late sixties Paul McCartney and ended up with hair that wasn't dissimilar to Jim Carey's in Dumb and Dumber.

[Jairzinho]

I just take in a picture of Xabi Alonso.

[Dr Nowt]

I've had my fair share of terrible haircuts. Years ago, I wanted a Michael Corleone and ended up with a John Terry. More recently, I asked for a late sixties Paul McCartney and ended up with hair that wasn't dissimilar to Jim Carey's in Dumb and Dumber.

Always remember my mate going into this barbers and saying "Do you recall a young Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull?" and the barber saying "Oh yes sir" too quickly for it to have been genuine.

 

Don't recall Marc Almond playing the title role in that one.