Job interviews

[Captain]

I was called for an interview last week for a job I applied to. Competition is there, parts of the interview went well and a couple of things not so. I consigned myself to not getting the job after the interview.

 

Today I'm told they want me and one other guy back for a second interview, and I'm shitting it.

 

I fucking hate job interviews. Can't the fuckers just hire me and be done with it?

[Section_31]

Best of luck mate.

 

I've always been good at interviews, even when I've later gone on to be shit at the jobs.

 

Tell you what I fucking hate though, going for interviews where someone is already nailed-on for the job. Went for one once and the woman hadn't even read my CV, I shit you not.

[Captain]

Tell you what I fucking hate though, going for interviews where someone is already nailed-on for the job. Went for one once and the woman hadn't even read my CV, I shit you not.

That sucks. They specifically asked about 'holes' in my CV so I know they've at least read it.

 

I hate this waiting game shit though.

[Section_31]

I once went for an interview for a job I didn't want. I'd been offered some work experience (unpaid) on a newspaper literally ten minutes before I was set to leave the house for an IT job Interview on good wages, it was too late to cancel so I just went along with it. They were saying things like "We were impressed by your CV, I see you've done X Y and Z in the past, do you think you'd be okay with our system?" and I was saying "nah." This kind of talk continued for about 15 minutes with me just saying "I don't want to lead you up the garden path, but I'm not very good at all this stuff"

 

One fella turned to the other and said, 'this is the strangest interview I've ever done' the other one pissed up laughing and we left on good terms. Forty minutes later the woman from the agency phoned me and said "They loved you, when can you start?" I basically told her to get fucked and she hung up.

 

Rarely, very rarely, you find yourself at the helm of a seller's market.

[Liverpool lad]

Nothing better than going for an interview and they read your CV in front of you, might as well fuck off home now

[castle_red]

I hate interview questions. "What are your weaknesses?" What's a good answer to that?

[Section_31]

I hate interview questions. "What are your weaknesses?" What's a good answer to that?

 

I sometimes demand too much of myself.

[Hermes]

That sucks. They specifically asked about 'holes' in my CV so I know they've at least read it.

 

 

Just tell them it's where they removed the staple.

[Guest PurpleNose]

I hate interview questions. "What are your weaknesses?" What's a good answer to that?

 

I'm a bit racist.

[TommyW]

I hate interview questions. "What are your weaknesses?" What's a good answer to that?

 

I've interviewed a number of people in the past and if anyone comes out with the old 'im too much of a perfectionist' bollocks they're a goner

 

It is just insulting the interviewers intelligence

 

pick something on the job spec you may not have done before and say 'i've not done this before, however in my previous role I did this and I believe the skills are transferable' or if you've done the job but its in a slightly different industry use that and say 'you may view it as a weakness, however im confident that I can learn as I did with this.....'

 

all the best with it anyway

[Travis Bickle]

I hate interview questions. "What are your weaknesses?" What's a good answer to that?

 

I ALWAYS manage to piss on the toilet seat. Never really had a job offer on the back of that one though..

[Captain]

I hate interview questions. "What are your weaknesses?" What's a good answer to that?

 

Mine was:

 

My collegues can percieve me as being a bit too direct. I can be impatient.

 

Just tell them it's where they removed the staple.

 

It's 2010, Hermes. Electronical documents aren't stapled.

 

Maybe we've you got a business idea there; make Acrobat 10 make staple 'holes' in your PDFs?

[Hermes]

Mine was:

 

My collegues can percieve me as being a bit too direct. I can be impatient.

 

 

 

It's 2010, Hermes. Electronical documents aren't stapled.

 

Maybe we've you got a business idea there; make Acrobat 10 make staple 'holes' in your PDFs?

 

How many interviews have you had when the interviewer is viewing your CV on a computer? I'd guess none.

[Rico1304]

Can we stop talking interviews. I applied for job last week and got fucked off at the first hurdle.

 

Think its because I'm shit.

