The world of a woman.

[Ginny]

Just got in from the gym as my Mrs is finishing a packet of popcorn that she bought herself - it's my fault apparently

[VladimirIlyich]

Just got in from the gym as my Mrs is finishing a packet of popcorn that she bought herself - it's my fault apparently

Another diet?

[Harry Squatter]

Why do women moan about man flu?. When my Mrs is ill she literally cannot move and is unable to do a fucking thing. Plus you never hear the end of it. Loads of the woman I work with go off sick with the slightest ailment and drag it out for as long as possible.

[Scottish Steve]

If I ever catch a cold or flu off someone at work & my wife then comes down with it she'll berate me repeatedly until she's better. Like I've wilfully taken on an infection & then deliberately passed it on. Half-wit.

[VladimirIlyich]

Why do women moan about man flu?. When my Mrs is ill she literally cannot move and is unable to do a fucking thing. Plus you never hear the end of it. Loads of the woman I work with go off sick with the slightest ailment and drag it out for as long as possible.

Very,very true.

[mattyq]

Whenever I have a bad hangover I'm a selfish and inconsiderate bastard who's brought it all on himself and deserve no pity

When the boot is on the other foot, which it currently is, I'm a selfish and inconsiderate bastard because I don't have any sympathy and am not prepared to wait hand and foot like a bad skivvy

[Barrington Womble]

Why do women moan about man flu?. When my Mrs is ill she literally cannot move and is unable to do a fucking thing. Plus you never hear the end of it. Loads of the woman I work with go off sick with the slightest ailment and drag it out for as long as possible.

Didn't you know because they have children, they have a much higher pain threshold and we clearly can't understand the meaning of pain?

[Harry Squatter]

Yep. Even the women who don't want or have kids.

 

The fella I work with had a knee operation last year and stayed off for a week yet his Mrs left him a load of jobs to do every morning on a piece of paper. She had an operation in January and never moved out of bed once in two weeks apart from going to Cheshire oaks with her mum.

[Fowlers God]

Asked my Mrs if it was ok to go round my mates last night to play a game of Risk, which she agreed. (yeah I'm a cool mother fucker) now I'm an inconsiderate fuck who hates spending time with his wife and only enjoys getting pissed with his mates.

[DJLJ]

The wife forgot to close the door, so the battery got drained and I got called to jumpstart the car. No biggie, can happen to everyone.

 

I get out there and park my car in front of her car, about a foot or so apart. Get the cables out and go to put them on, while I tell her to put her car in neutral and to prepare to start her car, when I have connected the cables to each car and have started mine. 

 

She goes in to start her car, without putting it in neutral, so now we have 2 cars with broken headlights after it really jump started...

 

FFS!

[Dougie Do'ins]

The wife forgot to close the door, so the battery got drained and I got called to jumpstart the car. No biggie, can happen to everyone.

 

I get out there and park my car in front of her car, about a foot or so apart. Get the cables out and go to put them on, while I tell her to put her car in neutral and to prepare to start her car, when I have connected the cables to each car and have started mine. 

 

She goes in to start her car, without putting it in neutral, so now we have 2 cars with broken headlights after it really jump started...

 

FFS!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2z6unh

[Nunavut Patrick]

Asked my Mrs if it was ok to go round my mates last night to play a game of Risk, which she agreed. (yeah I'm a cool mother fucker) now I'm an inconsiderate fuck who hates spending time with his wife and only enjoys getting pissed with his mates.

But did you achieve world domination?

[Fowlers God]

But did you achieve world domination?

Fuck yeah

[Paulie Dangerously]

Recommend giving @mumsnet_madness a follow on twitter

 

 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Recommend giving @mumsnet_madness a follow on twitter

 

 

 

Repped, an absolute gem of a find. Just went to one of the threads mentioned and read through it on mumsnet. Breathtaking.

 

Although in fairness, it was an AIBU (am i being unreasonable) thread and the vast majority of women seemed to respond with reasoned replies. I wonder where they all live, because I sure as shit haven't found them.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

https://www.facebook.com/Dose/videos/1103726906388513/

[lifetime fan]

Why the fuck do they call you when they're on their way home for a 'chat'?

 

You know they'll just tell you exactly the same bollocks all over again when they get in.

 

Her: I'm just leaving work now so I thought I'd call for a chat.

Me: About what?

Her: Nothing. Just wanted some company on the way home.

 

Fuck off!

[Tj hooker]

Why the fuck do they call you when they're on their way home for a 'chat'?

 

You know they'll just tell you exactly the same bollocks all over again when they get in.

 

Her: I'm just leaving work now so I thought I'd call for a chat.

Me: About what?

Her: Nothing. Just wanted some company on the way home.

 

Fuck off!

Hahaha who said romance was dead

[Preston Red]

Why the fuck do they call you when they're on their way home for a 'chat'?

 

You know they'll just tell you exactly the same bollocks all over again when they get in.

 

Her: I'm just leaving work now so I thought I'd call for a chat.

Me: About what?

Her: Nothing. Just wanted some company on the way home.

 

Fuck off!

I know you're enjoying peace and quiet but I'll ring you and talk to you about nothing...

[tokyojoe]

Why the fuck do they call you when they're on their way home for a 'chat'?

 

You know they'll just tell you exactly the same bollocks all over again when they get in.

 

Her: I'm just leaving work now so I thought I'd call for a chat.

Me: About what?

Her: Nothing. Just wanted some company on the way home.

 

Fuck off!

If she's driving ring up the cops, that's six points on her licence. That'll learn her.

[Harry Squatter]

The need to be in constant contact. She gets a cob on when she rings me in work and I've got stuff to do yet she wants to discuss something that can wait until I get home. Also gets a mood on if I'm not all "hiya babe" when I need to get on with something. Will then stew over it all day and bring it up as soon as I get home.

[lifetime fan]

How's your day been? Fine.

Traffic is bad. Okay.

I need to call my mum tonight. Okay.

Can you walk the dog? I always do.

Can you cook? When was the last time you did.

Shall I leave you as you're not very chatty? YES!

[Mook]

I fucking hate those phone calls, you get the house to yourself for about 20 minutes a day when you get home from work & they want you to spend it on the phone to them, when they're on their way home anyway.

 

"How was work?"

"Fuck off I'm trying to have a wank here."

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

I fucking hate those phone calls, you get the house to yourself for about 20 minutes a day when you get home from work & they want you to spend it on the phone to them, when they're on their way home anyway.

 

"How was work?"

"Fuck off I'm trying to have a wank here."

 

Suggested fix:

 

 

"How was work?"

"Either talk dirty or fuck off, I'm trying to have a wank here."

[KMD7]

I fucking hate those phone calls, you get the house to yourself for about 20 minutes a day when you get home from work & they want you to spend it on the phone to them, when they're on their way home anyway.

 

"How was work?"

"Fuck off I'm trying to have a wank here."

 

I read that bit in the voice of David Brent