Jump to content

  • Sign up for free and receive a month's subscription

    You are viewing this page as a guest. That means you are either a member who has not logged in, or you have not yet registered with us. Signing up for an account only takes a minute and it means you will no longer see this annoying box! It will also allow you to get involved with our friendly(ish!) community and take part in the discussions on our forums. And because we're feeling generous, if you sign up for a free account we will give you a month's free trial access to our subscriber only content with no obligation to commit. Register an account and then send a private message to @dave u and he'll hook you up with a subscription.

Bog roll stand off

Paulie Dangerously
 Share

Recommended Posts

Paulie Dangerously Grand Master

Paulie Dangerously

Posted
Posted

3 Months ago I moved into a very large shared house arrangement. There are 3 floors to the place, I am on the top floor. Although there are 3 bedrooms on my floor and one bathroom only 2 bedrooms are occupied.

 

When I first moved in there was a toilet roll in the toilet. I used it as you would and when it ran out replaced it with my own bog roll. When this was gone it was duly replaced by the other guys roll.

 

This went on happily until about 10 days ago when my toilet roll ran out. I went to work safe in the knowledge that when I got home there would be a fresh one waiting for me when I got in. The guy on my floor works night so we very rarely cross paths unless I'm up very late so the toilet roll exchanges always take place when only one of us is around.

 

He did not put his toilet roll in the bathroom.

 

After 3 days of waiting and taking my own toilet roll to and from the bathroom I thought "Ok, he's probably just forgotten who's turn it is, I'll let it slide this time" and I left my roll in the bathroom, thinking that he would obviously see it, know it's mine and then provide the next one.

 

On Monday this roll (the 2nd on in a row I have provided) ran out and there has yet to be a replacement. I know he's been in the house because of the fridge and his washing out to dry etc but he has yet to replace the toilet roll even though he is 2 turns overdue now.

 

I'm not here to sponsor his arse.

 

Should I leave a note, written in shit for him to find or should I just continue to take my roll to and from the toilet whenever I need to drop one off?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Paulie Dangerously Grand Master

Paulie Dangerously

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Leave another bog roll with a message on the next sheet.

 

Something like - 'Your turn to provide the bog roll, cunt!'

 

But then I'd have provided the past 3 rolls and would become his bog roll prag.

 

I think I'll wait til I see him and say something along the lines of "If you're going the shops you might wanna pick up some toilet roll, there's none left in the bathroom"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
dennis tooth Grand Master

dennis tooth

Posted
Posted

Has has anyone even thought to mention Danny Glover yet in all of the proceedings?

 

I'd have thought it a pretty fucking important factor in all of this.

 

I'd think it was the elephant in the room but to be completely honest I'm not even sure if it's even occured to any of you.

Not sure at all.

 

People need to get on the ball here, also just to throw it in to the mixer, might be useful for a short term solution, gven that we have the present deadlock to contend with because whist we know what clear pre defined boundaries and unwritten loose rules at play when we consider poo timeshare arrangements we have not yet established whether more mitigating circumstances are also enshrined in those laws for emergency masturbation arrangements over and above the predictable laws laid down thus, this could be applicable according to precedent of previous co tenants. It is known that such laws often offer suspension of existing laws and are invoked on grounds of masturbational security.

Surely the short term solution I am trying to suggest is to affix a new toilet roll holder with your name on it to the ciistern and AC slater it for a few weeks, he cannot therefore touch, roll, take away for masturbation on or otherwise interfer with your clearly marked nobby holder. Fail to do that and do not be surprised if one day you come home and find him banging on out in your quilt whilst watching daytime telly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nelly-Szoboszlai Grand Master

Nelly-Szoboszlai

Posted
Posted
Has has anyone even thought to mention Danny Glover yet in all of the proceedings?

 

I'd have thought it a pretty fucking important factor in all of this.

 

I'd think it was the elephant in the room but to be completely honest I'm not even sure if it's even occured to any of you.

Not sure at all.

 

People need to get on the ball here, also just to throw it in to the mixer, might be useful for a short term solution, gven that we have the present deadlock to contend with because whist we know what clear pre defined boundaries and unwritten loose rules at play when we consider poo timeshare arrangements we have not yet established whether more mitigating circumstances are also enshrined in those laws for emergency masturbation arrangements over and above the predictable laws laid down thus, this could be applicable according to precedent of previous co tenants. It is known that such laws often offer suspension of existing laws and are invoked on grounds of masturbational security.

Surely the short term solution I am trying to suggest is to affix a new toilet roll holder with your name on it to the ciistern and AC slater it for a few weeks, he cannot therefore touch, roll, take away for masturbation on or otherwise interfer with your clearly marked nobby holder. Fail to do that and do not be surprised if one day you come home and find him banging on out in your quilt whilst watching daytime telly.

 

Are you John Prescott?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
stevebaby Proficient

stevebaby

Posted
Posted
Has has anyone even thought to mention Danny Glover yet in all of the proceedings?

 

I'd have thought it a pretty fucking important factor in all of this.

 

I'd think it was the elephant in the room but to be completely honest I'm not even sure if it's even occured to any of you.

Not sure at all.

 

People need to get on the ball here, also just to throw it in to the mixer, might be useful for a short term solution, gven that we have the present deadlock to contend with because whist we know what clear pre defined boundaries and unwritten loose rules at play when we consider poo timeshare arrangements we have not yet established whether more mitigating circumstances are also enshrined in those laws for emergency masturbation arrangements over and above the predictable laws laid down thus, this could be applicable according to precedent of previous co tenants. It is known that such laws often offer suspension of existing laws and are invoked on grounds of masturbational security.

Surely the short term solution I am trying to suggest is to affix a new toilet roll holder with your name on it to the ciistern and AC slater it for a few weeks, he cannot therefore touch, roll, take away for masturbation on or otherwise interfer with your clearly marked nobby holder. Fail to do that and do not be surprised if one day you come home and find him banging on out in your quilt whilst watching daytime telly.

A work of repworthy genius.

Fuck it,I have to spread (as the actress said to the Bishop).

Link to comment
Share on other sites
sloth_frattelli Contributor

sloth_frattelli

Posted
Posted

Wait, wait, I've just thought of this. (You have to picture it in your mind's eye...)

 

Imagine he comes in, busting for a shite, and visits the toilet for a swift one. He enters, unbuttons and pulls down his jeans and trunks, positions his arse and begins to relax, only to notice that on the back of the bathroom door you have scrawled something like... "Having a nice shite? This is the last roll I'm providing cunty balls, your move."

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Pistonbroke

Guest Pistonbroke

Posted
Posted

What you need to do is buy some of that Izal toilet paper if they still do it. You know, the one with the consistency of grease proof paper. Leaves you with skid marks between your shoulder blades after cleaning your crack. I'm sure he'll take the hint then the crack cleaning stingy bandit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...