[odris]

The future will be interviews where your CV is read of an apple iPad, believe.

[DT]

I sit on the other side of the desk these days. It's a strange feeling but you have to make sure you uncover stuff about the person to decide whether or not you think the person is suitable for the role.

 

And then of course it's about making people feel totally uncomfortable as well:-)

[Horus]

I hate interview questions. "What are your weaknesses?" What's a good answer to that?

 

The classic one is "I'm a perfectionist"

 

I had a mate who went for an I.T recruitment job on a six figure package. They asked him to do something spontaneous, so he fucked a chair through the window.

 

 

He got the job.

[Liam]

I've got an interview this week and been asked to prepare a presentation. I'm not a fan of public speaking or talking bollocks to an audience so I'm just gonna Google for inspiration. If that fails I might just watch The Office the night before.

[Rex Banner]

I had an awful one today, I was starting to sweat as we were heading towards the interview room and I was seriously contemplating running hahahah. I'm like a fucking car overheating, I walk a long way to get there without a bead of sweat then when I stop to sit down the fucking tap turns on for a few minutes while I let the engine cool, it's very annoying.

 

During the interview I was sweating for about 5 minutes and they were pretending not to notice but I'm sure they did as I tried to casually pretend like I had an itch whilst I was wiping beads of sweat from my face.

 

Then I couldn't think of anything to say to their stupid interview questions. It's a job at the records department of the Department of planning and they asked me what is the importance of keeping records, I said something about having a reference to look at or something. Basically I said it's important to have records so you have a record. The rest of the questions didn't go much better.

 

I basically choked because of the sweating thing I just though I've got no chance anyway so I was just thinking I want this over now.

I hate job interviews, it just feels like they're sitting their judging you and in my head I'm thinking there's no way I'm getting this but that might just be my insecurity.

 

I'm expecting the call any time now to let me know, I'm giving myself about a 2% chance. The 2% is because I made a little small talk on the elevator ride out. Also the interview seemed incredibly short, so either the job is idiot proof or they wanted out of there as badly as I did.

[Hermes]

I sit on the other side of the desk these days.

 

I always had my suspicions. What made you decide to "out" yourself?

[Rex Banner]

I got it, jesus those other applicants much of been terrible.

[Guest davelfc]

I got it, jesus those other applicants much of been terrible.

 

They much have been. Congrats anyway.

[Redder Lurtz]

I got it, jesus those other applicants much of been terrible.

 

Nice one Rex.

 

On the topic of "what are your weaknesses" I have a superb reply. Basically I tell them that my time management is something that I always struggle with as I tend to become very involved with the task in hand. To combat that I make sure I run an up to date diary, adhere to a daily 'to do' list and ensure it's always my first and last task of the day to update these things. That way I always know exactly where I am with any particular task at any time.

[sh#t waffle]

Nice one Rex.

 

On the topic of "what are your weaknesses" I have a superb reply. Basically I tell them that my time management is something that I always struggle with as I tend to become very involved with the task in hand. To combat that I make sure I run an up to date diary, adhere to a daily 'to do' list and ensure it's always my first and last task of the day to update these things. That way I always know exactly where I am with any particular task at any time.

 

Nice. Even better:

 

"So what do you consider to be your biggest weakness?"

"AIDS"

".."

 

I've yet to try the above, but I can't see it failing.

[Redder Lurtz]

I'd imagine it would go just like this:

 

 

"So what do you consider to be your biggest weakness?"

"AIDS"

"Well that's excellent, Mr Waffle. When can you start?"

 

 

 

You can't fail. I think I've just proved that.

 

 

Edit: Incidentally there's a grain of truth in my 'weaknesses' reply. The main difference being that if I didn't keep a diary and a 'to-do list' up to date not only would I struggle to manage my time, I'd struggle to know what fucking day it is or what it is I actually do for a living. That mis-spent youth I had is calling in its payback time. I'm not sure that would go down great guns in an interview environment though.